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Feeling a little bit sad

Old 06-09-2015, 01:58 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I don't resent the suggestions. Really I don't. However, I feel that I am being admonished to stop rehashing issues that I have been talking about for weeks on this forum and do something about it. And I am! I am in therapy. And I post here. So I am actively taking steps. But, like I said in the previous post, I have enough baggage for me and the entire state of Texas!
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Old 06-09-2015, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
However, I feel that I am being admonished to stop rehashing issues that I have been talking about for weeks on this forum and do something about it.
To be honest AF I think this might be part of the problem ( you perceiving support as admonishment )...reading back through this post I see nothing but understanding and constructive suggestions. Some of the suggestions are more direct and specific, but I don't see anyone "admonishing" you from talking about these issues..if anything you are being encouraged to talk about it.

Remember that we are all alcoholics here too, and we all have personal issues and experiences that come along with that. Some want to share what has worked for them, others want to share what hasn't when we see someone heading down the wrong path. As with any recovery community, you will receive some completely unconditional/no strings attached messages of simple support, but you will also receive advice. And not all advice is what what we want to hear, even though it might be completely on target.

I
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Old 06-09-2015, 02:20 PM
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Thanks Scott - the thing about forums is that everyone reads/sees/hears things differently. some might find a post constructive and others not so much. It is all subjective.
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Old 06-09-2015, 02:36 PM
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(((AF))) oh my, that is heavy... I'm so sorry about these things you need to deal with. I really like EndGame's analysis above also. Of course it's your personal evaluation how much and in which ways you identify with these kinds of observations. I personally am always very interested in getting into these kind of connections between events, relationships, feelings, whatever all over the map and past-present, but surely it can be difficult to handle it.

I also understand more and more the things you said here in the beginning, in the first months when you started posting on SR. It all makes sense and I'm very glad that you are taking advantage of this board to deal with these things, and also that you are getting professional help. I believe that you will do a great job processing it -- you may not see the progress from the outside, but it's very clear for me that you are doing some good work already. Of course it's not easy, simple, fast, or linear... I think that's most often the nature of these processes.

I am with those that suggest that you don't stop posting about your family issues and your related feelings here. I sometimes feel that I don't want to talk about disturbing stuff in front of many people (even on an online board) because I subjectively think it just keeps problems alive instead of closing them and moving on, but I think this is only really effective when we have done a great deal of work and closure with them. I think it's great if you talk about these things especially when the feelings are associated with urges to drink.

Btw, I don't think it's bad to be in therapy for a lifetime if it helps, and especially if you like it. I can totally see myself do the same, even if it's not about digging into old troublesome issues so much but just part of regular maintenance (which I am far from at the moment, so more hypothetically), like getting periodic physicals from a doctor etc. You don't need to see yourself as someone carrying pathologies at all.

Again, good work, keep it up
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Old 06-09-2015, 02:47 PM
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Thank you Haennie! You have a unique insight into things and I appreciate relaying to me that you see progress! Sometimes I do feel as if I am not progressing at all. I've only started therapy a couple weeks ago, so it is slow. I have had therapy in the past on and off, but I never really felt like I got the to crux of the matter with anyone therapist (except a psychoanalytical therapist I saw 3x a week way back in the early 90s. I had insurance that would pay for that). As you know, the emphasis now is CBT. I don't like that type of therapy, but I am limited in terms of who I can afford at this point. Psychoanalytical is out of the question.

But thanks for you vote of confidence and support.
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Old 06-09-2015, 03:05 PM
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AF, just want to send my support. You and your family are in my thoughts x
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Old 06-09-2015, 03:30 PM
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Hey AF,

I do hug. So here is a hug and a smile. &

We cannot resolve issues unless we first know what they are, right? Stringing sober days allows for the opportunity to say "I am not OK with this", recognize what "this" is, how we feel having "this" in our life and then take steps to either accept or deflate and reclaim the power from the situation. This is how I perceive the purpose, AF, for presenting your experiences. Just like you wrote, it takes time and good, honest discussion with someone willing to work with you for your end goal.

Over the last year I have intentionally written some really challenging posts. Putting it out there on display allows for the opportunity to whittle away at the enormity of the issue so it becomes a toothpick and not a Sequoia in the heart. The community here is amazing and generous for helping to see things in a different light.

The process you are going through requires fortitude and honesty. So bravo and please keep posting. In this way it is easy to see how alcohol just interrupts, distorts and ultimately makes us beholden to a bunch of nameless junk - with little opportunity to let go.

Just some thoughts. Keep talking, writing. Keep listening. I'm really sorry that your heart is hurting right now.
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Old 06-09-2015, 05:01 PM
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Verte, great thoughts!

AF, I've been in therapy for many years and am the first to admit that I don't have any answers! You sound like you are working very hard to stay sober and make sense of things. I wish you all good things in your quest.
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Old 06-09-2015, 05:12 PM
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Thanks everyone. I don't know how one makes sense of 2 murders in their family. One in 1965 and the other in 2001.
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Old 06-09-2015, 05:18 PM
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I think are some things that defy making sense of AF.

There's a Tom Waits song 'Come on up to the House' with a line in it about
'life seems nasty, brutish and short' and it does sometimes.



We all have to find that 'house', that dependable safe place where we can heal. Sometimes it's outside of us, sometimes it's within. Sometimes it's both

I wish healing and peace for you AF

D
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Old 06-09-2015, 06:08 PM
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Beautiful thought, Dee!
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