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First test.

Old 06-08-2015, 12:58 PM
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First test.

Woke up to 8 days sober today after finally able to get a good nights rest last night, this morning I felt more focused, more alive.

Anyway, it wasn't until after class when a desire to drink washed over me. Bothered me so bad, I flew home...I'm here now and currently trying to understand what I'm feeling.

Earlier, my class did a table read of one of my scripts that I've been working very hard on (even while doing my best to stay sober) and the feedback I received was incredible. Lifted me up to a place I haven't felt in awhile...my instructor even said he was so impressed and gave me a critique so good, Im more inspired than ever to keep working hard.

This is supposed to be a great thing right? So why when class was over did I want to run to the liquor store and "celebrate" what happened today? And alone? This feeling brought me to my knees the second I got into the house. Feeling anxious and confused. I hope this makes sense to someone. Has anyone been here before?
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:08 PM
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Yup, I've been there too.

With early sobriety, I had to figure out what emotions were triggering me to drink. Like you I would drink if I was very happy, very sad, angry, as well as many other emotions.

One of the things I do when I am feeling like I want to drink is make myself fill in this blank, "I want to drink today because ____".
Then I ask what emotions are behind it. This can be very challenging and I found it challenging for awhile. But the interesting thing is if I acknowledged the emotions, sometimes that in itself would help the craving go away.

The third thing I would do is ask myself, is how would drinking solve this issue (if there was something I was upset about) and the possible consequences.

By doing this, I was able to start figuring out what things were triggering me and the feelings behind them since I had gotten used to numbing myself. I also knew if I was feeling a certain way, to be on guard.

Sometimes something as mundane as changes in weather would be a trigger since it was due to me being uncomfortable or feeling excited about the changing weather.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:30 PM
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Oh for sure. I drank when I felt any emotion. I had to learn to deal with all my emotions without alcohol in the picture when I stopped drinking.

Congratulations on 8 days sober and good work with your script.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:31 PM
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Well said Strategy,

What triggers this for me is excitement. Just when I thought it was only the bad things that happen, I know now that's not the case. The moment in itself was euphoric and initially, I just wanted to savor it. Told myself, just one drink...

Again, I'm home. Sitting here with a new desire to go buy a straight jacket! Seriously, the urge is a hard thing to pass up. Glad I did, I'm just worried about the next time this happens. Makes me feel like keeping myself in the house for a long time. Plenty more crossroads to come, and that makes me even more anxious.

All apart of the journey, I know.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:34 PM
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Thx Anna, it's a relief to know this feeling is common given our situation.

Over here editing more of my manuscript. My mind is on Day 9 and the great feeling I will have when I'm proud I didn't mess up tonight.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:35 PM
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Thx Anna, it's a relief to know this feeling is common given our situation.

Over here editing more of my manuscript. My mind is on Day 9 and the great feeling I will have when I'm proud I didn't mess up tonight.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:40 PM
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Has anyone been here before?
Not too many places involving alcohol I haven't been Hang in there.
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Old 06-08-2015, 02:15 PM
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Fear of failure and his brother fear of success! Fear of not having enough, fear of losing what we have and fear of not getting something we aren't even sure we need!!!

This was my insanity of drinking. Only now beginning to understand it.......

You did not drink = Awesome!! That's how we measure success.
Brilliant!
Do it again, tomorrow 8 days is miraculous!
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Old 06-08-2015, 03:04 PM
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Excitement/celebration are huge triggers for me, even more so than when I feel down, so no, you aren't alone there at all.

My worst binges have all been during times when things were going well and I just let loose and wound up regretting everything and feeling like death the next day.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:39 PM
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Like others have said I drank over any emotion, good or bad, even indifferent.

Do you have a recovery plan at all amazeme?

D
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Old 06-08-2015, 07:42 PM
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I certainly understand wanting to drink when excited about something good. I've even celebrated not drinking. I drank for any and every reason under the sun I could possibly muster at some point in time.

The only way past it is just not to pick up that first one. And well done for you that you surfed through it. Great job on your script! Having a sober head helped get you there.
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Old 06-08-2015, 07:47 PM
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I used to rush home after work to drink before my wife got home. I did it when I had a great day, bad day and all other days. I wanted to celebrate all days after work with booze, it takes a while and some work but you will adapt.
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Old 06-08-2015, 08:38 PM
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Yep! I've been there. Something great happens? Drink. Something terrible happens? Drink. Nothing happens? Drink. I'm an alcoholic, so I'm wired to want to drink. The great thing is that with each day that passes, along with each day's experiences, the times when I went to drink are rarer and rarer as time goes on. Now it's like, "Remember when that amazing thing happened last time and I went out and ate a bunch of hot dogs and laughed a lot with my friends? I want to do that again." So even though I'm wired to want to drink under these circumstances, I'm slowly rewiring myself to want, need and do other things when they occur.
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Old 06-08-2015, 09:07 PM
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Many of us have an uncanny knack for screwing things up at the worst possible time. (Not that there's ever a good time to screw things up...)

We need to stop doing that.
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Old 06-08-2015, 09:13 PM
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Congratulations on the manuscript, sounds like it is going to be a great one, and something to keep your mind occupied.
Good for you for logging onto SR. instead of stopping on that store, look how many people on here want to celebrate your success with you!!! :-)
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Old 06-09-2015, 01:43 AM
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It takes time to learn new ways of dealing with life, amazeme. Booze is how drunks deal with everything. Have a great day? Celebrate with a drink! Have a lousy day? Better drown your sorrows. It becomes reflex to just get drunk but you can learn other ways to cope.
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Old 06-09-2015, 06:40 AM
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Hi Dee,
No I don't have a recovery plan. Can you share what yours is so I can get a better idea? I've been to AA and I see a therapist at the VA sometimes. That's about it.
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Old 06-09-2015, 07:04 AM
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Like most of us, I drank with just about any emotion. When I stopped doing that, I felt lost for awhile - still happens once in awhile. When a craving hits, I now remind myself that this, too, will pass. In the moment it's so easy to think that the only way out is a drink - but I try to think of it as "the only way out is through". Congrats on getting through this one!
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:17 AM
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Wow...that is very cool!

I was feeling the same right around days 6-8. I remember actually that I was so happy I went a week without drinking for the first time since I was a teenager, I wanted to celebrate with a drink. How insane is that? I mean really. It floored me as well. I was down for the rest of the day.

Celebration was the biggest trigger I had to overcome. All the other emotions I was able to reason with myself. The issue with celebrating was that I did not have any other way to celebrate. Nothing else sounded fun.

That has passed. Now I find enjoyment in small things like having a delicious meal or going out for dinner to celebrate.

Our AV is pure evil. The further you distance yourself from drinking, the more you get to see it for what it is...a ruthless monster.

Congrats on an awesome day. Give it just a little more time and you'll soon enough find new ways to celebrate.
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Old 06-09-2015, 03:58 PM
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hi Amazeme - my recovery plan is included in this thread - it's a good thread to read (not cos I'm in it lol )

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

D
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