Justincredible

Sorry for you loss.

We are here for you Serenidad! Start with a small adjustment. Something doable. I completely understand why its so tough to stay sober. Can be a real challenge, but we can do it.

Serenidad

Today I just put one foot in front of the other and took my daughter to get her haircut, to lunch and then to piano lessons. Now I am resting. I plan to make dinner later and watch the World Cup soccer. I'm just trying to stay in the moment. You're right Anna, I DO need to take action. I'm just so depressed that I don't want to do anything. It's so hard to get started. It's so hard to climb out of this hole. Ya know? Thanks for caring.

Serenidad

....And thanks to EVERYONE for caring. It really means a lot. Baby steps. That's a good idea. I just need to get started. It's so overwhelming that I just don't know "where" to start. If you would have told me 18 months ago that I'd be in this hell hole again, I'd say you were insane! How'd I get here? Not drinking is the easy part right now. FEELING is the painful part. :-(

zjw

sounds like you got a good mess going on. My life was a trainwreck when i sobered up by my standards anyhow (sure theres worse and sure theres better but from my perspective my life was a trainwreck). I had to get my S*** together and no i dont mean clean up my disaster i wasnt even close to being able to start cleaning my disaster I had another huge disaster in my head! It took me a few months of just pondering my thoughts and tackling tiny little problems before I could take on larger stuff.

what worked best for me? I took on ewhat i could take on when i could take it on otherwise i didnt bother with it even if it meant i looked like a helpless looser so what I was helpless but not a looser big difference! Some stuff i just surrendered on gave up for example i was in massive debt i just threw my hands in the air and quit paying the bills i couldnt take it anymore not a strategy? well I had no other options and surrendering worked out great I immediatly felt better like a huge weight was off my shoulders i QUIT worrying about it all together. In about 6 or 7 months the money came out of nowhere and i was able to resolve it BUT for those 6 or 7 months i was worry free about the debt and that was a pretty stinking good feeling.

I guess its like accept the thinks you cannot change and courage to change the things you can....

you didnt make the mess over night you cant fix it over night its not the end of the world if it takes time. Take your time relax try and calm your mind etc..

it eases up in time.

tomsteve

Thatsa a LOT ya got happening. Yup, sometimes we can have a lot of life on life's terms happen all at once. I've had it happen a few times in recovery where it seemed the bottom was falling out and wasn't going to stop falling out. Seemed I had enough on my plate to fill a few plates.
But I managed to get through it all.
First things first...... I'm laughing at that because that thought would come up and I would think," but wtf should be first????"
The very first thing was don't drink. It would only make everything worse.
Then do what was in front of me to do. Take care of what I could and leave the rest in Gods hands.
Two phrases that come to mind when life starts piling up:
This,too, shall pass.
Trudge the road of happy destiny.
Trudging..... What a bugger, but by doing that and taking care of what I could, I've gotten through everything ivenhad to get through.
Gratitude has also helped tremendously. Having it didn't mean I was all happy, joys, and free going through life on life's terms, but it sure helped.
My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your dog. They are definitely family members.

I'm glad your feeling serinidad. It's not always comfortable, but it's part of life and you are letting it happen, so good on ga!

Serenidad

I hope so xjw. I really hope so because right now I feel like I'm staring at Mt. Everest. I have to climb to the top but can't even get out of my car and put my hiking shoes on. :-( Thx for taking the time to respond to my post.

matilda123

Oh, Serenidad! I'm so very sorry about your dog. I'm so glad that you were able to help him cross. That is so hard, but imagine the comfort you gave him, what a gift. I'm sorry, too, about your daughter's disappointment and also the personal and financial stuff going on. That is a lot to bear at once

I really like least's idea, repeated by others, of baby steps. Sounds like you implemented some of that today. Some days it truly is about putting one foot in front of the other. I'm sending you good thoughts, Serenidad, and peace and comfort to you and your family. xo

Dee74

I'm sorry about your dog and for your daughters disappointment Serenidad.

I have to admit my life was a real mess when I got sober - it took me about a year to sort everything out...and problems and stresses didn't stop coming while I was doing that either...

but I leant on the support here and I stayed sober and eventually things got better. They will for you too

D

gettingsmarter

Sorry about the dog Serenidad. I've had to do that and it's rough. We all care about you.

Serenidad

Why does it always feel like all the crap happens at once? You're right...not drinking is the most important thing. It won't bring my dog back or solve anything. Your post really helped me. Good reminders. Thank you.

matilda123

One other thought...I, too, sometimes think, "How did I get here?" I'm starting to suspect that could be a trap (or stinking thinking, as my grandmother used to call it). I'm a "thinker" and like to figure stuff out. But frankly, sometimes figuring out how we got somewhere is less important, at least in the short run, then taking action. For example, I have this long delayed project at work that makes my anxiety spike whenever I think about it. When that anxiety surfaces, I try to ask myself, "What can I do--what little thing could I accomplish--that would move me towards getting this done?" It is a paradox that anxiety stymies action, and yet action is the cure to anxiety.

MIRecovery

I am so sorry for your loss. Dogs are so hard but the joy they gives out weighs the sorry of their passing.

The suckage factor red linedead for me but we have to look at what we have. You have a daughter and that is a gift beyond anything that words can tell.

Although my daughter is gone I have a son, 3 wonderful grand children, my health, a 13 year old Golden Retriever who will be lucky if he makes it 6 more months but He is alive today.

It is a sad time so take your daughter out and do something fun.

One thing is for certain alcohol will make a bad situation worse

ishallnotwant

Oh, Serenidad, how much I love you! You don't know me but I have followed your story here for quite some time. And, yes, life does suck sometimes. The death of your dog is a terrible sadness that is a part, a sad and difficult part, of life. Your daughter not making the soccer team is difficult, but as hard as it is for you, it will ultimately be for her benefit to learn how to handle disappointments. Perhaps your drinking may have contributed to some of your financial problems, but certainly not all. And your family adores you and want you to be happy. Take it from an old girl who has been through a lot-- you are in a bad space right now, but it won't last forever and God has a special plan for you. There's something special about you.... I just know it.

Marcher13

Serenidad, you've got some great advice, can I add just one thing? How you respond to what is happening now is modelling emotional behaviour for your daughter. If you aren't doing so already it might be a good time to talk to her about your beloved dog, maybe make a scrapbook or photo album?

Does she know why she didn't make the team? Are there ball skills she needs to improve? Maybe training to run further?

Maybe over the summer you can both concentrate on helping her improve (that's good exercise for you too) and eating well?

Thinking of you.

AnvilheadII

Why does it always feel like all the crap happens at once?
cuz when crap is coming at ya from upstream, you kind of lose focus on the REST of the planet. all you know is you got CRAP heading right at you........doesn't really matter how MUCH. its still crap.

but life isn't all sunshine and daisies. sometimes it just blows. but we can either deal with it all head on.....OR.....

you have kids. they need role models. they need to witness how adults work thru hardships. they need to see their parents straighten their backs and walk thru the firestorm. they need to see mistakes AND recoveries from those mistakes. you can be their blueprint.

the only way out of financial difficulties is with a PLAN. a budget. you need to know exactly how deep in the hole you are before you go buy rope. if you are 8 feet deep a 5 foot rope does you no good. and then you put your plan into play. you take charge. you stop all the frivolous silly spending, you work at trimming down expenses, you look for discounts, shop at the discount grocer, refi what you can...and it becomes your new life, your new game plan.

and you are no longer a victim, not even a survivor, but a success in the making. no whining allowed. just action. changing the things we can.

happyandfree

So sorry to hear about your dear dog, serenidad. Cry and allow yourself to grieve.
Please hang in there...don't drink...things will get better. Drinking would make you feel so much worse. I liked Annas advice to take action and accomplish one thing that will make you feel better. This will pass.

Serenidad

Your post made me cry...happy tears. I really needed to hear that someone loves me and thinks I'm special. Means more than you know. I have this little voice in my head that keeps telling me what a worthless piece of s-hit I am.

Thanks to EVERYONE on SR for all your kindness today.

I really miss my dog. l just keep looking around my house house for him and then remembering his last moments...his last breath and when the vet told me his heart had finally stopped. I cried and kissed him over and over and over and told him what a good boy he was and how much I loved him as I stroked his head. I wrapped him in his favorite blanket with a cross around his neck and said "goodbye friend, I will see you again." Geeze...I'm crying again.

I managed to get through the day without drinking. Mostly because of you guys here on SR. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other like you said. I just don't want to put that poison in my body anymore...I just don't! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Love you too!

Dee74

I'm really glad you were there for your pooch at the end - he would have appreciated that so much Serenidad

D

bemyself

What Dee said. That's possibly all you can cope with at this moment for a little bit, Serenidad. Just allow yourself and your family the time to grieve your doggie. Do try not to over-stress at all about all the other stuff, luv. Grieving a beloved family pet can take just as much time as any much-loved human. All that other stuff is still there, once our grief for our doggies is a bit less. Perhaps just do what you can, each day, on the really simple stuff, eh? Hug your kids, have a lovely bath or whatever soothes you, eventually when it feels right, have a little memorial service or whatever with the family for doggie, listen to calming music, watch a funny movie with the kids, plant a little something in memory of your golden retriever (preferably in a place he loved to dig his bones!).

bemyself

Whoops, sorry S, I mixed up MIR's story about her golden retriever with yours. What kind of dog was yours?