We don't know what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 6
We don't know what to do
hello everyone,
my boyfriend's older brother is addicted to alcohol and his family is getting more and more clueless what is the right thing to do. My boyfriend Ted says it is very difficult to talk to Mike about that because he won't admit that he's addicted, not even to himself. Alcohol is not the only problem though.
Mike is over 32 years old and still living with his parents. He has no girlfriend or friends and is very lonely. He doesn't seem to have anyone, which is a big part of the problem too, I think. He lives in a small town and doesn't even have a driver’s license, which means he can't go anywhere far enough to get out, ever. He still has his family of course, but he is very irresponsible and will not stick to any rules, which makes living with him difficult. Besides his father is a real slob. He's unemployed for over ten years now and while his wife Stephanie works really hard, (although she's got health problems!) he won't help her with chores or anything! Mike won't let anyone in his room, and that's because its condition is worse than any garbage dump. Beer bottles are piling up everywhere and the only way to move around is from the door to the bed. Ted and Stephanie made him promise to clean up over and over again, but he just won't do it. No one is getting why, because he seems to want it himself, but just can’t get himself to do it. But even when we offer him to help with the cleaning he won’t let us, because he’s ashamed. It’s as if something inside of him is blocking him from ever doing the slightest attempt to help himself. It’s as if he has two faces. One very kind, funny and clever one, and one very angry and aggressive one. When he's drunk he's just not the same person. But the worst problem of all is that he suppresses everything. If anyone confronts him because of his drinking problem or broken promises, he will just walk away, lock the door and pretend nothing happened the next day. He won't let anyone near him or talk to him. Stephanie and Ted are really trying to help him so badly, but he just won't let himself get any help. Once Mike promised to go to a meeting to get help, but instead he just sat on a park bench for two hours. Stephanie is thinking about throwing him out of the house, but she's too afraid that he'll commit suicide. Ted says he'll do that anyway earlier or later because Mike thinks he's got nothing to live for.
Stephanie is crying every night because she feels so desperately and Ted is truly helpless too. I know it's not my family, but I love them so much and it hurts to see all of them in pain like that. We don't know what to do anymore, how can you help someone, who rejects every help that he's offered?
my boyfriend's older brother is addicted to alcohol and his family is getting more and more clueless what is the right thing to do. My boyfriend Ted says it is very difficult to talk to Mike about that because he won't admit that he's addicted, not even to himself. Alcohol is not the only problem though.
Mike is over 32 years old and still living with his parents. He has no girlfriend or friends and is very lonely. He doesn't seem to have anyone, which is a big part of the problem too, I think. He lives in a small town and doesn't even have a driver’s license, which means he can't go anywhere far enough to get out, ever. He still has his family of course, but he is very irresponsible and will not stick to any rules, which makes living with him difficult. Besides his father is a real slob. He's unemployed for over ten years now and while his wife Stephanie works really hard, (although she's got health problems!) he won't help her with chores or anything! Mike won't let anyone in his room, and that's because its condition is worse than any garbage dump. Beer bottles are piling up everywhere and the only way to move around is from the door to the bed. Ted and Stephanie made him promise to clean up over and over again, but he just won't do it. No one is getting why, because he seems to want it himself, but just can’t get himself to do it. But even when we offer him to help with the cleaning he won’t let us, because he’s ashamed. It’s as if something inside of him is blocking him from ever doing the slightest attempt to help himself. It’s as if he has two faces. One very kind, funny and clever one, and one very angry and aggressive one. When he's drunk he's just not the same person. But the worst problem of all is that he suppresses everything. If anyone confronts him because of his drinking problem or broken promises, he will just walk away, lock the door and pretend nothing happened the next day. He won't let anyone near him or talk to him. Stephanie and Ted are really trying to help him so badly, but he just won't let himself get any help. Once Mike promised to go to a meeting to get help, but instead he just sat on a park bench for two hours. Stephanie is thinking about throwing him out of the house, but she's too afraid that he'll commit suicide. Ted says he'll do that anyway earlier or later because Mike thinks he's got nothing to live for.
Stephanie is crying every night because she feels so desperately and Ted is truly helpless too. I know it's not my family, but I love them so much and it hurts to see all of them in pain like that. We don't know what to do anymore, how can you help someone, who rejects every help that he's offered?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi and Welcome!
I'm sorry for your situation, but there is little you can do until the person decides for himself to make a change.
You might like to check out our Friends & Families forum on this message board.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm sorry for your situation, but there is little you can do until the person decides for himself to make a change.
You might like to check out our Friends & Families forum on this message board.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hi, welcome to the forums.
I'm sorry your boyfriend's family has gotten themselves into this predicament. There is nothing anyone can do to make him clean his room, stop drinking, get out, etc. He has to come to this on his own, and the fact that they continue to save him from himself is not helping him.
There is a subforum here for friends and family of alcoholics, here is the link:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You'll find many others with similar stories and experience and support. When you click that link, start by reading all the "Sticky" threads at the top of the forum.
I'm sorry your boyfriend's family has gotten themselves into this predicament. There is nothing anyone can do to make him clean his room, stop drinking, get out, etc. He has to come to this on his own, and the fact that they continue to save him from himself is not helping him.
There is a subforum here for friends and family of alcoholics, here is the link:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You'll find many others with similar stories and experience and support. When you click that link, start by reading all the "Sticky" threads at the top of the forum.
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