THREE YEARS and Counting ~ Still a Newcomer
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THREE YEARS and Counting ~ Still a Newcomer
I'm cross-posting this because I really want to newcomers here to read and know that we've all been there, as cliche as that sounds. We've all taken the steps to Day#1, Month #1, Year #1, etc. sometimes more than once.
THREE YEARS and THREE MONTHS LATER...
I'm proud of myself. I haven't said that about myself often throughout my life when addiction fed my appetite for self-hate.
It feels as if the past is so far away from me, but I remember how things in your rear view mirror really are closer than they appear. This is by design, I think. It just has to be!
I made it through my surgery 9 months ago with a few of the pain meds I once loved, but now fear, with no desire to abuse them. I did look forward to the freebie buzz that came along with dulling the post-operative pain though. I took them for two weeks or so, and then weaned off nicely.
In the throes of oxy addiction, I never would have imagined living life free of pills. Free of that slavery. Free of sheer and utter torment. I was fearful of losing my job. I was doing a **** poor job of raising my children. I was so stuck in myself! That was an awfully dark and scary place that I never want to visit again. I have a new house now and have been excelling at work for the past few years. I love my job. I love my life.
I don't dread waking up in the morning anymore. I embrace it. I notice little things that make me happy - a bright blue sky, the sweet smell of flowers in the air, a slight breeze through the trees, bird chirping...all things I didn't take notice of before.
I'll never be one of those perpetually happy chippy people you see always with a smile on their face (you know who I mean). But I'm happy. Thank God!
Please, whatever you do, if you're coming here to read others' stories of recovery, know one thing above all else: YOU CAN DO THIS. Cast all doubt aside. Listen to others who, like you, stared addiction in the face with determination, as well as fear. The road to recovery is waiting for you. That road may look scary, but when it widens and brightens, you'll know and feel what's been promised to you.
Even if that first step weighs a thousand pounds, please take it.
THREE YEARS and THREE MONTHS LATER...
I'm proud of myself. I haven't said that about myself often throughout my life when addiction fed my appetite for self-hate.
It feels as if the past is so far away from me, but I remember how things in your rear view mirror really are closer than they appear. This is by design, I think. It just has to be!
I made it through my surgery 9 months ago with a few of the pain meds I once loved, but now fear, with no desire to abuse them. I did look forward to the freebie buzz that came along with dulling the post-operative pain though. I took them for two weeks or so, and then weaned off nicely.
In the throes of oxy addiction, I never would have imagined living life free of pills. Free of that slavery. Free of sheer and utter torment. I was fearful of losing my job. I was doing a **** poor job of raising my children. I was so stuck in myself! That was an awfully dark and scary place that I never want to visit again. I have a new house now and have been excelling at work for the past few years. I love my job. I love my life.
I don't dread waking up in the morning anymore. I embrace it. I notice little things that make me happy - a bright blue sky, the sweet smell of flowers in the air, a slight breeze through the trees, bird chirping...all things I didn't take notice of before.
I'll never be one of those perpetually happy chippy people you see always with a smile on their face (you know who I mean). But I'm happy. Thank God!
Please, whatever you do, if you're coming here to read others' stories of recovery, know one thing above all else: YOU CAN DO THIS. Cast all doubt aside. Listen to others who, like you, stared addiction in the face with determination, as well as fear. The road to recovery is waiting for you. That road may look scary, but when it widens and brightens, you'll know and feel what's been promised to you.
Even if that first step weighs a thousand pounds, please take it.
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