2nd day sober. Lonely and and depressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 3
2nd day sober. Lonely and and depressed
Hello. I am 21 years old and have been an alcoholic for over 2 years. It is hard for me to accept the fact that at such a young age things have gotten so bad.
I had anxiety and depression throughout my life and always kept a smile on my face. When I started drinking it was casually and with friends. It very quickly escalated from that to a point of total dependence.
I would bring water bottles of vodka with me wherever I went. School, work, anywhere.
Every morning my first thought is about a drink, I go through the big size of sobieski every 2 days. I wake up with my hands shaking and sweaty. If I don't drink in the mornings I throw up.
I hid my drinking, and it continued to esculate. I lost my job and stopped going to school. I was drunk all day everyday and blacking out in the nights. My friends started to realize and I kind of brushed it off. I didn't want to stop. I NEEDED my alcohol.
I stopped seeing my friends. I hoarded alcohol. I would just stay home and drink. I lost all ambition.
Recently I've told a few close ppl in my life how bad it has gotten. I tried to detox on my own and felt that everything was going OK but then one night I had a beer and I was right back to the same situation. I kept drinking beer all night. I bought a bottle of vodka that next morning once the liwour store opened.
2 days ago I decided to tell my parents about my problem which was a very hard thing for me. It made it easier that I was drunk at the time.
Since then I have been at home in bed detoxing. Its been very hard. Throwing up, anxiety, sweating, hot and cold. Last night was horrible nightmares and hallucinations. Also I have a hude feeling of loneliness and depression. Which is why I created this account.
I'm considering going into rehab.
I don't know if I can handle the fact that st the young age I would never have a drink again. I'm only 21. This is when ppl start drinking. Will I ever be able to handle my alcohol?
Any response is so greatly appreciated.
I had anxiety and depression throughout my life and always kept a smile on my face. When I started drinking it was casually and with friends. It very quickly escalated from that to a point of total dependence.
I would bring water bottles of vodka with me wherever I went. School, work, anywhere.
Every morning my first thought is about a drink, I go through the big size of sobieski every 2 days. I wake up with my hands shaking and sweaty. If I don't drink in the mornings I throw up.
I hid my drinking, and it continued to esculate. I lost my job and stopped going to school. I was drunk all day everyday and blacking out in the nights. My friends started to realize and I kind of brushed it off. I didn't want to stop. I NEEDED my alcohol.
I stopped seeing my friends. I hoarded alcohol. I would just stay home and drink. I lost all ambition.
Recently I've told a few close ppl in my life how bad it has gotten. I tried to detox on my own and felt that everything was going OK but then one night I had a beer and I was right back to the same situation. I kept drinking beer all night. I bought a bottle of vodka that next morning once the liwour store opened.
2 days ago I decided to tell my parents about my problem which was a very hard thing for me. It made it easier that I was drunk at the time.
Since then I have been at home in bed detoxing. Its been very hard. Throwing up, anxiety, sweating, hot and cold. Last night was horrible nightmares and hallucinations. Also I have a hude feeling of loneliness and depression. Which is why I created this account.
I'm considering going into rehab.
I don't know if I can handle the fact that st the young age I would never have a drink again. I'm only 21. This is when ppl start drinking. Will I ever be able to handle my alcohol?
Any response is so greatly appreciated.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome LD 
You'll find a lot of folks here who wished they quit at 21
If drinking makes you this sick, I think you're making a great decision to stop.
I drank until I was 40 and basically I lost 2 decades. Don't be me
I was a lonely drunk too but sober I'm having the time of my life. Things have never been better
Please so consider seeing a Dr if you're really unwell, ok?
Great to have you with us - I think you'll soon feel at home
D
You'll find a lot of folks here who wished they quit at 21
If drinking makes you this sick, I think you're making a great decision to stop.
I drank until I was 40 and basically I lost 2 decades. Don't be me
I was a lonely drunk too but sober I'm having the time of my life. Things have never been better
Please so consider seeing a Dr if you're really unwell, ok?
Great to have you with us - I think you'll soon feel at home
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 3
Thank you Dee. I am going to call my doctor on Monday to take about treatment. I'm very anxious about that BC I've lied about my alcohol intake to her in the past. I am so ashamed of my lying.
Is comforting to hear that happy sobriety is possible. I find myself always looking to escape reality. Sobriety seems terrifying
Is comforting to hear that happy sobriety is possible. I find myself always looking to escape reality. Sobriety seems terrifying
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR.
Glad you made the decision to quit. For people like me, removing alcohol from my life is the only way.
Don't hesitate to see a doctor if things get too bad. Nothing to be shamed about and they can help out.
Glad you made the decision to quit. For people like me, removing alcohol from my life is the only way.
Don't hesitate to see a doctor if things get too bad. Nothing to be shamed about and they can help out.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I've heard it said that when doctors ask how much do you drink they usually treble whatever the answer they get, so I understand feeling ashamed but I think most Drs have heard it all - it'll be ok
D
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
I started drinking again after being sober 20 years and quickly ended up addicted just like the first time. 
I know now I'll never be able to drink 'normally'. But living as I am now, sober, I don't want to drink again as I'm happier now than I was when I was drinking.
Come clean to your doctor and ask for help getting safely thru detox. There is a better life out there than what you've got now. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
I started drinking again after being sober 20 years and quickly ended up addicted just like the first time. 
I know now I'll never be able to drink 'normally'. But living as I am now, sober, I don't want to drink again as I'm happier now than I was when I was drinking.Come clean to your doctor and ask for help getting safely thru detox. There is a better life out there than what you've got now. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
The thing about alcoholism is that it does not discriminate based on age, gender, rich, poor etc. I see this at AA meetings all the time. Many different stories and backgrounds, but in the end, it's all the same.
Hopefully, you have people around to make sure you are ok, but please don't hesitate to check yourself into an ER if things get rough.
Ya, change is scary but what your going through is pretty scary too!! When your up to it, try reading post from people who have been what your going through and how much better their lives are now. Take care and stay safe. John
Hopefully, you have people around to make sure you are ok, but please don't hesitate to check yourself into an ER if things get rough.
Ya, change is scary but what your going through is pretty scary too!! When your up to it, try reading post from people who have been what your going through and how much better their lives are now. Take care and stay safe. John
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think a lot of found the thought of sobriety terrifying. I sure did. But, it's the disease that makes you believe that and keeps you hooked. For me, things got bad enough that I had to take the leap of faith and stop drinking. You will be able to do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 3
I first tried getting sober when I was 21 and reading your posts you sound just like me. I'm 22 now and I'm trying again and I hope it works this time. I wish it had a year ago... Anyway, I hope you feel better and wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
The way I see it you have a few things in your favor already, your age, your honesty, and you've joined this site and posted. To be honest, that's a lot of alcohol you are drinking. Great job toughing out the withdrawal process and considering treatment. You can do man, you really can.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome to a great place for encouragement, Lonelydrunk.
It's so good you see what needs to happen - I'd give anything to go back and reclaim my lost decades. I knew early on that I didn't drink normally. I could never get enough. In the end, I wasn't high or happy when I drank - I just kept it in my system so I wouldn't shake. That isn't living. Be proud of yourself for taking this huge step. We are with you.
It's so good you see what needs to happen - I'd give anything to go back and reclaim my lost decades. I knew early on that I didn't drink normally. I could never get enough. In the end, I wasn't high or happy when I drank - I just kept it in my system so I wouldn't shake. That isn't living. Be proud of yourself for taking this huge step. We are with you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Sweetie- I wish I was as smart as you are when I was 21. It would have saved me decades of a wasted life. It may not feel like it now but it DOES get better.
Do you think your parents would drive you to an AA meeting? You may find the meetings help and I think you'll be surprised at the number of people in your age group. Keep posting.
Do you think your parents would drive you to an AA meeting? You may find the meetings help and I think you'll be surprised at the number of people in your age group. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Lonelydrunk21! It's good to have you with us. Like you I was already headed down a bad road by the time I was 21. Unlike you I didn't face facts until later- much later. Finally in my early 40's my life with booze became unmanageable.
You're wise to quit now! As bad as it is now, it will get a lot worse. "Handling your alcohol" is maybe not an option anymore. In my case it's so crystal clear in hindsight but I couldn't see it or didn't want to see it for many years.
You'll find lots of support here! You can change your life, save your life. No need to be lonely, nor drunk.
You're wise to quit now! As bad as it is now, it will get a lot worse. "Handling your alcohol" is maybe not an option anymore. In my case it's so crystal clear in hindsight but I couldn't see it or didn't want to see it for many years.
You'll find lots of support here! You can change your life, save your life. No need to be lonely, nor drunk.
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