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Old 06-06-2015, 04:37 PM
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Intro

Hello friends. I am a 28 year old female and I am an alcoholic. I have lurked this site for a good 5 years. I recently relapsed after having a good chunk of sober time, over a year. I drank beer for 2 days on Memorial day and have also been drinking the last 2 days. I also did a couple lines of cocaine last nite. Had to have the couple of beers left in the fridge to steady myself for work this morning (5am).That was my last drink today and hopefully forever. I am going back to my old ways and I am SCARED TO DEATH I will never beat this addiction. i have thrown away SO many opportunities, jobs, and relationships because of this. I've taken myself to the hospital for withdrawals before (3 times). I don't feel thats necessary at the moment as I am in much better health than I used to be and only have drank on those two occasions. I just want so badly to be rid of this terrible affliction. My AV is usually pretty quiet these days but every once in a while it just will not take no for an answer. Sorry I'm just rambling all this out. I have to tell someone tho and all you folks are so helpful and uplifting. I have been to several aa meetings in the past and am def going to find one to attend tomorrow after work. I never really worked the steps, just kind of hunkered down and muscled myself sober from the back of the room. Obviously not working. Perhaps even an addictions counselor would be beneficial. I just ...I don't want to be this person again. Beer binging for days , drinking before work, AT WORK. Running away every time I screw up. Running and lying and self loathing. I would honestly rather be dead. I am not suicidal though. Any words of encouragement and or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
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Old 06-06-2015, 04:50 PM
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Welcome to SR, cozmilk. This place is a great source of wisdom and support and what's extra great about it is it's open 24/7.

Seems like you already know that the hospital is an option if withdrawals get too bad. And going to meetings and sitting in the front row sounds like a good idea too. Wishing you the best on the start of this wonderful journey. I'm on day 30 myself and life is getting better each and every day. Check in often please and I look forward to getting to know you better!
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Old 06-06-2015, 04:57 PM
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Thanks so much CaseyW! And congrats on 30 days! I will try to get in the front row for sure next meeting.
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Old 06-06-2015, 05:09 PM
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I'm really glad you decided to post Cozmik.

Making the decision to quit was the start of my returning to the real me.
I've never regretted it

D
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Old 06-06-2015, 05:21 PM
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Welcome ;-)
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:07 PM
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Thank you ! Good to be here
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:11 PM
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Welcome Cozmik. Sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of what your addiction is and what you need to do. A meeting sounds like a good idea, I hope you can get into the program fully this time. SR is always here 24/7 if you need support of have questions, don't be a stranger!
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:13 PM
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Cozmik - it's so good to meet you. Beleive me, we understand what you're going through.

I was drinking before work and at work at the end of my drinking career. I did it so I wouldn't shake or be sick. It was a horrific way to live. I knew I couldn't continue or I'd die. It was actually a relief to say 'never again' and to get free.
You can do it! Keep posting.
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:16 PM
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Welcome Cozmik!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:37 PM
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As someone else has said, I think you see it pretty clearly. Exercise some discipline and determination and you'll pull yourself out of this mess. You've done it before. best wishes to you.
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Old 06-06-2015, 10:08 PM
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Welcome Cozmik, I am just getting back into the swing of things again, I will have 20 days in a few hours, but have tried to stop a few times. Earlier today I went back and read my posts from when I first joined, and the times I started posting after going back to drinking again. It was a good reminder for me of where I don't want to be again. Sounds like you are feeling the same.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR! :-)
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Old 06-06-2015, 10:14 PM
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Welcome, Cozmik!

The others have said it well. I'm glad you are here and posting. It helps so much to feel connected. As many of us have discovered, white knuckling doesn't fix it. You can do this.
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Old 06-07-2015, 12:07 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Cozmik!!
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