Second attempt - but with more reasons and a plan
 

Hi All :)

I posted on SR a few weeks ago about quitting drinking. That attempt to quit was, looking back on it, quite half-hearted, goal-less, and it only lasted a few beer-free days before I started drinking again (and twice as much as before).

A few things have happened in the last month or so that have made me much more determined this time. A few health problems have cropped up (fairly minor ones, but they could potentially get much worse if I don't stop drinking); I applied for a new job and have an interview next week - but realised that I'm too scared of getting the job and failing at it (and also highly anxious/terrified about working with strangers); and I've realised just how much my brain-power has slipped. I was never brilliant at it, but I used to have a big interest in mathematics - I loved solving problems, and out of boredom and curiosity I opened one of my old text books this morning and was depressed to find just how impossible even the simplest concepts seem to me now; I've lost any kind of ability to focus and concentrate, and that seems like a big red flashing warning sign to me.

Added to the day-to-day grind that comes with nightly heavy drinking - irritability, lethargy, apathy and never getting a decent night's sleep, and I just think that if I don't quit right now, there could be much worse things on the horizon.

So I'm quitting today, and my goal/distraction (eccentric as it might seem) is to work through what used to be my favourite maths text book. I also have a to-do list of work I need to do on the garden and the house, to have a physical-work distraction when I get frustrated that my beer-addled brain won't work anymore (which I think is inevitable).

So this is day one again for me.

Welcome back Julie. Sounds like you have a good plan. Good luck on your interview next week! :)

Welcome back, Julie.

Hi.

When I finally got the pain inspired inspiration to stop drinking I needed to concentrate a lot of energy to not drink even if my a$$ fell off. If failing that ALL other desires failed because of picking up that first drink. I needed to concentrate on working to change the reasons I drank and quickly saw doing it alone was going to be hopeless the way my thinking was so centered on drinking.

I put all effort into what AA strongly suggested long before the word “internet” was a word.
The results today and for a long time: absolutely no regrets.

BE WELL

You sound like I did. I freaked out at my inability to do things I was once good at. It will come back with time. I wish you the best of luck!

Jennifer

Welcome back Julie, I am recently back as well, so maybe we can check in on each other. Good luck on the interview!!:-)

Welcome back Julie. And good luck for that interview.

So, how is your sobriety plan looking?

Your 'plan' for today looks fairly harsh. Work, work, work. Are you punishing yourself?? At the end of all that work, you are going to feel like you deserve a reward. That's probably when you'd have reached for a drink before. What have you got in your sobriety plan for when you feel the need to reward yourself? Best to think ahead with these things or they trip us up.

Good to see you back.

Sad to say I failed last night; my partner asked me to pick up some beer for him when I went to the shop to buy something for tea. I'm planning to go first thing this morning and buy everything I need for the next few days, to at least take some temptation away.

Delila - cheers :) it'd be great to have someone else to check in with who's trying again.

Beccy - doing my little maths puzzles (and they *are* little - any understanding I had was drunk away long ago!) is like a reward; I feel like I haven't used my brain in years, and every time I get an answer right, I feel like I'm moving forward. (other rewards I plan to give myself are cake and long hot bubblebaths in the evenings ;) )

Good - loving your sober self is the way forward.
I really enjoy the Mensa activities on their website, so I know what you mean about the Maths challenges. Have a little look - You might enjoy them ... https://www.mensa.org.uk/puzzles

Cake and bubble bath sounds good as well :)

PS - Does your husband know you're quitting?? You know, it's not at all unreasonable to tell him to buy his own beer for a while - if he's supporting you he will understand this :)

Thanks for the link, not sure I'm up to Mensa standards but it'll be fun finding out :)

(me and him are trying to quit, but separately, because doing it together just led to sulking when we both resented the support we offered each other. In all honesty, I could have left that extra beer on the shelf, or if I hadn't been getting some for him I might have picked some up for me anyway - I can't keep blaming the little triggers and temptations - those kind of situations are always going to be around, so I might as well learn to get past them sooner than later)

You might surprise yourself! :D

Welcome back Julie. You can do this but you've got to dig deep, make a plan, and just don't drink today.

Trust me, you won't regret this decision.

Best wishes.

Welcome back!

The human body is amazing and capable of bouncing back and healing if you give it a chance and stop poisoning it with Alcohol.

All the best

Hi Julie. :)

I'm back on day one too. And I start a new job on Monday -- I can relate to how you're feeling. I've been unemployed for a while and I'm so scared that I'm going to fail at this.

Today's a new day, Julie. Glad you made it back in here and wishing you a wonderful sober day! Don't be afraid to post in here once a minute if urges/cravings hit you. There's a ton of great wisdom and support to be found here. Take advantage of it!

Welcome back Julie!! :)

Hi everyone :)

Thanks for all your support and encouragement. I didn't drink last night, went to bed at nine o'clock, and then woke up at 1am. Two hours later I was still tossing and turning, so I'm sitting up, drinking endless coffee, reading threads on SR and thinking that if I stay awake all day, I'll at least be able to get to sleep tonight - not the best plan in the world because by four this afternoon I'll be dog tired and my resolve will be low.

I'm not sure it's a plan I need right now so much as a motivation; it's a vicious circle - my life's a bit dull and I feel very apathetic and lethargic, so I drink beer for a few hours' escape, which makes me feel apathetic and lethargic, which makes life dull…so I drink.

But enough of my self-indulgent rambling. Tuitui - congratulations on your new job, and I hope your first day (at both your new job and at quitting alcohol) goes very well! Many thanks to everyone - your support, suggestions and help are very much appreciated.

I see two types of ways to go at sobriety. The "get up and go go go" way where people start new hobbies, clean the house, organize the kitchen, etc. and the "sit on the couch and minimize all stress/rest" way. I did the on the couch way. For the first few weeks I really would have looked like someone with the flu. Blankets, laptop, and tons of comfort food. I think the different ways work for different people.

I can relate to the paralyzing fear of starting a new job. However, my biggest fear was losing the job due to one of the many problems that drinking causes: tired appearance, lack of hygiene, being LATE, sleeping through my alarm, general apathy, irritability, visibly shaking hands, emailing the boss a drunk email, getting a DUI, and many, many other worries. Now that I'm sober I don't gave to worry about any of those. Sobriety will help your career!

Perhaps the key to my plan was spending 4-8 hours logged in here every single day in the first month. Sound like a lot of time? Well I never used to think twice about spending 5-8 hours drunk every night and accomplishing jack squat. It was the least I could do. I had to put as much effort into my sobriety as I did drinking alcohol. Otherwise I didn't stand a chance.

I also had moderate to severe cognition difficulties early on. I thought I had wet brain. I had difficulty reading all the way through a page in a book. Sometimes a sentence. PIN numbers and passwords left me completely. I am happy to report that my cognition has returned..

Thanks MelindaFlowers, I'll probably give both ways a try in the next week or two (today's definitely a couch day for me). And you're right, SR's a big help and motivator - I've spent a few hours reading it this morning; cognition worries are a big recurring theme in a lot of the threads, so you saying yours returned gives me hope :)

Hi Julie, This is also my Day 1 and I swear it WILL be my last !

I too have a cognitive decline, especially the last 3 years that
I have been drinking and its getting worse at a faster rate.

It scares me !

When I have difficulty "Connecting the Dots" in simple, everyday dealings it can be quite alarming as you well know.

I also have terrible Depression which I used to be able to escape from with sleep. Not anymore. I sleep but it is not a restful, healthy sleep. I live too much of my concious life in my dreams at night along with all the depression, dispair, anxiety, remorse, etc... and my dreams are becoming more and more disturbing.

I'am convinced its "Alcoholic Dementia" in the early stages. It will only get worse. It never gets better.

Good luck to you Hope to see you often on this forum!

To Day 1...And BEYOND !!!

DD