adore79

Hi all its been a while since I visited this site cause I really didn't have any support to give i've been too caught up in my own problems. I want to tell people that life gets better after they quit, and it does for most at least that is my conclusion from things I've read in these forums. For me though things haven't gotten better. I am not currently sober and I drank half a liter of vodka yesterday. I have had very long stretches of sobriety though, sometimes over a year at a time. Life keeps kicking my ass and my physical and mental health is deteriorating. So, what I want to say really, is that it does get better for most but not all. And in fact most people don't quit for good or so i've heard.
I wish I was a kid again with all the potential and freedom that comes with youth. Not to make changes to my future to have a better life, but to just stay a kid forever.
When it all finally does end I want to go out sober and I believe that's what will happen. Life as a slave to the toxins of alcohol is no way to live and we need to cherish every sober moment we have. If we quit for good then we will be cherishing life completely. Ok now I'm rambling so I will just say this: don't pick up and keep coming back to these forums for support and don't give up. Thanks for reading!

Dee74

Hi adore - good to see you but sorry to hear you're struggling.

I just wanted to say for me getting sober has been like being a kid again in the sense of all that potential and freedom still being there.

I'd hate you to miss out on experiencing that.

Never give up hope, but keep always refining whatever it is you do for your recovery.

do you have any ideas on a recovery plan at all?

D

OCDDan

adore, I think a lot of us are walking a fine line, you're not that far from sobriety, you know when you cave your gonna feel like krap the next day, sober is so much better, i hope you can kick the booze. dan

SoberLeigh

I agree with Dee, adore79; sobriety is liberating, peaceful and fulfilling. I hope you can find permanency in your sobriety.

saoutchik

Adore79 - over a year of sobriety is fantastic. Don't quit fighting this just because you're in a bad place right now

Maybe most people don't quit for good but equally I don't think that the struggle against alcohol is a zero sum game, that year + that you were sober counts for something.

Your post was quite lucid so I don't think there is anything terminally wrong with your mental health. Keep trying Adore79 - you can do it

Irnldy001

I think we've all teetered between the two worlds. And my relapses always had "good excuses' attached to them. I easily gave myself permission to relapse when something would devastate me. It was also easier when I was not admitting the problem out loud and having others hold me accountable. My current sobriety will soon hit six months (longest stretch ever) and I made a TON of changes right from the outset at this point. AA was there right away, Doctor's visit on first day, and sat husband down to tell him the extent of it (ie, I do most of my drinking when you go to sleep, I wake up hungover every day). I have told my closest friends that I go out with. While my kids ask why I no longer drink wine with dinner, I just told them I realized it wasn't healthy for me, and lately it was making my stomach woozy, so it must be bad. They haven't really questioned it more than that.
Because I have created a world of support and accountability, if I'm even near a table with beverages that include alcohol my husband will catch my eye -(I'm 99% of the time not even tempted or thinking about it as there are other things like Perrier there), but it's still a subtle reminder from my accountability gang. I can't do this alone is what I'm trying to ramble out here. It's the support system that helps me through each day. AA is great for me, but it's not everything, and I don't really believe I will be visiting quite so much in time.
That doesn't mean the hard knocks don't come my way, or that I don't get let down or pushed around. It happens, more than I'd like to talk about. But now I go home and talk. I call someone and talk. I am learning to let it out and breathe. I also added meditation, just being in my body every day.
You can do this if I can. I was pretty bad. I can't get that time back, but I'm sure if you asked my family and friends today they'd happily tell you that I'm a different person the last six months. I don't want to lose her. She actually cares about others, truly. She makes sure her actions don't harm others. She feels, she digests, and she lives. A full life.
I wish this for you too

Anna

Hi Adore,

I'm glad you came back and posted your update. There is lots of hope so please don't give up.

Sasha4

I have the most freedom I have ever had since I stopped drinking.
I can drive whenever I want to.
I used to be over the limit by 7pm.

I am not bed ridden with hangovers or locked in the house with anxiety anymore.

I am so much more carefree too - no 'what did I say, what did I do.

I cherish and enjoy the more simple things now..a good nights sleep, reading an enjoyable book, a series on television that grabs my attention, making nice food, catching up with friends.

Booze just makes everything complicated, difficult and sad in my world.

Why don't you just not pick up from today on?

24hrsAday

hope to see you posting again some time adore..

JK130

You've got a lot of people here cheering you on!

Dee74

This was a few months back - I hope you're doing ok if you're reading this adore

PurpleKnight

I hope Adore is doing well!!

doggonecarl

sorry...old post