I'm new to the site - have been feeling very helpless!
 

I have been married to a functioning alcoholic for almost twenty years. He has always done everything big, big, big. He is an extremely hard worker. Five years ago, he got a DUI. His company never found out about it. I had to drive him to all of his appointments for three months. We have our health care through his company.

He has been going out to bars after work on a daily basis and then coming home with a big bottle of wine which he polishes off before he goes to sleep. He has a very difficult time sleeping and getting up in the morning.

Recently he has been making very poor judgment calls and I feel as though things are spiraling out of control. Several weeks ago, he was with one of his twenty five year old employees going to Quick Check in her car to buy cigarettes. She wears very sexy clothes and looks like a hooker. Someone called the cops. She had a sizable amount of dope in her glove compartment along with a white substance which they assumed was cocaine. Both of them got arrested. Hubby had to pay an attorney a sizable amount of money, which he refuses to disclose. He has another court date in several weeks.

He has not told anyone about the arrest. He spent the next day with his family for his nephews communion party.

The part that really drives me crazy is that he has a lot of creative talents. He can draw, paint, plays the piano and the accordion. He is capable of doing really great things. Instead he chooses to get loaded every day. He justifies his behavior by the fact that he works so hard. He feels that he deserves to have a drink after work. The problem is that it can never be just one. I've noticed that he will not attend an event that does not have alcohol available.

I am getting concerned that he is going to destroy everything that we have worked for so hard. It is a hopeless feeling. He thinks he is smarter than anyone he has ever met and refuses to get help. Any suggestions for coping would be much appreciated.

I'm sorry for your situation. I hope your husband decides to stop drinking, but as you said he refuses to get help, there is not much you can do.

Have you considered AlAnon as a support for yourself. Also, do check out our Friends & Families forum on this board:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

Welcome - I'm glad you came here to talk things over, M.

For me, at some point in my progression to a full blown Alcoholic, I left the illusion of Addiction convince me I was not too bad. The choice of not drinking as a permanent life change was too scary to consider for me.

Unfortunately, until your husband realizes Alcohol is a problem in his life, denial will continue.

Btw, there is a family section in the forum list. You could get insight there.

All the best,

I'm glad you joined us, tho I'm not glad for the reason behind it. :( Your husband will not change until he sees the need to change. The only thing you can do is set boundaries for his behavior and get support for yourself. :hug:

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

I'm sorry for what brings you here Mickey, but I'm glad you've found us :)

there's a lot of support here :)

D