Allie78

Hi all - I'm 4 months sober and have had a pretty positive experience thus far in my journey. Building a sober network of new friends, attending meetings regularly and working the steps with my sponsor. By no means do I means it been all fun and games, but my experience has been a good one so far.
My question is how does one deal with another newcomer (when you are one yourself) who keeps slipping? I don't know her very well - I reached out in a meeting to her and gave her my number. We keep trying to get together but have had to reschedule our coffee date several times. She has slipped several times in the past month. I'm trying to be empathetic and there for her, but I'm at a loss of how to help her. Her stories always seem to change and I'm not convinced she's being honest with me or herself. I am honored that she is trying to open up to me, but I just have no experience in dealing with this type of situation before. Looking for any suggestions. Should I continue to cheer her on, or should I call her out on her always changing stories?

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 4 months, that's great work! Regarding "helping" others, there's a lot of grey area. I'm assuming you mean AA meetings as you've exchanged numbers?

Calling her out on her stories probably isn't going to be all that productive...as we all know denial and lying are very common to alcoholics. She will need to find the power within to change, you cannot "make" her by confronting her on her stories, whether they are true or not.

I think the best thing you can do is offer encouragement when she does call, but if the frequency becomes to much to deal with, you are absolutely in the right to not take her calls any more. You have your own sobriety to work on, remember?

Ruby2

Hi Allie, congratulations on four months. You are under no obligation to this other newcomer. It's always troubling when someone you've reached out to keep drinking. I'd probably leave this as an " I'll see you at the meeting. Do you need a ride? ". At four months you are still early on. Be friendly but that's about it. People like this can be a drain on our resources early in recovery. Be careful and keep up what you are doing for yourself

Anna

I agree with what Scott said. Do encourage her when she calls you and offer kindness, but when you know you've reached your limit, step away and know you've done the right thing. Congratulations on your 4 months of recovery.

least

I would suggest just 'being an ear' for her if she wants to talk. I would not call her out on her stories tho as that might drive her away.

Just let her know you support her.

Congrats on four months sober!

Allie78

Thank you!! I can't believe it's already been 4 months.
You all confirmed what I thought would be the right way to go about it - keep encouraging but don't over extend myself to her. I just wasn't sure if NOT calling her out on her inconsistencies (in a nice way of course) would somehow allow her to think that what she's doing is acceptable. But she's is on her own journey, and as people keep reminding me- you can't stop someone else from drinking, I can only be responsible for myself.

Soberwolf

Welcome Allie

Ileana

Talk to her. Support her. Be kind to her. But remember..your sobriety comes first. Since you're relatively new to sobriety, don't make the mistake many newbie's do which is concentrating on her sobriety and not your own. You are in charge of you and only you.

Dee74

Welcome

Some great advice here Allie - another persons recovery is their responsibility not mine.

In time to come you'll be able to help and help well - but I've seen many well meaning newcomers trying to save another and both go down.

D

MIRecovery

The thing that I always have to remind myself of is, "Is there anything that someone could have said or done that would have stopped my drinking?" The answer is no!

So what makes me think I have the power to convince someone else?

We all quit in our own time for our own reasons

Fly N Buy

4 months is great - well done!! If she has a sponsor encourage her to reach out to that person. If she has no sponsor encourage her to get one

Speaking of which - what did your sponsor tell you to do with regards to interaction with her ??


We ( of AA ) don't call each other out. We encourage rigorous honesty and hope our examples of such leads others in that light.
Pray - take action for yourself and leave the results up to the God of your understanding.

You're a good , caring friend and are destined to help many. We cannot transmit something we don't have, however = me too !

Thank you for the thread!

live4luv

Congrats on 4 months!! You are already doing an awesome thing for her by your example. If she is ready & wants the sobriety that you have, she will help herself. I have 10 days today, thank you for reminding me that I want what you have.

SoberLife90

I would just let her find her way. You have made yourself available to her and if she wants some help she knows where to come. I wouldnt waste any of my time helping someone who just isnt "there" yet. Maybe she just isnt done drinking and drugging. What more can ya do? In the big book it talks about it in the chapter "Working with Others". Give it a read!