DrunkenDonuts

Hi all . Haven't posted any threads for a while but thought I'd share my experience so far.

I began this journey on January 28 this year when I joined this site. At least I think I joined that day.

The year before was an absolute shambles, which was the culmination of 10 years of progressively heavier drinking, which I started because I wanted to get high and alter my consciousness after giving up weed.

Last year I moved house 3 times, missed about 100 days of work and was forced into the psych ward of hospital after suicidal thoughts and cutting myself.

I moved into my parents house in December and I was still getting drunk when the opportunity to do so arose, which was if no one was around for a couple of hours.

I began to drink straight rum towards the end, drinking about a litre a day in the final week of drinking. It massacred me.

I could feel my organs inside me. My liver was not a happy boy - in fact I was not a happy boy.

For a few days after my final binge I was living in a soupy fog of fear, dread and sadness. Wondering if I'd keep my job; if I'd cashed the few remaining chips of goodwill my family had tossed me; if this was the end of this life.

It was at this time that I decided to do what I thought I had to do in order to get better. I'll clarify that. Previously I'd gone to therapy, I'd gone to AA, I'd taken naltrexone and camparal (think that's the name of it). My point is that they were suggestions to me but not things I chose all by myself. And I hate people telling me what to do!

Anyhow - I decided that alcohol wasn't an option for me and I had to force myself into it. I went to my doctor and got a script for Antabuse. It took about a week to obtain some due to a nation wide shortage, but I got some in the end and took it religiously, which is ironic because I'm not at all religious.

At the start I wasn't drinking because I knew that if I did, I'd end up in hospital. Since it wasn't an option, I had to find new things to do apart from drinking. So I made posts on here and read quite a bit on SR. Even though I couldn't relate to some stories, I found it useful because it was a reminder to me that weakness can strike at any time.

I also explored other interests. I cooked, I played computer games and I watched television. I went back to group therapy and am learning more about how to be a functioning member of society. And importantly for me, I went to work every day. Not one sick day in 4 months!

So why am I posting tonight? Well today when I got up at 12.30pm (give me a break - I'm on leave) I learned that my parents were heading out for the night. My mind went to the thought that I could get drunk.

Because I had stopped taking the antabuse every day, I knew I'd be okay as it had been a few days. No hospital for me! The next thing I did was to dissolve an antabuse pill and gulp it down. I wasn't going to even give myself a chance to drink. And then I spent the day being productive rather than thinking of when I could race out and get some beer and rum.

And when my parents went out and I really wanted that cold beer flowing over my tongue and down my gullet, I went out and bought some ginger beer.

So right now, what have I achieved by not drinking? I have a better relationship with my family and with work , I've gone to the movies with a friend (which I hadn't done for years) I've learned new things and I'm even looking at buying my first house. 4 months of not drinking.

Damn I wish I'd done this years ago . I'm glad I didn't wait any longer to do this.

Hopefully some newbies can read this and get some inspiration as I have from writing it.

least

Congrats on your sober time! 157 days is great! Keep on keepin' on.

Thirdwave

That's awesome and very encouraging. Thanks for sharing. Best of luck with your continued sobriety and success in life.

ChickChick

Congrats on 157 days that is wondeful!
I had 120 some days in February. My husband's birthday AV really hit me hard and I caved and drank. I really regret it, took me 3 months to get back on track. Of I hasn't chosen to drink I definitely wouldn't have regretted it.
I'm so glad that you resisted the temptation and don't have to regret your actions today! Way to go!!

SoberLeigh

Congratulations on 157 days, DD; well done.

Stick with it; sobriety gets better and better and that AV gets weaker and weaker.

DrunkenDonuts

Thanks ChickChick! I'm too weak by myself. I think if I didn't have the antabuse I would have had a lot more of a problem.

In my mind it's taking alcohol off the table as an option, like if I were to move to a remote cabin.

ScottFromWI

Thanks for sharing DD, glad to hear things are going well. It sounds like you've made some very positive progress in several areas of your life, that's fantastic. Don't be a stranger!

Surrender2win

Great job DrunkenDonuts! I'm a newbie (18 days) and found your post very inspiring! Way to go.

Foolsgold186

Great post! Congratulations on 157 days!

DrunkenDonuts

Thanks Surrender2win

I'm also a newbie compared to a lot of folks here, but I'm glad my experience over the past few months has helped a bit.

I think it's important for people to be exposed to everyone's experience in getting sober, so I hope you'll keep posting!

PurpleKnight

157 Days is fantastic!!

saoutchik

Great to read such a positive post DD - I had noticed your absence from the threads and i do tend to fear the worst when people stop posting.

I guess your an example of the help Antabuse can give but it is mostly down to yourself

Dee74

I don't think you're weak at all - you're sounding great DD - congratulations

D

Venecia

Thanks, Donuts!

I remember when you first came here and felt pretty rough. (As most of us did.) It's nice to read about your new outlook on life.

Some pretty great things can happen once we take alcohol off the table.

DrunkenDonuts

Thanks saoutchik

I do agree that without my wanting to quit I probably would have relapsed. I guess after saying "Never again" so many times, I wanted to have a sort of fallback position if I thought I may get into strife with my AV - hence the antabuse.

DrunkenDonuts

Heheh.. Trust me mate - I'm weak.

I guess the best way to describe my thinking is that I have sane moments when I know drinking isn't for me, and it's at those times I take antabuse. The "now" me is protecting the "tomorrow" me so to speak.

I can't trust "tomorrow me" any further than I can throw him!

DrunkenDonuts

Thanks Venecia

As a single guy I've never really had anyone but myself to look out for and that hasn't helped at all. The only consequences were going to be mine and mine alone pretty much.

To be at a stage where I'm seriously looking at buying my first house is amazing. I never thought I'd be able to do that - especially alone.

So you're absolutely right! You're never going to win the game playing with half a deck of cards.

Silver11

That was a fantastic and uplifting story. I'm only 5 days sober. But I've had stretches that lasted up to four months in the past. I've been binge drinking 20 years and I know all too well the feeling that creeps into my mind when I know I can get away with drinking. It's so seductive. And so hard to combat. I have taken a Valium in the past to avoid drinking. Because I'm scared to death of mixing alcohol and Valium. But it isn't a solution. Congrats again.

Dee74

I think most of us vaccilate a little for a while DD.
the important thing is we make the right decision, no matter how we get there.

DrunkenDonuts

Thanks drash11

In the past I have mixed alcohol and valium and ended up just blacking out sooner. But I am definitely a binge drinker as well - see a space open up ahead and it's planning time to figure out how much you can drink.

Will I be sober for work? Will my [insert loved one here] find out? Will I be able to get really drunk?

I am sick of that dance.

Welcome here as well!