Serenidad

Hi friends,

Well, after months of back and forth and back and forth about what the best method of recovery support for me (and probably driving people crazy) I have finally decided to use SR solely (and any other program EXCEPT Alcoholics Anonymous). I'm not bashing AA because as I have said in the past, it works for some...just not a good fit for me anymore.

I actually had my sponsor yell at me yesterday and tell me I was lying about something terrible that happened to me in my past. I was NOT lying and when she found out I WAS telling the truth she felt bad but it was too late. That was the last straw for me. I felt so hurt that I slipped and had 4 beers. I looked around at the people in the bar I was at and said to myself "ENOUGH! I don't want to do this anymore!" and went home.

My sobriety date is June 2, 2015 (today). Why am I starting this thread? So I can be accountable. I need a place that I can get support. I hope it's ok to document my progress on this thread as I go along. I think it will really help me!

My plan: SR, church, exercise, therapy and making my sobriety #1. I have had sobriety in the past so I know how good it feels. I want it back! I was curled up in a ball crying all day. I felt do deeply depressed and hopeless but no more! I have hope again. I am permanently leaving AA because for me...it hurts more than helps. Again, I'm happy for people it helps.

There are many roads to the same goal. Mine just isn't AA. Thanks for your support. This is the first day of the rest of my life. I know I've said it before....so the proof is in the pudding.

Thanks for loving me even when I don't love myself. I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass this last year. I really am.

Anna

It matters not how you get sober and recover. Try to focus on not drinking, rather than focusing on following or not following a specific program.

saoutchik

Good for you Serenidad. You sound like a really genuine person, i'm sure you will succeed

Soberintexas007

Hi Serenidad,
Glad to hear you appear to be on the road to recovery. In your plan of recovery, you mentioned counseling....do you mean individual counseling?

Also, I understand that you had a bad experience with your sponsor in AA and now you want nothing to do with AA anymore. Is there any chance that you would currently feel differently about AA if you had not had a bad experience with your sponsor?

IfYouCanDream

Best of luck on your new journey.
Rooting for you

gettingsmarter

Serenidad welcome back.

Dee74

As long as your plan results in your not drinking, it's a good plan

There are some great guidelines here tho:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

Saskia

Welcome back, Serenidad!

least

I hope this can be your last day one.

GroundhogDay

You can do this Serenidad. Remember, SR, AA, and other recovery methods and tools are there to help, but in the end, it is up to you to get and stay sober and build a new, happy life for yourself.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Serenidad, perhaps joining a monthly thread here could help?

Serenidad

Individual counseling and NO it's not just about a bad sponsor...that's a very small part of it. It was just the last straw. Thx for asking! :-)

Serenidad

Me too Least! Me too...

Serenidad

Yes that would help. Thanks Scott! What tools do you use to help you stay sober?

Serenidad

Wow! This is great Dee. Thank you.

Serenidad

Please pray for my son who is being bullied. We talked to his parents tonight and now we are afraid the bullying will get worse. :-( I wish this kid would just leave our son alone!!! :'-(

Dee74

I hope it won't get worse - there were a lot of good suggestions in the other thread tho?

D

Serenidad

Thanks Dee. I think we are also going to report it to the school and if it still continues call the police & have them pay the kid a little visit. This kid is messing with the wrong people! :-0

Jeni26

Hi Serenidad. I've been following your story as it's similar to mine. I was sober for a few years and truly happy too, but relapsed at Christmas. What surprised me most was that I found it really difficult to get sober again. I began lying to people telling them I was sober when I wasn't as I tried over and over again to stick to it. You have been honest all the way through, and I admire that.

In the end, I had to do something completely different...have a new experience which jolted me back into sobriety. For me, there were different strands. I didn't like AA meetings, so I went and tried some completely new ones..i hated speaking, so I shared at every one...I didn't like mixing, so I went and had coffee with people. I literally had to shake it all up. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone over and over. I re-did the steps with my sponsor, and have now started the steps of Al-Anon with somebody new. If it made me uncomfortable I did it. I don't think I will ever have back what I did, but this is new and exciting. A new sober experience.

Maybe that's what stops those of us who relapse after years of sobriety from getting back up again. We try the same things that worked the first time over and over again...and we just can't accept it has stopped working.

I truly believe that all of us have the potential to be sober as long as we remain open-minded and never ever give up.

I wish you well on your new journey. I have 74 sober days, and NOTHING will come before me and my sobriety again.

Serenidad

Thanks Jeni. Congrats on 74 days! That's great. As far as AA....it's seriously time for me to move on. Without going into details, it's just not for me anymore. It actually hurts more than helps. I'm really glad it's helping you though. Just like different diets work for different people...so do recovery methods. ;-) I'd love to stay in touch do PM me any time. Where are you? The US?