Do I have drinking problem?
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by SetecAstronomy 
Opinions? Advice? Am I at risk for alcoholism or liver disease?
Secondly, you're behaving similarly to how I behaved when I was an active alcoholic... but no one can say whether you are or not. Except you. There's a pretty easy test. Work out for yourself how much you think it is reasonable to drink - normally no more than 21 units for a man in a week - and then stick to it.
If you can do this you are probably not an alcoholic.
I couldn't do it. Sooner or later for me drinking means drinking too much.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
First your live is just one of the health issues that can occur.
There are a whole host of other issues that can come before that and can be unpleasant and belief changing.
2nd pretend I'm you and your me.
If I told you what you have told us, what would you advise about my drinking? Or if your child drank like this in his 20's and he told you, what would you advise?
There are a whole host of other issues that can come before that and can be unpleasant and belief changing.
2nd pretend I'm you and your me.
If I told you what you have told us, what would you advise about my drinking? Or if your child drank like this in his 20's and he told you, what would you advise?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Alcoholics have to accept that the bad always comes as part of the package
Jails, hospitals, broken relationships, on the carpet at work, wissed off neighbors, etc etc etc.
Actually as I look back, I see where there was over 40 years of long suffering for me as I ran with the liquid devil.
MM
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
The definition of a drinking problem is very broad and individualized in many ways. For me, the truth smacked me about 4 years ago when I tried my first break from daily drinking. Pretty unpleasant stuff and I caved relatively quickly.
More attempts followed that ended the same way and I tried the moderation thing as well. Didn't work so well. Unless I drank my needed "fix" I didn't feel right at all.
If you can't take a break without feeling withdrawals or other unpleasant feelings then it's a pretty stark sign that things have gone a little too far to say there is no problem. At the very least, try and give it a month without and see how it goes.
More attempts followed that ended the same way and I tried the moderation thing as well. Didn't work so well. Unless I drank my needed "fix" I didn't feel right at all.
If you can't take a break without feeling withdrawals or other unpleasant feelings then it's a pretty stark sign that things have gone a little too far to say there is no problem. At the very least, try and give it a month without and see how it goes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 5
I obviously knew I was a binge drinker, above the 3/day 15/week or whatever health recommendations are. But not everyone follows such things, if they did we wouldn’t have processed snacks or fast food or carbonated drinks or a million other things that I also consume against dieticians advice, so I never really considered binge drinking a huge deal – however addiction to me is… basically I think of an alcoholic as someone who cannot not drink if they want to (or cant stop drinking after one or two), or suffers from withdrawal when they don’t drink regularly. Since I don’t have withdrawal and don’t drink every day I figured I was safe from being an alcoholic.
Reading everyone’s comments, and also other messages on this forum (which is how I originally found it by searching for ALD), definitely has me thinking. One thing I’ve noticed is there actually are a lot of (previous) weekend only drinkers who consider themselves alcoholics. But another thing I’ve noticed is most people talk about the problems drinking has caused them, and at first I thought drinking hasn’t really caused me any problems… i.e. I have good job and drink cheap beer, so a 30-pack only costs me $15/week. That’s nothing compared to my salary, even if I actually started drinking a a bottle of liquor a week too, so certainly no financial problems. I haven’t got in any fights nor has it ever caused problems with my family – other than one time in my entire life and I don’t think it was alcohol related, just being a normal young adult during college type thing - I was visiting my Mother during Christmas holidays and she took my (adult) brother and I out barhopping on New Years Eve, and just after the midnight toast she wanted to take us home, I said I was just getting warmed up and wanted to stay out and would find my own way back to her place, argued about it, I stayed out anyway against her wishes. But again that was 15+ years ago and it was NYE and that was probably the only time I drank while visiting her for 2-3 weeks and certainly not due to addiction, although I definitely don’t like to stop drinking once I’m half drunk… (unless I smoke pot, then don’t want to drink anymore and usually just want to sleep, which is what I’ll do now if I’ve been drinking but need to go to bed… alcohol keeps me awake, does not make me tired at all, just makes me want to keep drinking and partying).
Anyway my morning drinking has to stop. It was just so much fun and I feel like I’m going to keep wanting to do it, in fact that’s what prompted me to search online, post here, etc. I am worried about the DUI thing, as sometimes I drive, and if I start drinking beer in the afternoon I’m still below the limit most of the day. And second, I now realize I don’t remember everything that happened those days. I called my dad last night, thinking I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks… apparently he called the weekend before and I’d completely forgotten… was telling him things he said I already told him and when I said that’s impossible, that only just happened, he said I told him when we talked the other weekend. After getting off the phone I vaguely recalled that he did in fact call, and what I remember is that when I was talking to him I noticed my own speech was slurred, but don’t remember the actual conversation. This bothers me, in the past I’ve had minor black-outs but only when completely wasted late at night in situations where many people were drunk, so no expectation for being sober. And of course my other real concern is ALD… I know ALD is real, and kills, and definitely don’t want that!
I have one alcoholic relative, an uncle, and he drank himself to an early death, barely over 50. He felt it was more important to keep drinking than stop or even see a doctor in USA, since he owed over a year in jail from past DUIs before he left (which nobody knew until he died). Although to his credit, when he left USA he took a job in Saudi Arabia specifically because they don’t sell alcohol there and he had tried to stop drinking before unsuccessfully and thought if it wasn’t around, it’d be easier. Before that, his wife of 15 years had wanted to have kids with a father that wasn’t constantly drunk and had finally given him a 3-year ultimatum to quit or cut back to something reasonable or she’d leave him before she got too old to make babies, and he couldn’t do it. She followed thru, after giving him every opportunity, and then he started drinking even more (of course!) until getting fired for, among other alcohol caused work issues, passing out at an airport bar on a business trip and missing his connecting flight.
But even Saudi didn’t work, after a while he met some other foreigners who brewed their own beer, he thought he could handle a few, etc etc, and soon after his ex-wife sold their house in USA and gave him half the money, so after getting fired there he retired to Philippines to live on the beach and drink all day. Literally- he bought beachfront property in a rural undeveloped area, designed his own house (he was an engineer) and supervised construction by low cost laborers who basically just did what he told them (obviously different permitting/approval process than western countries). After building that, his only bills were utils, had his own chickens for eggs and meat, grew some fruit and veggies, traded eggs/produce with the neighbors for fish. Once a month they’d drive a few hours to the nearest western restaurant for “steak and imported beer night” as he put it. So overall very little expenses. And he made that money by renting out a few beachfront bungalows he put in his yard to travelers, and still had some savings leftover, not to mention an expensive car stored in the states he coulda sold if he needed. Last time I visited him there, which was after his chorossis diagnosis (which also nobody in the family even knew about until after he died), his new Filipino wife and him agreed to a daily drinking ration. He got a half pint of gin (which he started upon wakeup) and six beers/day. Every day. He had fallen down drunk and hurt his hip (and bragged about how he didn’t even spill his drink or drop his cigarette when he fell, which of course is ******** cuz he mighta been able to break the fall a bit with his hands) so couldn’t really walk far or operate the clutch to drive their mtx pickup, so his wife did all the shopping, so she could ration his drinking easily. [Other than he told me that when his wife was out, his neighbors knew they could come over with a beer and trade him for a bag of ice (since he had a freezer and icemaker and most neighbors didn’t even have a fridge – rural undeveloped area).] I didn’t really keep in touch with him, other than visiting when I was in the country already for business trips, but appearantly my mother and grandparents knew that if they wanted to call him, to do it very early in the morning as that’s the only time they might catch him sober enough for real conversations.
I learned more about his alcohol caused problems after his death – at the time I always thought he had a pretty awesome life and was always fun to visit. When I was around 19-20 he was living near the beach in California, and he said one of his favirote things to do on Saturday afternoons was ride his bike along the beach and drink a beer at every bar until biking became too difficult. He asked if I wanted to do that, and I said I wasn’t old enough to drink in bars – he said they all know him, if anyone cards us and he can’t talk them out of it, we’ll just go to the next bar. Sure enough he was right, and it was an enjoyable experience and made me think he had an awesome life, what a great way to spend a Saturday, can’t wait til I’m 21, etc. Five years later I remember visiting him along with my mother and grandparents when his brother was expected to die (of some weird condition not alcohol related). I remember the first morning after sleeping there, he was going to go pick up Mexican food nearby for us to eat for lunch and asked me if I wanted to come along, I said why not… after ordering the food, he suggests we have a beer while we wait… that turned into a few for him… I think now in retrospect he was probably used to drinking in the morning and had used the picking up food as an excuse to get out of the house so he could drink that early without his parents/sister (my mom) and possibly his wife seeing, as by then even I knew they all thought he drank too much.
In fact, the next time I saw him after that was when we scatted his brothers ashes, we were doing it in his childhood hometown so were staying in a motel the night before with a small bar. I, of course, was drinking with him in the bar, and we drank plenty, closed out the bar. Next day he overslept, his parents called, banged on the door, etc, he didn’t wake up, they eventually had hotel staff let them in and he was passed out in the bathroom. My grandparents later sat down with me and told me “You know he’s an alcoholic, right” and actually, I’d never heard anyone say that before and never really thought about it.. besides that, their point was I shouldn’t encourage him to drink, especially to excess, which is exactly what I had done the night before, although I knew I could handle it and assumed him, being older than me and a very experienced drinker, knew what he could handle too. I guess not. But they told me he’d been court ordered to AA before, had tried and failed to stop drinking, etc. It was shortly after this that his first wife reluctantly left him and the stuff I wrote about above happened. It’s actually pretty ****** for my grandparents, they hadn’t seen him since he left USA and couldn’t convince him to visit, he always made excuses but as mentioned above, the real reason was cuz he thought he’d get arrested and jailed and wouldn’t be let out since he skipped bail before. And my Grandparents felt they were too old to feel comfortable trying to go visit him themselves in a rural area of a non-western country, they never even met his Filipino wife (besides thru Skype)… and she was pretty cool and was his about age, not some young hottie that it seems most old foreigners are with over there. As mentioned, his other brother died too, so my grandparents had two sons, both with no kids, who both died relatively young. So I’m sure his alcohol abuse caused them pain. Not that my situation is the same, my mother has two sons, we both have kids, my drinking hasn’t caused any problems that my family have expressed concern about, if I had ALD I’d definitely see the best doctor I could find and never drink again, etc.
Reading everyone’s comments, and also other messages on this forum (which is how I originally found it by searching for ALD), definitely has me thinking. One thing I’ve noticed is there actually are a lot of (previous) weekend only drinkers who consider themselves alcoholics. But another thing I’ve noticed is most people talk about the problems drinking has caused them, and at first I thought drinking hasn’t really caused me any problems… i.e. I have good job and drink cheap beer, so a 30-pack only costs me $15/week. That’s nothing compared to my salary, even if I actually started drinking a a bottle of liquor a week too, so certainly no financial problems. I haven’t got in any fights nor has it ever caused problems with my family – other than one time in my entire life and I don’t think it was alcohol related, just being a normal young adult during college type thing - I was visiting my Mother during Christmas holidays and she took my (adult) brother and I out barhopping on New Years Eve, and just after the midnight toast she wanted to take us home, I said I was just getting warmed up and wanted to stay out and would find my own way back to her place, argued about it, I stayed out anyway against her wishes. But again that was 15+ years ago and it was NYE and that was probably the only time I drank while visiting her for 2-3 weeks and certainly not due to addiction, although I definitely don’t like to stop drinking once I’m half drunk… (unless I smoke pot, then don’t want to drink anymore and usually just want to sleep, which is what I’ll do now if I’ve been drinking but need to go to bed… alcohol keeps me awake, does not make me tired at all, just makes me want to keep drinking and partying).
Anyway my morning drinking has to stop. It was just so much fun and I feel like I’m going to keep wanting to do it, in fact that’s what prompted me to search online, post here, etc. I am worried about the DUI thing, as sometimes I drive, and if I start drinking beer in the afternoon I’m still below the limit most of the day. And second, I now realize I don’t remember everything that happened those days. I called my dad last night, thinking I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks… apparently he called the weekend before and I’d completely forgotten… was telling him things he said I already told him and when I said that’s impossible, that only just happened, he said I told him when we talked the other weekend. After getting off the phone I vaguely recalled that he did in fact call, and what I remember is that when I was talking to him I noticed my own speech was slurred, but don’t remember the actual conversation. This bothers me, in the past I’ve had minor black-outs but only when completely wasted late at night in situations where many people were drunk, so no expectation for being sober. And of course my other real concern is ALD… I know ALD is real, and kills, and definitely don’t want that!
I have one alcoholic relative, an uncle, and he drank himself to an early death, barely over 50. He felt it was more important to keep drinking than stop or even see a doctor in USA, since he owed over a year in jail from past DUIs before he left (which nobody knew until he died). Although to his credit, when he left USA he took a job in Saudi Arabia specifically because they don’t sell alcohol there and he had tried to stop drinking before unsuccessfully and thought if it wasn’t around, it’d be easier. Before that, his wife of 15 years had wanted to have kids with a father that wasn’t constantly drunk and had finally given him a 3-year ultimatum to quit or cut back to something reasonable or she’d leave him before she got too old to make babies, and he couldn’t do it. She followed thru, after giving him every opportunity, and then he started drinking even more (of course!) until getting fired for, among other alcohol caused work issues, passing out at an airport bar on a business trip and missing his connecting flight.
But even Saudi didn’t work, after a while he met some other foreigners who brewed their own beer, he thought he could handle a few, etc etc, and soon after his ex-wife sold their house in USA and gave him half the money, so after getting fired there he retired to Philippines to live on the beach and drink all day. Literally- he bought beachfront property in a rural undeveloped area, designed his own house (he was an engineer) and supervised construction by low cost laborers who basically just did what he told them (obviously different permitting/approval process than western countries). After building that, his only bills were utils, had his own chickens for eggs and meat, grew some fruit and veggies, traded eggs/produce with the neighbors for fish. Once a month they’d drive a few hours to the nearest western restaurant for “steak and imported beer night” as he put it. So overall very little expenses. And he made that money by renting out a few beachfront bungalows he put in his yard to travelers, and still had some savings leftover, not to mention an expensive car stored in the states he coulda sold if he needed. Last time I visited him there, which was after his chorossis diagnosis (which also nobody in the family even knew about until after he died), his new Filipino wife and him agreed to a daily drinking ration. He got a half pint of gin (which he started upon wakeup) and six beers/day. Every day. He had fallen down drunk and hurt his hip (and bragged about how he didn’t even spill his drink or drop his cigarette when he fell, which of course is ******** cuz he mighta been able to break the fall a bit with his hands) so couldn’t really walk far or operate the clutch to drive their mtx pickup, so his wife did all the shopping, so she could ration his drinking easily. [Other than he told me that when his wife was out, his neighbors knew they could come over with a beer and trade him for a bag of ice (since he had a freezer and icemaker and most neighbors didn’t even have a fridge – rural undeveloped area).] I didn’t really keep in touch with him, other than visiting when I was in the country already for business trips, but appearantly my mother and grandparents knew that if they wanted to call him, to do it very early in the morning as that’s the only time they might catch him sober enough for real conversations.
I learned more about his alcohol caused problems after his death – at the time I always thought he had a pretty awesome life and was always fun to visit. When I was around 19-20 he was living near the beach in California, and he said one of his favirote things to do on Saturday afternoons was ride his bike along the beach and drink a beer at every bar until biking became too difficult. He asked if I wanted to do that, and I said I wasn’t old enough to drink in bars – he said they all know him, if anyone cards us and he can’t talk them out of it, we’ll just go to the next bar. Sure enough he was right, and it was an enjoyable experience and made me think he had an awesome life, what a great way to spend a Saturday, can’t wait til I’m 21, etc. Five years later I remember visiting him along with my mother and grandparents when his brother was expected to die (of some weird condition not alcohol related). I remember the first morning after sleeping there, he was going to go pick up Mexican food nearby for us to eat for lunch and asked me if I wanted to come along, I said why not… after ordering the food, he suggests we have a beer while we wait… that turned into a few for him… I think now in retrospect he was probably used to drinking in the morning and had used the picking up food as an excuse to get out of the house so he could drink that early without his parents/sister (my mom) and possibly his wife seeing, as by then even I knew they all thought he drank too much.
In fact, the next time I saw him after that was when we scatted his brothers ashes, we were doing it in his childhood hometown so were staying in a motel the night before with a small bar. I, of course, was drinking with him in the bar, and we drank plenty, closed out the bar. Next day he overslept, his parents called, banged on the door, etc, he didn’t wake up, they eventually had hotel staff let them in and he was passed out in the bathroom. My grandparents later sat down with me and told me “You know he’s an alcoholic, right” and actually, I’d never heard anyone say that before and never really thought about it.. besides that, their point was I shouldn’t encourage him to drink, especially to excess, which is exactly what I had done the night before, although I knew I could handle it and assumed him, being older than me and a very experienced drinker, knew what he could handle too. I guess not. But they told me he’d been court ordered to AA before, had tried and failed to stop drinking, etc. It was shortly after this that his first wife reluctantly left him and the stuff I wrote about above happened. It’s actually pretty ****** for my grandparents, they hadn’t seen him since he left USA and couldn’t convince him to visit, he always made excuses but as mentioned above, the real reason was cuz he thought he’d get arrested and jailed and wouldn’t be let out since he skipped bail before. And my Grandparents felt they were too old to feel comfortable trying to go visit him themselves in a rural area of a non-western country, they never even met his Filipino wife (besides thru Skype)… and she was pretty cool and was his about age, not some young hottie that it seems most old foreigners are with over there. As mentioned, his other brother died too, so my grandparents had two sons, both with no kids, who both died relatively young. So I’m sure his alcohol abuse caused them pain. Not that my situation is the same, my mother has two sons, we both have kids, my drinking hasn’t caused any problems that my family have expressed concern about, if I had ALD I’d definitely see the best doctor I could find and never drink again, etc.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
SA, interesting read. Please continue to be honest with yourself. Forgetting things is not a good sign either. Please believe us that this problem is progressive and gets worse over time unless completely curbed. A lot of us didn't have the obvious problems like DUIs either.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Liver disease is one possible result but there's a raft of other health consequences from regular excessive/binge drinking
even before considering what might happen - if you're already experiencing blackouts or memory loss, then your situation is worsening.
D
What health problems are associated with excessive alcohol use?Chronic diseases such as liver cirrhosis (damage to liver cells); pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas); various cancers, including liver, mouth, throat, larynx (the voice box), and esophagus; high blood pressure; and psychological disorders.
What is binge drinking?
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism binge drinking is defined as a pattern of alcohol consumption that brings the blood alcohol concentration (BAC) level to 0.08% or more. This pattern of drinking usually corresponds to 5 or more drinks on a single occasion for men or 4 or more drinks on a single occasion for women, generally within about 2 hours.3
What do you mean by heavy drinking?
For men, heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming 15 drinks or more per week. For women, heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming 8 drinks or more per week.
CDC - Frequently Asked Questions - Alcohol
What is binge drinking?
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism binge drinking is defined as a pattern of alcohol consumption that brings the blood alcohol concentration (BAC) level to 0.08% or more. This pattern of drinking usually corresponds to 5 or more drinks on a single occasion for men or 4 or more drinks on a single occasion for women, generally within about 2 hours.3
What do you mean by heavy drinking?
For men, heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming 15 drinks or more per week. For women, heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming 8 drinks or more per week.
CDC - Frequently Asked Questions - Alcohol
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 5
Just re-read everything.
I see a lot of people say try not drinking at all for 1, 3, 6, or 12 months and see if I like sobriety better or if it’s a struggle. And that’s probably good advice, and certainly better for my body. But if you told me not to eat a cheeseburger, drive my car, watch a movie, or play with my kids, for X months, I wouldn’t want to give that up either, and none of those things are addictive, they’re just the things in life I enjoy, just like drinking; I look forward to the weekends specifically because I can drink. Other than physical activities like hiking or biking, the kinds of out-of-the-house activities I look forward to most on the weekend are the ones I can drink at. Concerts, street festivals, beach, etc. Not that we don’t occasionally go to a museum or show or whatever, but I’m only really doing those things for my wife. I prefer drinking and listening to live music. And those street festivals are only fun for me because of the beer… I mean how many times do I need to see the exact same type booths with arts crafts handbags hats hotsauce handmade jewelry chiropractors whatever… my wife can look at those, I’ll walk around with her drinking and keeping her company and making comments on things that I see that are interesting, but we’ll also take breaks and listen to live music, eat food, etc. If they took away the alcohol, it’d be almost as bad as shopping without purpose, which is not fun (for me, I realize many women and the occasional man actually like that). If I’m going “shopping” I know exactly what I want to buy and go buy it and I’m done, simple. No interest in looking at anything else or buying random crap I don’t need. I’m pretty sure at least half of the men at these type street fairs who are there with their SOs are in the same boat, and it’s not like the bands they get are anything special – but I still enjoy listening to them with a beer in my hand.
The thing that hit home most is, as one person put it “You're on a very slippery slope. Once having crossed over that threshold of hiding drinks and craving in the morning, there's no turning back to normal drinking.” That is basically what I was expecting to hear and felt. So I’m hoping I’m still on that threshold and can step back, perhaps not to normal, but back to where I was.
I was perfectly happy before, so no need to let myself get used to being drunk all day as then I won’t want to stop. So yeah I better not do that again. Or maybe just once more – I’m actually thinking that, so that is a bad sign! I think I should stop the Sunday drinking too, but that’s a little harder, as I’m typing this I’m thinking to myself “but what if I’m working on the yard, or my car, don’t want to have to do that without drinking” but of course I’ve seen my Sunday drinking getting worse the past few years anyway and do feel a little guilty about that and even worse when hungover on Monday….. so yeah really should do that… but 100% will not drink in the morning again. And no more Sunday night, I can commit to that as better than nothing.
I think maybe I am hiding drinks indirectly even besides the recent weekend morning vodka, and someone else mentioned that as a sign. When I am working outside or in the garage, sometimes I’ll pee in the bushes or even in an empty container in the garage (and dump it outside) so as to not have to go inside and use the bathroom so often, so it doesn’t appear I’m drinking as much as I am during the daytime. So although I wasn’t hiding drinking itself (obviously if she comes out to say hi I have an open beer right next to me) I’m trying to make it appear I’m closer to a “normal” drinking than a “binge” drinker, although I readily admit I’m a binge drinker.
Someone asked if I had a child in his 20s who drank like this what I’d do if he told me. Well I’d invite him over to drink with me Seriously, I’d think it was normal… Maybe not everyone, but a significant portion, at least of college students, are binge drinkers, they spout the statistics everywhere that could back this up… so I wouldn’t be too worried. Well other than if he was morning drinking, but doing that worried myself, so yeah…. And I do get the point, just like being argumentative sometimes.
I think, as I mentioned before, many of the people here who chose to completely stop drinking did it because it was causing significant problems in their lives. Obviously if that was happening to me that’d be a much more obvious reason to stop drinking. But I think I’m at the point where if I continued to do that morning drinking, even if I’m not addicted, it will cause problems. So far all I can really think of is that phone call with my Dad I can’t really remember, a painful a bruise on my leg from crashing into my kids stroller when it went over a bump that I wasn’t paying close enough attention to (just a minor detail, but doubt I woulda done that if I hadn’t drank in the morning that day as I wouldn’t have already been half-drunk by mid-afternoon). I could also stand to lose 5-10 pounds and that’d be easier if I didn’t drink that extra 4000 calories every weekend… although my wife keeps telling me I’m fine, I know I’m 10 pounds more than 5 years ago and it’s mainly belly flab.
So in summary, I’m done with the morning liquor, and as a result of reading this now also done with Sunday evening drinking. I’m still going to drink Friday/Saturday night and Saturday/Sunday afternoon (unless inappropriate). And if I struggle with that, then I obviously have a real problem.
I see a lot of people say try not drinking at all for 1, 3, 6, or 12 months and see if I like sobriety better or if it’s a struggle. And that’s probably good advice, and certainly better for my body. But if you told me not to eat a cheeseburger, drive my car, watch a movie, or play with my kids, for X months, I wouldn’t want to give that up either, and none of those things are addictive, they’re just the things in life I enjoy, just like drinking; I look forward to the weekends specifically because I can drink. Other than physical activities like hiking or biking, the kinds of out-of-the-house activities I look forward to most on the weekend are the ones I can drink at. Concerts, street festivals, beach, etc. Not that we don’t occasionally go to a museum or show or whatever, but I’m only really doing those things for my wife. I prefer drinking and listening to live music. And those street festivals are only fun for me because of the beer… I mean how many times do I need to see the exact same type booths with arts crafts handbags hats hotsauce handmade jewelry chiropractors whatever… my wife can look at those, I’ll walk around with her drinking and keeping her company and making comments on things that I see that are interesting, but we’ll also take breaks and listen to live music, eat food, etc. If they took away the alcohol, it’d be almost as bad as shopping without purpose, which is not fun (for me, I realize many women and the occasional man actually like that). If I’m going “shopping” I know exactly what I want to buy and go buy it and I’m done, simple. No interest in looking at anything else or buying random crap I don’t need. I’m pretty sure at least half of the men at these type street fairs who are there with their SOs are in the same boat, and it’s not like the bands they get are anything special – but I still enjoy listening to them with a beer in my hand.
The thing that hit home most is, as one person put it “You're on a very slippery slope. Once having crossed over that threshold of hiding drinks and craving in the morning, there's no turning back to normal drinking.” That is basically what I was expecting to hear and felt. So I’m hoping I’m still on that threshold and can step back, perhaps not to normal, but back to where I was.
I was perfectly happy before, so no need to let myself get used to being drunk all day as then I won’t want to stop. So yeah I better not do that again. Or maybe just once more – I’m actually thinking that, so that is a bad sign! I think I should stop the Sunday drinking too, but that’s a little harder, as I’m typing this I’m thinking to myself “but what if I’m working on the yard, or my car, don’t want to have to do that without drinking” but of course I’ve seen my Sunday drinking getting worse the past few years anyway and do feel a little guilty about that and even worse when hungover on Monday….. so yeah really should do that… but 100% will not drink in the morning again. And no more Sunday night, I can commit to that as better than nothing.
I think maybe I am hiding drinks indirectly even besides the recent weekend morning vodka, and someone else mentioned that as a sign. When I am working outside or in the garage, sometimes I’ll pee in the bushes or even in an empty container in the garage (and dump it outside) so as to not have to go inside and use the bathroom so often, so it doesn’t appear I’m drinking as much as I am during the daytime. So although I wasn’t hiding drinking itself (obviously if she comes out to say hi I have an open beer right next to me) I’m trying to make it appear I’m closer to a “normal” drinking than a “binge” drinker, although I readily admit I’m a binge drinker.
Someone asked if I had a child in his 20s who drank like this what I’d do if he told me. Well I’d invite him over to drink with me Seriously, I’d think it was normal… Maybe not everyone, but a significant portion, at least of college students, are binge drinkers, they spout the statistics everywhere that could back this up… so I wouldn’t be too worried. Well other than if he was morning drinking, but doing that worried myself, so yeah…. And I do get the point, just like being argumentative sometimes.
I think, as I mentioned before, many of the people here who chose to completely stop drinking did it because it was causing significant problems in their lives. Obviously if that was happening to me that’d be a much more obvious reason to stop drinking. But I think I’m at the point where if I continued to do that morning drinking, even if I’m not addicted, it will cause problems. So far all I can really think of is that phone call with my Dad I can’t really remember, a painful a bruise on my leg from crashing into my kids stroller when it went over a bump that I wasn’t paying close enough attention to (just a minor detail, but doubt I woulda done that if I hadn’t drank in the morning that day as I wouldn’t have already been half-drunk by mid-afternoon). I could also stand to lose 5-10 pounds and that’d be easier if I didn’t drink that extra 4000 calories every weekend… although my wife keeps telling me I’m fine, I know I’m 10 pounds more than 5 years ago and it’s mainly belly flab.
So in summary, I’m done with the morning liquor, and as a result of reading this now also done with Sunday evening drinking. I’m still going to drink Friday/Saturday night and Saturday/Sunday afternoon (unless inappropriate). And if I struggle with that, then I obviously have a real problem.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Ah, yes... Bargaining and coming up with a moderation plan. Doesn't work. You'll see.
All of this sounds so familiar. I said it to myself, and my husband said it to me "what's the point of going out if there won't be alcohol there?"
AV in all its glory. It will try to keep alcohol in your life in any way possible. I understand, I've been there. I've tried every moderation plan you can think of. My last year of drinking, I was fully resigned that I had a problem and only drank at home so as not to cause a DUI or other embarrassing problems. Only now, after a significant stretch of sobriety, I started to realize all the damage I caused myself. It isn't obvious at the time and it doesn't feel like it.
You might be able to stick to your plan for some time, months or even years, and feel successful about it at times. But then the drinking inevitably gets more dangerous. Most likely you won't believe it now and will decide to try it out.
By the way, it was me who said about crossing the threshold.
But you misunderstood, my point was there's no backing up from it. There is no going back to that happy drinking place again.
Anyway, I truly wish you luck. I hope you continue to be mindful and honest with yourself. If anything, keep reading here and become more informed. I don't know if there's anything we can tell you to make you reconsider your plan. I doubt you'll try sobriety at this point, the appeal of alcohol is too strong and the thought of losing it too terrifying. You have to be at the point where you realize that alcohol can and will destroy you unless you remove it from your life completely.
All of this sounds so familiar. I said it to myself, and my husband said it to me "what's the point of going out if there won't be alcohol there?"
AV in all its glory. It will try to keep alcohol in your life in any way possible. I understand, I've been there. I've tried every moderation plan you can think of. My last year of drinking, I was fully resigned that I had a problem and only drank at home so as not to cause a DUI or other embarrassing problems. Only now, after a significant stretch of sobriety, I started to realize all the damage I caused myself. It isn't obvious at the time and it doesn't feel like it.
You might be able to stick to your plan for some time, months or even years, and feel successful about it at times. But then the drinking inevitably gets more dangerous. Most likely you won't believe it now and will decide to try it out.
By the way, it was me who said about crossing the threshold.
But you misunderstood, my point was there's no backing up from it. There is no going back to that happy drinking place again.Anyway, I truly wish you luck. I hope you continue to be mindful and honest with yourself. If anything, keep reading here and become more informed. I don't know if there's anything we can tell you to make you reconsider your plan. I doubt you'll try sobriety at this point, the appeal of alcohol is too strong and the thought of losing it too terrifying. You have to be at the point where you realize that alcohol can and will destroy you unless you remove it from your life completely.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Yes, it sounds like alcoholism has already taken hold. Crossing the line of morning drinks is a clear indicator. Since you already drink weekend afternoons, it wouldn't take long to progress to "connecting the dots" and hero king in between morning drinks and afternoon drinks. Then, weekend drinking can easily progress to weekday drinking...
You could easily get to the point where your brain was saying "hey, I want the good feeling ALL the time." Alcoholism is progressive that way. The health effects that come with it are inevitable and serious.
You have kids. You have a wife. For their sake as well as your own, put the bottle down for good before you cause irreparable harm.
You could easily get to the point where your brain was saying "hey, I want the good feeling ALL the time." Alcoholism is progressive that way. The health effects that come with it are inevitable and serious.
You have kids. You have a wife. For their sake as well as your own, put the bottle down for good before you cause irreparable harm.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It is so so so so much harder to get out once that invisible line has been crossed.
That line starts with, "But I have to have it for _ _ _ _ _ ." (washing the car, mowing the lawn, watching the ball game.)
"But it's so much fun, besides everyone does it."
"Well, I'll only drink in the morning on the weekend."
"I don't remember that (during a past drinking episode)." - Pssssst, by the way, blackouts are a sign that alcohol dependence is in the house.
"I should go to different stores so people don't notice how much I buy."
"I'm not going to tell anyone how much I drink."
"No one can tell I've been drinking."
"I need to hide the empties."
"I can still drive, the kids will be okay, I only had two."
You're going to do as you please, but just so you know - there are no warning signs other than the ones that we see in hindsight. I never got in trouble, never lost a relationship or a job due to drinking.
I did try every moderation trick you'll ever hear. I did think about drinking all day long and then one day just started drinking all day long. Not every day. Not at first. But later on, when I couldn't even get that buzz anymore - I just needed it to keep from feeling miserable, and when alcohol was just making me want to die, and when I was so paranoid and depressed that all I wanted to do was drink? Yeah. That kinda sneaked up on me.
When the dependence switch was flipped, I didn't really get a telegram telling me. My body just did it one day.
Coming back from that is incredibly difficult.
That line starts with, "But I have to have it for _ _ _ _ _ ." (washing the car, mowing the lawn, watching the ball game.)
"But it's so much fun, besides everyone does it."
"Well, I'll only drink in the morning on the weekend."
"I don't remember that (during a past drinking episode)." - Pssssst, by the way, blackouts are a sign that alcohol dependence is in the house.
"I should go to different stores so people don't notice how much I buy."
"I'm not going to tell anyone how much I drink."
"No one can tell I've been drinking."
"I need to hide the empties."
"I can still drive, the kids will be okay, I only had two."
You're going to do as you please, but just so you know - there are no warning signs other than the ones that we see in hindsight. I never got in trouble, never lost a relationship or a job due to drinking.
I did try every moderation trick you'll ever hear. I did think about drinking all day long and then one day just started drinking all day long. Not every day. Not at first. But later on, when I couldn't even get that buzz anymore - I just needed it to keep from feeling miserable, and when alcohol was just making me want to die, and when I was so paranoid and depressed that all I wanted to do was drink? Yeah. That kinda sneaked up on me.
When the dependence switch was flipped, I didn't really get a telegram telling me. My body just did it one day.
Coming back from that is incredibly difficult.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
If you've been weekend binge drinking for 20 years, I think you already know the answer to that question. I haven't ever met anyone who binge drank past their mid-20s who didn't have some level of alcohol addiction. Sounds like yours is taking a further turn for the worse. At least you have finally come to the realization of how destructive it is, and are ready to take action. Initially breaking the cycle of weekend binge drinking can be very difficult but living a sober life is far more rewarding than being blindingly wasted all weekend every weekend. Mondays used to be a nightmare for me. Now they are a day to get the work week started right.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Everything you say or think - cheeseburgers, no fights, moderating etc etc, we all thought too.
There are similarities in the way we think.
Regarding the fights and money - you've not got not a fight YET. You've not had financial problems YET.
Remember the cost of drinking is not just how much a beer costs or a bottle of wine.
A DUI will cost you money.
A fight with legal implications will cost you money.
Loosing your job through random drug testing will cost you money when you loose your salary.
I hear the giving up cheeseburgers or movies or whatever thoughts too.
I had them.
But you can't really get done for cheeseburger driving. You can't really damage your liver from watching too many movies.
Honestly, I can't stress enough that people with drink problems think the same.
Nothing you say will lead us to say 'you know what your right, you don't have a drink issue becaus of x y and z'.
And we all justified the same as you too at the start of recognising we might be in trouble with alcohol.
Everybody justifies. Les face it no-one wants to be an alcoholic. Nobody would choose this disease or status if that was a possibility.
The next step we all did was moderation too.
We all had plans of 1 drink a night and 2 drinks each night on a weekend. Or no drinking in the week, just on a weekend.
Problem is the weekends start beginning on a Thursday so we can drink earlier.
Or we start over reacting about small situations that we would usually handle, because that would entitle us a drink on a Tuesday night when we have have previously said no mid week drinking.
If you want to read about moderation, there is MM which stands for moderation management. They have a steps for drinking moderately, like AA has steps for living life without alcohol.
However be sure to read about Audrey Kishline.. I might have got her surname wrong, but google her.
Some of us here have learnt the hard way, so there is a huge amount of knowledge and experience here that can shared.
Most posters advise like they do because they don't want you to suffer the same losses they have.
If they can save you from the pain they endured then they will try all they can.
They also experienced the 'Yets'.....I have never driven whilst drunk.........yet'.
I have not lost my job due to drinking....yet.
It's not happened but it could. It's just not happened yet.
There are similarities in the way we think.
Regarding the fights and money - you've not got not a fight YET. You've not had financial problems YET.
Remember the cost of drinking is not just how much a beer costs or a bottle of wine.
A DUI will cost you money.
A fight with legal implications will cost you money.
Loosing your job through random drug testing will cost you money when you loose your salary.
I hear the giving up cheeseburgers or movies or whatever thoughts too.
I had them.
But you can't really get done for cheeseburger driving. You can't really damage your liver from watching too many movies.
Honestly, I can't stress enough that people with drink problems think the same.
Nothing you say will lead us to say 'you know what your right, you don't have a drink issue becaus of x y and z'.
And we all justified the same as you too at the start of recognising we might be in trouble with alcohol.
Everybody justifies. Les face it no-one wants to be an alcoholic. Nobody would choose this disease or status if that was a possibility.
The next step we all did was moderation too.
We all had plans of 1 drink a night and 2 drinks each night on a weekend. Or no drinking in the week, just on a weekend.
Problem is the weekends start beginning on a Thursday so we can drink earlier.
Or we start over reacting about small situations that we would usually handle, because that would entitle us a drink on a Tuesday night when we have have previously said no mid week drinking.
If you want to read about moderation, there is MM which stands for moderation management. They have a steps for drinking moderately, like AA has steps for living life without alcohol.
However be sure to read about Audrey Kishline.. I might have got her surname wrong, but google her.
Some of us here have learnt the hard way, so there is a huge amount of knowledge and experience here that can shared.
Most posters advise like they do because they don't want you to suffer the same losses they have.
If they can save you from the pain they endured then they will try all they can.
They also experienced the 'Yets'.....I have never driven whilst drunk.........yet'.
I have not lost my job due to drinking....yet.
It's not happened but it could. It's just not happened yet.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 26
if ye are questioning this, ye should think wisely and male sure if ye really have a problem or not... actually if yer asking this question ye probably have a drinking problem but don't want tae admit or maybe yer just not ready tae admit yet...
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