freshstart57

We get to phrase this in language that suits us. Change the paradigm.

How about this. Instead of 'I can't drink but I want tooooooooooooo', phrase it this way. I don't have to drink anymore. I don't have to feel sick every morning, shaking so bad I can't even take a cup of coffee. I don't have to lie and cheat and deceive. I don't have to be constantly anxious and clinically depressed. I don't have to lose my job or home or marriage or family. I don't have to live with constant shame and guilt.

I quit drinking. I am free to become the person I know I am.

freshstart57

What Fluffer said.

mecanix

I choose to give myself the wonderful gift of sobriety ,
I made myself free from the worry and stress of ever having to decide again about if i will drink or not by committing to never drinking again and by deciding i'd go to any extreme to stop , endure any pain or misery .

There are an awful lot of good things and good people going on in the world , i didn't meet many of them in a bar/pub or sat on my sofa with the curtains drawn drinking .

Drinking is a passive non life involving thing , you drink and inside your head you become pre-occupied .
To get dividends from life you have to become active and keep on reaching out and investing in life , work at it , not all your investments will work out but with time , persistence and learning you can build a glorious sober life . There is no quick fix you have to do the work . sorry about that , it's worth it though

m

Nonsensical

brilliantly put

Dee74

Hang in there Scram - you're still building a sober life - all the benefits of that may not be apparent to you yet - but they will be. Trust me

It's not that I can't drink - I can drink today if I want - but I choose not to
My life is awesome, I'm happy, and I'm free from that awful hell that had down for so long.

I know what deprived is - deprived is back there.
I've been in a prison, now I'm free.

Why on earth would I make a decision to go back?

D

Scram

I just want to say that this forum is amazing.

As I have mentioned previously, I sought various forms of treatment, help and counseling. The feedback I receive here is really the best I've come across. I love it. Not to say the other resources I've explored aren't helpful but the wisdom and connection I get here is unsurpassed.

Soberpotamus

It can seem like deprivation before sober becomes "autopilot."

Deprivation is what I left behind

totfit

It is the obsession that gets us. Really, it is not a big deal and you really aren't "missing" anything. It is all truly in your head. Don't know how or why that goes away, but if you can get honest with yourself and find the good things in life, you will realize that alcohol just does not work for you. The obsession is that you are going to somehow make it work, even if it really is not going to do ever for you what you think ( or I think). It is all just a lie for us. In all honesty right now, my attitude is well...........thank goodness it is not Peanut Butter I am allergic to, for I love that stuff................seriously. Really, just keep on trucking, get honest and find the things in life you truly enjoy and you can feel similar.

Mountainmanbob

I can't rob a bank or I'll go to prison.

There are a ton of things that we must never do.

I just add one more to the very long list -- booze.

MM

Dharma33

Scram, I am very early in sobriety, but I read a book that really helped me address the issues you describe pretty matter-of-factly. It's called "Kick The Drink Easily" by Jason Vale.

It helped to change my mindset about the thought of "Never".

Eddiebuckle

I had the same experience - I simply couldn't imagine a lifetime without alcohol. The mental hitch associated with decades of drinking was hard to shake. It just took time - and by time I mean over a year, maybe longer. It fades as non drinking becomes the "new normal."

As to those who trot out their thousands of days without booze, if they think that it makes them special so be it. The truth is, we will always be alcoholic, whether its been three days or three decades since our last drink. Last months sobriety is of little use if that is all you have to fortify yourself against a drink today.

Just stick with it Scram, it all falls into place. There's no magic to it, just stay sober today, and tomorrow will take care of itself.

BayWaters

Thanks for the awesome summary Mecanix.

I think I will copy and paste this my notes as a daily message for myself. If that's OK with you of course.

Respect!

Venecia

One thing that strikes me is that we give and receive wonderful insight here, something every post in this thread demonstrates yet again. There is one question, though, only we can answer for ourselves and that is whether we've fully closed the door to even the possibility of alcohol. Shut it and locked it with a deadbolt. Off the table.

I've never seen anyone relapse -- be it after a few days, months or years -- come back and says "gee, guys, alcoholism is great -- I'm so glad I drank again." Rather, their pain comes flying off the screen. Somewhere, somehow, they left the door open, even if just by a hair. As long as there is a little crack, the vulnerability is there and, all too often, the end result is the same.

exwell66

I was just in my garage getting an ice pop,thats where I would stash the bottles...I thought for a moment kind of a flashback what if there was a bottle?Reminded me that by no means do I have this.I shut the door though

Venecia

Early on, it's harder to conceptualize the door being closed permanently.

The good news? It gets easier. Good for you, Exwell, for making it through a challenging moment. That's an example of what people mean when they say "building your sober muscles."

MesaMan

'Deprived' presumes you want something, and you are being denied it.

What if it was something you no longer wanted? It inverts the dynamic of 'loss' right at the core of the issue.

I truly don't want to drink anymore. It is a fabulous place to have progressed to. The 'deprivation' part has simply evaporated. Both for today, and for the future. Thus, never drinking isn't a future I fret or dread. It doesn't matter.

exwell66

worked my legs yesterday got my squat back to 365.....Now I need to get my mind game up to speed with this non drinking thing...I put it that way because its foreign to me.

If you want something you never had you need to do something you have never done

Sparkledust

What has helped me in the past when I thought that way was to tell myself "yes, I can drink, whenever I want!" and give myself permission to. For some this might be risky. But for me, it's freeing. Suddenly, my mind (and addiction) is not feeling like it's desperately shackled. I've said 'yes, if I really want to, I can' and so the voice calms down because there's nothing to fight against.

It calms down enough for my rational voice to finally speak clearly. Now that I'm not struggling against any "cannot's" my rational voice can recall the reasons why it would be really STUPID to drink. New reasons keep trickling into my brain, on why actually, no maybe I don't want to drink right now.

So maybe that's not helpful - or maybe it is. It has helped me before.

silentrun

I honestly didn't feel like I was giving up anything. My denial came down in a split second and all I wanted was to get as far away as fast as I could. I have used the term escaped before. I would still get horrendous urges and cravings but I was too afraid of the consequences if I failed. I felt like I had no other choice and if someone had told me I wouldn't have another drink again my reaction would have been "thank God!"
Plus the last 2 years of my drinking was no fun at all.

Deckard

Boy oh boy, there were a whole lot of things I could not do ... when I was drinking.