SeekHP

Hello All,
I'm 19 months sober and I am upset at the fact my sponsor wants me to not go to my Monday Spin class in order to go to a meeting that day. I get it, whatever I put before sobriety will take me out, but I finally got into the rhythm of 3 meetings a week and meet with sponsor once a week. I have 2 children ages 9 and 2 a full time job and AA. I'm going to take the suggestions only because I wanna stay sober. I'm really upset about this.
Don't mean to sound ungrateful- my life is 100% beyond my wildest dreams, way better than when I was out there, and there was absolutely no spin while I was out there.
Anyway good day all

MIRecovery

AA saves my life but AA is not my life. Sobriety is about balance which alcoholics are notoriously bad at. I would try your class for a month and AA for a month and see which makes you feel better.

Keep in mind sponsors are sober for a reason and many times can see things we can't

MIRecovery

Double post

Joe Nerv

Sounds to me like you have a solid commitment to your sobriety. Awesome. I'm not you, and I don't know where you stand spiritually, mentally, or physically, but I'm a very firm believer that all of those areas need to be addressed if we're to live a contented sobriety. I'd take an honest look at all areas, and then decide what I needed to do.

Exercise is incredibly important, and if you're AA program is in good standing then I'd consider the exercise class an integral part of your sobriety. I myself didn't get sober to make my life all about meetings. Being involved in the steps, exercising, eating healthfully, and taking care of myself in a whole bunch of other ways was really important to me too. Keeping a balance can be tricky.

Sobriety is always my top priority. Keeping some things simple like that has worked for over 30 years . I'd be careful however about saying that putting anything before your sobriety WILL take you out. IMO that's a subtle, but dangerous choice of words. It might take you out, but saying it WILL sounds like a set up to me. "I knew if I did this it would mess me up, and it did!"

You need to decide what's most important for you on this one. Not your sponsor, and not anyone else here. Though I understand that airing things out here helps to clear things up . Congrats on the 19 months. Seems you're doing great, too.

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations.

I appreciate your post as it reminds me during that time period I was impressed with the fact that my best thinking got me to AA.
MIR brings a great point that many of us need to practice moderation in all our affairs, but heck after a lot of years I’m still averaging 3-5 meetings a week. Perhaps that indicates some are sicker than others even without having a desire to drink for many years.

BE WELL

Hawkeye13

If you already are attending 3 AA meetings a week I don't think you are putting much before your sobriety.

For me, my gym workouts are incredibly important to my sense calmness and my self-esteem.

Taking care of yourself physically is important too--I agree with others there should be balance.

aasharon90

My sponsor never told me what to
do but suggested many good ideas
to take into consideration when it
came to remaining sober each day.

As an at home mom and wife, I knew
what I needed to do to take care of
my family and I also learned early on
what was needed for me to remain sober
each day.

My sponsor had her own agenda in
life and I had mine. She was there mainly
for me guide me in helping me to keep
recovery important in all areas of my
life.

Balance is important in life. And to
remember too much of anything is
not good.

Everyone's life situations are different.
Many have full time jobs, many are single,
many married, many work out, many don't,
so many different scenerios to mention
that no one can actually copy anothers
lifestyle.

I did what worked for me quietly watching,
listening, learning , absorbing and applying
an affective recovery program using steps
and principles into all areas of my life.

My sponsor and I were not connected
at the hip, so we each lived our own lives
at our own pace and what worked for us
separately.

Sound like your doing what works
for your life and sobriety. And if it's
working for you then no need to fix it.

totfit

Go to the spin class. We get sober to live life, not the whims of a sponsor. You are doing the things you need to stay sober and that is what counts.

MarathonMan

AA should never make you feel bad about any other part of your recovery. If it does it defeats the purpose it's setting out to achieve. It's there to help you find happiness in your sobriety. If missing your spin class to go to AA makes you feel bad it's the wrong choice the same as if going to the spin class made you feel bad about missing AA it would be the wrong choice.

I agree that it's uber important for you to make sure you keep time in your schedule for AA and that you keep working your sobriety but 3 meetings a week after a year and a half is good going. Also it's not like you're blowing a meeting off to go the cinema or to sit at home watching the telly and eating fried chicken. Exercise is also working your sobriety in its own way.

Made me really happy to see all the long time AA'ers saying that balance is the correct route as when i first read your post thought there might be some saying AA comes above all, but was pleasantly surprised.

SeekHP

Thank you all for your shares. I got to the gym 3xs a week and Meetings 3xs a week, have a homegroup, have a commitment. This schedule is what works for me. SO the change of schedule is making me miserable, as an alcoholic i do not like change. My sponsor suggested an extra meeting because i am in the middle of separation from my husband. She said if i dont take a strong suggestion I will pay for it. I feel like my freedom is taken away and I am being controlled.

MarathonMan

Non of these feeling are helpful for you keeping balanced and happy. Speak to your sponser and explain that the schedule has worked for you, you would not dream of dropping one of your 3 AA days for something else and the same applies for one of your 3 gym days. The consistancy of your schedule obviously works with you, do not allow anyone else to make you unhappy and change things that aren't broken.

SeekHP

Thank you again!

I really love being sober. I hear in the rooms, those who relapse are those who don't take suggestions and/or stop going to meetings.

I love who I am today and would not change it for anything in the world.

This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful.

freshstart57

But is it true that you will drink if you don't take EVERY suggestion? Baloney. How could that possibly be true? Your sponsor can try to control you but only if you permit it. If this is all true as you said, this is shameful.

It is your recovery. You own it, just as you own your life. The final say in this is yours.

Saliena

hummm... This sounds like a discussion I had with my sponsor not to long ago. I had about 2 years sober when I started to exercise. I went full force at it doing 3-5 spin classes a week as well as running. Quickly exercise became very, very important to me. I found spirituality in it, I found health, and happiness. But, what I missed was how I became addicted to it just as badly as I had drinking.
When my sponsor challenged me to not run for a week to see my own action, I accepted the challenge and cried on the second day because, I couldn't go for a run.

I have had to learn about moderation (something I sorely lack in most areas of my life).

I have now been sober for over 3 years and good willing will make it for my 4th year in December. What I have learned is that I need to be healthy, happy, whole, spiritually connected, centered and happy within myself with my connection to the program, my higher power, my higher self and life will balance out.

I have done a half Ironman in these first 3 years, I am doing a second in Oct and a marathon in November. So, exercise is important but, not as important as my sobriety. Your sponsor isn't there to Lord over you. Maybe he/she is making a suggestion you don't like. Try it anyway, you can always go back to the way you where doing it. Your spin classes won't stop because, you aren't there. I promise.

Ruby2

I get that you're booked solid. Working full time, two young kids, three AA meetings and 3 workout days. And newly separated. Phew. I'm exhausted reading that. I have two young kids, work full time and have a husband who is gone a lot for work or because he's not very present. I may make one meeting a week and haven't been to the gym in forever. I understand the value of routine. It's kept me sober along with coming here. I would worry about stretching myself too thin.

Has your sponsor been a good guide for you so far? Do you trust her? I would find her suggestions upsetting too but maybe she is seeing something you're not? Have you told her what you've told us? I'd ask.

Hang in there. It sounds like you're doing really well and my hat off to you to doing all you do. Quite frankly, I'm in awe.

SeekHP

The reason why I go to SPin on Mondays is because I have childcare for baby Mon-Wednesday.

Monday (Spin)
Tuesday( Meeting)
Wednesday (meet with sponsor then gym)
Thursday (BB Meeting)
Friday (Home with kids)
Saturday (Morning beginners meeting then gym)
Sunday (Activities with children)

Thank you @Saliena
I also feel like crying because I have to let go of Spin. I sound like a whiny baby

SeekHP

Has your sponsor been a good guide for you so far? Do you trust her? I would find her suggestions upsetting too but maybe she is seeing something you're not? Have you told her what you've told us? I'd ask.

Yes I definitely trust my sponsor, she has taken me thru the steps.
Ive taken all her suggestions and told her honestly exactly what I shared here.

Thank you for your support

Anna

I should say first that I'm not in AA. But, I would never let anyone prevent me from maintaining Balance in my life. Balance is the foundation of my recovery. It involves working on recovery, but not to the extent that other things are pushed away. Don't allow someone to make you feel guilty because you seek balance in your life.

Mountainmanbob

At times Sponsors get a little over controlling I think. My Sponsor is well known for this. He and I have had some disagreements during the last 10 years. But, I know that his main concern is that I no longer run with the liquid devil. I need to keep that in mind as I also consider what is truly best for me. Going to the gym is good for body, soul and mind. What Sponsor would not encourage that ??

MM

Ruby2

You'll be okay. Deep breaths. I hate letting go of something that I really want too. It almost hurts but if you work it in gradually then it will become a new routine. Maybe alternate? Is that possible?

I'd give my eyeteeth to have reliable child care in the evening. I can't seem to find a Regular sitter.