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Meetings and the Gym

Old 06-01-2015, 07:28 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SeekHP View Post
The reason why I go to SPin on Mondays is because I have childcare for baby Mon-Wednesday.

Monday (Spin)
Tuesday( Meeting)
Wednesday (meet with sponsor then gym)
Thursday (BB Meeting)
Friday (Home with kids)
Saturday (Morning beginners meeting then gym)
Sunday (Activities with children)

Thank you @Saliena
I also feel like crying because I have to let go of Spin. I sound like a whiny baby
Now that's what I call a great sober plan!! You sponsor knows you better than I do but personally I wouldn't change a thing. Going to the gym is a big part of my plan. Besides, between having kids to take care of and work; you are dealing with a lot. Finding a way to deal with the obvious stress you are dealing with is very important to recovery. That's one of the big reasons why people go back to drinking. I wouldn't change a thing. Your doing great. John
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Old 06-01-2015, 07:33 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
You'll be okay. Deep breaths. I hate letting go of something that I really want too. It almost hurts but if you work it in gradually then it will become a new routine. Maybe alternate? Is that possible?

I'd give my eyeteeth to have reliable child care in the evening. I can't seem to find a Regular sitter.

I completely understand! I try to do as much as i can Mon-Wednesday to take advantage of that babysitting.

Anything after that I have to take the baby.
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Old 06-01-2015, 07:36 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain View Post
Now that's what I call a great sober plan!! You sponsor knows you better than I do but personally I wouldn't change a thing. Going to the gym is a big part of my plan. Besides, between having kids to take care of and work; you are dealing with a lot. Finding a way to deal with the obvious stress you are dealing with is very important to recovery. That's one of the big reasons why people go back to drinking. I wouldn't change a thing. Your doing great. John
Thank you John.
I do not personally know anyone in my network who goes to the gym.
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Old 06-01-2015, 08:35 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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You mentioned that you are going thru
a divorce. Right? We all go thru things
in life such as death, divorce, jobs, buying
a car, home, getting married, having
children, accidents, health problems,
surgeries, quit smoking, dieting, retirement,
and so on that is part of daily life.

They can also add joys and stress on us
mentally, physically, emotionally as
we as psycologically.

In recovery we learn how to deal with
each thing as they come and having a
strong solid recovery foundation with
support and help so that we never have
to deal with or go thru any of them alone
or by ourselves.

A sponsor may show concern when
something big is about to happen in
our lives to reassure us and recommend
we stay close with our program to guide
is thru all those difficult moments and
the roller coast of emotions we experience.

It is suggested that we stay connected
to our program so that we don't wait
till the last moment and feel so over whelmed
and can only think about is reaching for
a quick fix like drugs or alcohol to numb
our pain, stress, frustration even if its a
joy, reward or accomplishment that would
only make matters worse or cause us to
relapse and have to start our recovery
over again.

There is nothing in this world bad enough
to make us want to drink or use that a
recovery program cant solve for us in
a healthy more effective manner.
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Old 06-01-2015, 08:43 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by aasharon90 View Post

There is nothing in this world bad enough
to make us want to drink or use that a
recovery program cant solve for us in
a healthy more effective manner.

Thank you for your response.
Yes in the middle of a life change i am now a single Mother with two kids.

I just want to know whats the right way?
Im going to his meeting tonight not because I want to but because it was suggested.
I do not want to let go of the balance I have right now, I just dont think its fair.
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Old 06-01-2015, 08:55 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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SeekHP,it sounds to me as if you are doing fantastic in your sobriety.

Lots of Alcoholics around the world don't have the opportunity to attend that many meetings,some areas have no meetings,they remain sober,it is the 12step programme that ensures they stay that way.

A sponsor is not there to tell you how to live your life and how many meetings you should be attending.

Wishing you well.
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Old 06-01-2015, 09:04 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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So don't let go of the balance.

A sponsor is a human being and has their own subjective view.

This person may not understand how exercise really helps mentally with coping during difficult times.

My husband isn't an exerciser, and frankly, he doesn't really "get" why I need to work out,
but he's been married to me long enough to know that it works.
He will even suggest I go when I'm getting maxed out emotionally--

Dealing with the stress of single-parenting and divorce sounds like
a really good reason to spin so long as you are also getting support for not drinking.
Which you are.

Trust your instincts about your needs. You know you best.
Hugs during this difficult time
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Old 06-01-2015, 09:10 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I have a step sponsor and spiritual sponsor. This just sort of worked out this way. My first sponsor attempted to make suggestions/requests/demands outside of the principles of AA.

I called BS, he got upset and we took a time out. Now, I consider him a good friend.

This is your journey - no one else's.
What is His will for you, that's the only sponsor you need concern yourself with

go spin, stay sober and live life!
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Old 06-01-2015, 09:15 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post

This is your journey - no one else's.
What is His will for you, that's the only sponsor you need concern yourself with

go spin, stay sober and live life!
What worries me is that I hear in meetings, people who dont take their sponsors suggestion relapse. Also, my sponsor said I will pay for not taking this suggestion, scared the **** out of me.
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Old 06-01-2015, 10:20 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Im not familiar with your story but I
see from what you posted that you are
19 mos. sober. That by far is nothing to
sneeze at in recovery. One day sober is
big but 19 mos is huge and for any alcoholic
it is an accompliment.

You mentioned about going to ur spouses
meeting. Is he in recovery? AA or NA or
some sort of recovery program?

Why do have to go to his meetings if you
have your own ones you go to regularly?
I was just curious.

Also, if you don't mind sharing about
why a divorce? They do recommend not
to take any drastic steps in early recovery
until you have some good quality sobriety
under ones belt first because we go thru
so many ups and downs in emotions.

Only you know for sure if taking this
step in ur recovery life is right for u
and ur family at this time.
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Old 06-01-2015, 10:28 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by aasharon90 View Post

You mentioned about going to ur spouses
meeting. Is he in recovery? AA or NA or
some sort of recovery program?

Why do have to go to his meetings if you
have your own ones you go to regularly?
I was just curious.

Also, if you don't mind sharing about
why a divorce? They do recommend not
to take any drastic steps in early recovery
until you have some good quality sobriety
under ones belt first because we go thru
so many ups and downs in emotions.

.
Thank you for the encouragement!

-I think you might be referring to when i meet with sponsor once a week on Wednesdays. We get together discuss traditions and program.

- we are not in process of divorce, no papers filed. We are separated and hes living with his mom now. Its been about 90 days since he left the home. I did not agree with moving to Florida with his parents. So he went back home until his move is official (to Florida)

I am forever grateful for sobriety for teaching me the tools to act like a lady with dignity and Grace. - Although not perfect at all times.
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Old 06-01-2015, 10:48 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Only God has my answers.

I pray about things that appear to be in conflict with what *I* want to do, and the answer always comes.

The fear/control thing where someone tries to tell you that you will fail? That is not from God.

I would say, pray. Then trust the answer.
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Old 06-01-2015, 10:53 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Thats right I need to pray about it!

I pray my will aligns with HP wills

I turn over day to HP

I pray may HE keep me clean and sober.

I've had two strong suggestions from two different sober women to add a 4th meeting, specifically Monday night meetings. I had another woman tell me that a person with 19 months should attend 5 meetings a week. I honestly feel like im losing my mind today. Thankfully this too shall pass. The whole day ive been short of breath and been taking deep breaths all day.
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:17 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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In early recovery after my 28 day rehab
instay program there was a 6 week aftercare
program added on before completing that
leg of my recovery. After that I went to many
many meetings for myself and as I needed
them.

I did whatever I needed to do to hang
on at times by the skin of my teeth so
to speak because I was restless, irritable
and discontent.

My family thought I spent to much
time going to meetings but I never slacked
off my motherly or wifely obligations. I
went to my meetings for me and my own
sanity, peace of mind.

It was the one place that I felt comfortable,
a part of something awesome. The fellowship
of many who never without a doubt had to
question me because they all knew who
and what I was because many of us had been
there done the same similar things in life
as I.

If I couldn't make meetings I had SR as my
lifeline to recovery. I also have my Faith and
all the tools and knowledge of my recovery
program to use in all areas of my life to draw
on.
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:21 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by aasharon90 View Post

I did whatever I needed to do to hang
on at times by the skin of my teeth so
to speak because I was restless, irritable
and discontent.

It was the one place that I felt comfortable,
a part of something awesome. The fellowship
of many who never without a doubt had to
question me because they all knew who
and what I was because many of us had been
there done the same similar things in life
as I.

I did the 90 meetings in 90 days.
I went almost every day in my first year.
Did my steps in the first year.
The dynamics and needs have changed for me now.
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:25 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I recently had a predicament. Asked one person what I should do. Didn't agree with her answer so asked my sponsor. Didn't like her answer, so mentioned it to me step-dads sponsor. Didn't like what he said either. Sent e-mail against all given advice and it came back as undeliverable (despite being to my boss who I e-mail all the time). I finally got the hint then, accepted that even my HP didn't agree and was letting me know it, and I was very glad of it today. Sometimes I have to accept that I don't know best.

I don't know if this is the same kind of thing, because I know that if it was me looking for a different answer to what I'd already been given I would probably 'forget' to mention on my OP certain things that might mean I'd get another answer I didn't like. But that's just me. (It's how I spent my entire childhood - getting my way through deception through omission. ) You're probably NOT doing that - I just have a tendency to presume everyone plays that game because I did (and prob still do if I let my self-honesty slip), and it is a fairly typical alcoholic trait (or so I've been led to believe).

I suppose this could just be a temporary measure - if you don't find it helpful you can always change back to your old routine. Maybe there's someone there who'll say something that'll make your entire week more bearable. Or maybe it's just going to end up a lesson in pushing your self-will to one side for an evening.

It sounds like it's turning into a resentment anyway, so it might be good to reflect on it in that way rather than whether your sponsor is right or not. Even if she's wrong and it's a justified resentment, it's not going to do you any favours carrying it around. It sounds like you've got enough to be dealing with already.

Hope the meeting's a good un.

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Old 06-01-2015, 11:29 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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A separation is not always a traumatic experience. Depending on the ill-health of a relationship, it can be a healing time, full of relief and contentment. Regardless of whether it is a painful experience, it does indicate lots of new space in your life, space and time that you previously gave to the dysfunctional relationship.

I believe that exercise is a critical component of recovery. I also believe that you intuitively know what you most need in different stages of your recovery. While a sponsor can often point out patterns or tendencies, it is not their role to design your recovery plan. I have spent a fair amount of time involved with 12-step programs, and your sponsor's insistence that you drop an exercise class to do an additional meeting when you are already attending three meetings a week is (in my opinion) inappropriate and overbearing advice. Many people with strong recoveries attend a single meeting a week; folks who live in isolated circumstances may never attend in-person meetings, but make sober connections via the internet. There is no mandate as to quantity of meeting attendance in AA!

I think it is outrageous that folks are telling you how many meetings you need to attend! Every individual needs a different "recipe" for their sobriety support. You are not a newcomer. You have 19 months, and - hopefully - have done enough internal work that you are learning to trust your instincts.

I hope that you will decide for yourself what you most need. If I were receiving this sort of advice from my sponsor, especially if they were making it a "dire warning" which was designed to frighten me, I would drop them as a sponsor.

I believe that AA is a path to sobriety, but it is only one avenue. Many people build successful sobriety without any AA attendance at all! Exercise is a critical piece of many people's commitment to sobriety (it is for me).

I attend one to two meetings a week. Some weeks - if they are over-full with other healthy sober activities, like kayaking or hiking trips, community volunteerism, or increased responsibilities at work - I might skip meetings altogether. I have many sober relationships in my life as a result of formal meetings, and I connect with those folks by doing other sorts of shared activities with them. Going hiking with a beloved AA friend can generate just as much sobriety support and emotional learning as sitting in a church basement sharing for three minutes with a group of people you may or may not enjoy or respect.

Recovering from a difficult relationship, feeling powerful and beautiful inside your body will offer you confidence, and exercise can generate that particular power. I think you are absolutely on the right track!
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:46 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SeekHP View Post
Thats right I need to pray about it!

I pray my will aligns with HP wills

I turn over day to HP

I pray may HE keep me clean and sober.

I've had two strong suggestions from two different sober women to add a 4th meeting, specifically Monday night meetings. I had another woman tell me that a person with 19 months should attend 5 meetings a week. I honestly feel like im losing my mind today. Thankfully this too shall pass. The whole day ive been short of breath and been taking deep breaths all day.
There is no magic number of meetings that will keep us sober - taking the action of working the steps in order to cure the spiritual malady puts us on the path to sobriety.

I am certain after thoughtful prayer and quietly meditating on the issue you'll find inwardly what's best for you and your loved ones today.

me too, thanks for the reminder

keep coming back!
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:58 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by heartcore View Post
A separation is not always a traumatic experience. Depending on the ill-health of a relationship, it can be a healing time, full of relief and contentment. Regardless of whether it is a painful experience, it does indicate lots of new space in your life, space and time that you previously gave to the dysfunctional relationship.

I believe that exercise is a critical component of recovery. I also believe that you intuitively know what you most need in different stages of your recovery. While a sponsor can often point out patterns or tendencies, it is not their role to design your recovery plan. I have spent a fair amount of time involved with 12-step programs, and your sponsor's insistence that you drop an exercise class to do an additional meeting when you are already attending three meetings a week is (in my opinion) inappropriate and overbearing advice.

Every individual needs a different "recipe" for their sobriety support. You are not a newcomer. You have 19 months, and - hopefully - have done enough internal work that you are learning to trust your instincts.

I believe that AA is a path to sobriety, but it is only one avenue. Many people build successful sobriety without any AA attendance at all! Exercise is a critical piece of many people's commitment to sobriety (it is for me).

Recovering from a difficult relationship, feeling powerful and beautiful inside your body will offer you confidence, and exercise can generate that particular power. I think you are absolutely on the right track!
-Before this separation i had to fill in the gap with time with him. Hes not in the picture now. Sobriety, Children Work is all I do.

- I do feel like the gym brings me a sense of discipline and happiness.

- Timing for me is a luxury which is why my schedule is precise.

- This suggestion has been overbearing, I've never said no to any suggestions my sponsor has told me!

- I was frightened when she said "you will pay for this"
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:58 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
There is no magic number of meetings that will keep us sober - taking the action of working the steps in order to cure the spiritual malady puts us on the path to sobriety.

I am certain after thoughtful prayer and quietly meditating on the issue you'll find inwardly what's best for you and your loved ones today.

me too, thanks for the reminder

keep coming back!
Thank you for the suggestion.
I need to meditate on this.
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