matt1618

From about the age of 8 on my father was to drunk to have a regular job. He was very kind and loving but basically slept most days until noon. I am 39 and just slowed down my work life recently to volunteer more at my parish (catholic) and all my childhood emotions came back that may father had been there as a child but completely absent. I wanted to talk to him about it and he has a totally differnt memory. When we really talked about specifics he denied them and my mother cried for days saying we have put this behind us. I guess I won't bring it up again but is is very frustrating that he thinks he was a model father and I really had to learn life on my own as my mother did everything and home at had a full time job because he was always drunk. I guess they want to live in denial and my sister and my brother in law are repeating the cycle.

MaidenNZ

I was emotionally absent for about 10 years. I struggle to forgive myself for not being there 100%. From the outside no one would know the pain this has caused... internally I think we have all suffered in silence to varying degrees.

I hope now you've begun the conversation, you can get some closure.

Verte

Hi Matt. Welcome to the forum. I am sorry that your family does not seem able to listen to your experience right now. Stick around. You will find a lot of support and validation from others who truly understand the place you find yourself. Check out these forums:

Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dee74

Welcome Matt

My memories of my childhood and my family's do not match either.
Finally I decided to just accept things I couldn't change and and to move on with my life anyway.

Some counselling helped me..maybe it might help you too?

D

Bailey3

Welcome Matt. There's a book called, "Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Dysfunctional a Families". If you haven't read it I suggest you do. Good book. Give it a try.

greens

In 12 step meetings I used to hear " my siblings and I grew up in the same house but had different childhoods "
The meaning of this could not be more true in my house, out of 4 siblings some of us remember chronic physicAL abuse, some of us only remember verbal abuse, and some of us Remember no abuse at all and think our siblings need to stop being so sensitive. This is extremely common In dysfunctional households and is very difficult for the siblings who are ready to Confront the abuser after working with a therapist or support group. I am sorry that Confronting your father did not work out the way you thought it would , That sounds really frustrating and I can really relate

Anna

My memories of my childhood and my mother's memories are totally different. I made the decision at about the age you are now, to step away emotionally from that relationship. My mother would never, ever accept what she did and if I continued to hope she would, I would continue to be hurt. Step back and don't let your family continue to hurt you. In the end, it doesn't matter what they think, you know what happened.

biminiblue

In my early thirties I came to the realization that my family and I would not come to an agreement about, "the way things were." If I wanted to have any relationship with them at all, I had to let things go when they were said. My mother would never admit to ever doing anything wrong. That gets old, ya know?

My family and I lived thousands of miles apart and I could hang up the phone, or walk out the door if things got too uncomfortable for me. I did that a few times when my mother would insist on rehashing some twenty year old issue.

The past is in the past and cannot be changed.

I decided to try to be the best daughter I could be without letting abuse continue. That worked for me.

matt1618

My father who is moved from being a full on drunk to just an occasional one, constently calls me a lair about anything I do and he will say about my accomplishments "look what I have done" about himself. He calls me a liar so much, which is dillusional he threatens to go talk to our parish priest about how I am mentally unbalanced. He claims to be catholic but hasnt been to church in 20 years more than 5 times. While I am head the the Knights of Columbus at our parish. I have told him to talk to the priest about as he says "my mental illness". I told him to go for it because it will expose his behavior. He hasn't done anything. He constantly lives a lie. He goes around telling everyone he paid for my Ivy league degree he didn't pay one penny. My parents live very close there is no avoiding our interaction and my mother is very kind and balanced. She says she just blocks out his behavior

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR Matt

Surrender2win

Welcome Matt1618. I agree with Dee and the counselling. It may be a tremendous help to you. I wish you the best.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Matt!!