Berrybean

Oh no. *hug*
Do you think that starting the work holiday could have been a trigger?

SansaS

Yes I definitely think that 'switching off' feeling got the better of me. I didn't even really enjoy it much and now I just feel awful.

Berrybean

I bet you do. That's understandable. Try not to get into that hating yourself and giving up on yourself cycle that's so easy to get caught up in.

Is there a meeting you can go to? To get a fresh start on the roll sooner rather than later.

SansaS

Thanks beccy. I refuse to give up now that I've had a small taste of being sober and how good it can actually be.
I'm not sure about the meeting thing. I'm not sure that AA is really for me.

Berrybean

Neither was I (and lots of others) - thing is you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. It's completely free of charge and you will find lots of people there who can offer you understanding, strength and hope. Three things that surely aren't going to hurt today.

I'll be thinking of you - good luck whatever you decide xx

site1Q84

Sorry to hear that but glad you came back on here and owned up!

Better to try AA for a while and have it not be for you than never try it. It could be the thing that helps the most! I'd gone a few times over the years and hated it, but I started again after I had a few relapses in May when I decided to get sober. I knew I wasn't doing enough or I wouldn't have drank, so I went in with an open mind this time and just did everything they told me to do, whether I thought it was a good idea or not. A lot of it has really helped me so far. it that hadn't worked I would have tried some other kind of meeting, maybe a church. I'd be willing to try just about anything if it could help keep me sober! That just happens to be the one that clicked. That face to face accountability really helped for me.

thomas11

Hi Sansa, I've followed this thread and sorry to had a minor slip. I'll share my observation. On some of your daily posts you said you felt flat or listless, but thankful for not waking up hungover. In other words, sobriety wasn't exactly the rock star lifestyle you may have envisioned, but if you read above, you say that you've had a taste of being sober and "how good it can be". So, in my opinion you solved that part of the equation, which is huge. Great job.

SansaS

Yes Thomas I did start to quite enjoy the calm presence of living in the moment and being sober. I've had my slip now, and all it did was leave me feeling grumpy and dazed.