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Never knew I would be this lonely.

Old 05-30-2015, 12:17 PM
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Never knew I would be this lonely.

So I've only been off five days and to be honest I'd like a beer but I'm not that bothered. I'm a bit surprised about that.

My problem is that every evening I am completely alone. A friend took me out today with her kids which was nice but then at the end of the day I'm back home on my own. My friends are all out and I can't join them because they're in the pub after watching the football.

My girlfriend left me last week because I always put drink before her. She deserves better. But now she's free of the burden of me and out enjoying herself. If I'd just not waited till it was too late then I wouldn't be lonely; I know she would have been here with me, helping me. There are so many alcohol free things to do! They're just no fun on your own. I'm so tempted to go join my friends.
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Old 05-30-2015, 12:29 PM
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Hi Sparksz,

Congratulations on 5 days

At first when you quit alcohol it leaves a big hole because much of your social life would have revolved around drinking the stuff

Once your friends realise that you are serious about not drinking i'm sure they will accept it and will continue to see you - just not in the pub or bar.

The other thing is that If you stay sober maybe your ex girlfriend will have a change of heart, she was obviously one person that you could have done non drink based activities.

If you work at it you will be able to fill the void
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:02 PM
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Great job on Day 5!!

I was the same, I live on my own and used to drink on my own every day after work, so when I quit drinking, I had a whole lot of time on my own and was bored out of my mind!!

Sobreity though I realised is more than simply not drinking, it's about revolutionising a lifestyle, I needed to get out there, find new hobbies/interests and meet new people, slowly begin to carve out a new Sober life with new activities and new friends.

Sit and think about what you wanna now do with your life and go from there, it won't happen over night, but with small steps you can meet new people!!
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:09 PM
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Congrats on 5 days. Alone time is hard at first, but stick with it and soon you'll wish you had more of it!
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:11 PM
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As long as you keep on course and sober, there are countless opportunities that will unfold before you.

The magic will happen, just be patient and wonderful things will happen.
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:16 PM
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Keep at it!
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:41 PM
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I was an expert at shielding my loneliness by being in a relationship when I was drinking. Most recently, and I know I'm not alone in this, my girlfriend was the only near-genuine contact I had with the rest of the world. Her throwing me out did not cause my loneliness; it only threw it in sharper relief.

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Old 05-30-2015, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Sparksz View Post

My girlfriend left me last week because I always put drink before her.
The good news
She may come back if you
Stay away from the liquid devil

MM
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Old 05-30-2015, 01:51 PM
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You may wish to try AA for the social aspect. There are a ton of fun loving people who have a great time with no alcohol
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:20 PM
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Thank you all

I realise I left my original post with me being tempted to go to the pub... I went to the shops to buy bread and milk instead. I am so Rock N Roll these days!!!!!

I'm slowly learning what has been said over and over. This isn't just about ordering a different beverage. This is about a complete lifestyle change.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:22 PM
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I'm still not sold on AA either. They all seem to be in churches and I'm really not religious.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:39 PM
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I had 1 friend when I got sober, and he was my drinking buddy. We're still friends 31 years later, though I had to stay away from him in early recovery. He still drinks.

Anyhow, I was completely socially retarded. Didn't like AA, nor want to be there, but at the time felt I had no other option. I'm happy about that because going there changed my life. I had a great time socializing with only AA people in the beginning, and I learned from that how to make friends in the outside world, and enjoy my life away from the bars and clubs. There is so much more to life.

I'm in a pretty great place today. And I'm certain I'd have never learned to have gotten there without AA. I wouldn't abandon the idea just because they're in churches. I was brought up in Catholic school and quit that God when I was 10 years old. For life. AA has nothing to do with that.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:51 PM
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Congrats on 5 days. If this helps, I had isolated myself during my drinking phase. I still had people doing what I thought was hounding (but in reality were reaching out to) me but I was too consumed with my own problems and addictions.

What really helped me was thinking of my life as a grid with maybe 9 squares. Each one representing those things that matter to most humans. Work. Health. Home. Relationships. Hobbies. Social. Spiritual etc...

I noticed that all of my time had been spent in "hobbies"... ie: drinking myself to oblivion. Once I got sober and started trying to repair ties with other parts of my grid, my life became so busy and fulfilling that my "hobby" became so small and redundant that now, I barely think about. I have other hobbies afterall! Healthy ones.

I wish you the best. Think about filling up that grid
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Old 05-30-2015, 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Sparksz View Post
I'm still not sold on AA either. They all seem to be in churches and I'm really not religious.
True, some AA meetings are held in churches but, their beliefs are usually not near the same.

For one. I know of no church that let's one pick their own higher power.

Also, never seen communion taken in AA.

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Old 05-30-2015, 05:23 PM
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You are making a great choice for you, your physical and mental health needs to come first, the rest will fall into place.:-)
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Old 05-30-2015, 05:28 PM
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Congrats on 5 days

There are other kinds of recovery meetings than AA, maybe look into those. There must be tons of interesting (and social) things to do in London... well, I know for fact because I lived there in the past

Maybe find something at meetup.com? Or initiate your own group about any topic of interest you like? You could state that you are a non-drinker and looking for the same.
http://www.meetup.com/cities/gb/17/london/

I came to Asia a few weeks ago, and I did not know a single soul here apart from the people I work with, and a friend from the US who visited for several days. So I signed up to some of the meetup groups, and went to a few events... met so many people already.... not all are interesting of course... but I have a lot of invitations for more activities. It's very easy!

Another way I like to meet new people best is taking classes... again, very easy because the conversation topic (at least to start) is given. I did this also when I lived in London in the past. Maybe try some sport if you like that?

Focusing on your recovery and getting better as a priority and arranging activities around that, solo or social, is not a bad idea in early sobriety.
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Old 05-30-2015, 07:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Sparksz View Post
I'm still not sold on AA either. They all seem to be in churches and I'm really not religious.
AA meetings are held at churches because the room rent is free or very low cost. AA is not a religious program it is spiritual. There is a huge difference
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Old 05-31-2015, 05:13 AM
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I don't get people surrendering to Jesus. He turns water into wine.
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Old 05-31-2015, 05:45 AM
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Originally Posted by DrunkenDonuts View Post
I don't get people surrendering to Jesus. He turns water into wine.
No mention of Jesus at AA. At all. A God of your own understanding. Not (necessarily) anything to do with Christianity.
I find the AA meetings really do help with the loneliness (which you need to guard yourself against as it's such a trigger)

There are other types of meeting / groups a well though.

Never been to a Dry Bar, but I understand there are a few of them in London . Loads to do in London. What kind of thing are you into?

It does take a little while to get used to filling your time when you're used to drinking it way - but it does happen eventually.
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Old 05-31-2015, 05:55 AM
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Originally Posted by DrunkenDonuts View Post
I don't get people surrendering to Jesus. He turns water into wine.
That's because Jesus was a normie and his 12 buddies were too
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