overbearing step mom
 

My son's 8th grade dance was last night. It fell on his dads weekend so I didn't get to be there for the pictures beforehand. Although several pictures were taken of him in his outfit his step mom took one of him and her and posted that. & I just feel hurt. Because it looks like she is the mom. I just feel like it's an appropriate and somewhat disrespectful. It just doesn't make sense as to why it was just her and him why wasn't it her and him and him and his dad. So I'm trying to deal with this in logical terms and not make a mountain out of a molehill. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

Hi Sunshine:

Don't let this get to you. She is a stepmom and she will be in his life. Be glad that they get along. I understand why you are feeling a little ticked but don't look too much into it. Focus on your relationship with him and don't let a third party interfere.

Don't let your AV use this to get to you. It will try.

Hello sunshine,

I'm sorry you have been hurt by the actions of your ex-husband's wife.

About 5.5 years ago, I married a man who was a widower with two children--both adults (25 yo +). Even though they were adults, and their mother was no longer living, I did everything I could to respect their mother's memory. I did not display any physical affection toward their father in front of them for a very long time. In particular, my stepdaughter is very sensitive about all this and probably would have preferred it if her father never married again.

It is an even greater challenge, I'm sure, when divorce was the reason for remarriage and the children are still young.

I can't answer for your ex-husband's new wife. I don't believe that what she did was necessarily directed at you. Do she and your ex-husband have a history of being critical toward you in front of your son?

Perhaps she was just happy and grateful to be part of this event in your son's life and wanted to share that with her friends. I know that I am grateful for any time I get to spend with my stepdaughter and her family and enjoy reliving those memories through the few photos that actually exist of those times.

Above all, I hope your son enjoyed the dance :)

I could only wish she was as sweet as you...

Let it go. She recognizes that your son is an awesome young man and she is proud to be part of his life.

If you got to personally pick a step-mom for your son wouldn't you want her to feel exactly this way?

I'm trying but why wasn't his dad in the photo.

What did he say when you asked him?

I have a call into them but it was just posted at 1am. So I got to wake up to it. I've expressed these feelings of overstepping in the past.

To be honest whenever my stepdaughter had a dance or graduation and photos were taken. I always posted the photos of the 2 of us on my social media. It was nothing against her mom. It was my social media so I posted photos of well me.

I don't see it as overstepping at all. Like it or not, she is going to be in his life and be his family. I think that you should let it go. I think it is irrational to expect that he doesn't take pics with her. You (grown ups) need to work as a team for the benefit of your son and petty arguments about posting pics will not be conducive to that.

Perhaps your ex was the one taking the picture? That's why he wasn't in it.

Thank you I'm trying to understand.

I accept her and we have come a long way. We have a lot of co parenting families around here and she is the only one that is always doing this type of stuff. I always let it go and I'll get over this too. Wonder how his dad would feel if my husband posted of just him and our son for such a special event. I find it disrespectful.

Why disrespectful? They have a relationship too... I would want to foster that bond. It would only be healthy for everyone for them to have a good relationship. Do you want her to be a wicked stepmom? Do you want your son to hate her and be miserable when she is around?

Try to step out of yourself and view the situation from an outsider's point of view...

I'm trying. Its hard. I don't know why I think she did it to hurt me. I just feel that way inside. He is my only child and I didn't even get a photo with him. Just feels weird.

No he was getting ready. Its just weird to me and doesn't feel right.

It's not about you.

It was a big night for your son.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is put things in their context and leave it at that. It sounds like there are a lot of positives here for your son. You and your ex's spouse have worked on your relationship. You noted you accept her and have attending co-parenting classes. That's good stuff -- stuff that is helping your son. That's what matters.

it's just the principle that she was in the picture with him looking like his mother. There is no other parent in the picture. She knows that it is not cool. His dad would have not liked it if my husband would have taken a picture with just our son and posted it either.

sunshine :hug:

I really can only imagine how upsetting this has been for you. I'll tell you a little story of an event in my stepdaughter's life--it really takes effort on everyone's part to make blended families work.

My stepdaughter graduated about 2 years ago from a technical college--she works in a medical field. She worked very hard, and I was very happy for her. For her graduation speech, she thanked all her professors, her husband, her father, her husband's mother and stepdad, and I did not get a mention at all. I was the one taking pictures that day, and no one, not even my husband, asked me to be in any of the pictures.

It still hurts to think about that day, and my chest tightens with pain as I think about it.

Maybe, just maybe, your son's step is trying to feel as though she is part of the family. It is hard and painful to always feel like the accessory of your spouse's life but not part of the family--believe me.

I hope that all of you can talk and work through this so that everyone can have peace and joy again.

That is sad. I would never leave her out like that. She left me out and I'm bio-mom. It has ALWAYS been like this for every milestone. She is ALWAYS stand in front of me ALWAYS. I ALWAYS take the high road and sit back and accept. What about me? She is very aggressive and extremely overbearing. Sad..