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This to shall pass

Old 05-30-2015, 04:24 AM
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This to shall pass

As many of you know my daughter died 10 months ago.

My life has been hell on earth for the last 16 months. The diagnosis, the steady progression toward death, the suffering, her passing, and the blackness of grief and depression afterwards are things that there are not words for. I honestly had forgotten what feeling OK felt like.

Then yesterday happened. It was a good day for a bunch of reasons and I saw a glimmer of hope. Yesterday gave me some serenity and more importantly I know in my heart the worst is over.

I know there are a ton of bad days ahead but the good days will come more often and eventually I will get my life back.

The reason I know things will get better is because I didn't drink. People with long term sobriety told me things would get better and I believed them even during the darkest days.

I thank God and the many people here who supported me on this journey and I would like to say to newcomers.

No matter how bad your life is there are good days ahead as long as we stay sober
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Old 05-30-2015, 04:45 AM
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Glad you had a good day MIR. You have been trough a lot, and remained on the sobriety course. You are an inspiration to me.
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Old 05-30-2015, 04:46 AM
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Originally Posted by MIRecovery View Post
No matter how bad your life is there are good days ahead as long as we stay sober
I don't even like to look down the road you're walking. You are a model of grace. ((((MIRecovery))))
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Old 05-30-2015, 04:47 AM
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Thank you.
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Old 05-30-2015, 04:49 AM
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I'm pleased for you and the fact that you have remained sober through really tough times :-)
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Old 05-30-2015, 04:53 AM
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I have have almost seen your entire journey here in SR and I must say that you are a BOSS. I have always been impressed with your grace and strength handling this situation. You are a true inspiration that shows that we don't have to let our circumstances dictate our life. You are truly amazing and I am proud of you and happy to see that you are starting to feel better in general. You deserve it!!!
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Old 05-30-2015, 05:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Thepatman View Post
Glad you had a good day MIR. You have been trough a lot, and remained on the sobriety course. You are an inspiration to me.
^^^^^
This!
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Old 05-30-2015, 07:14 AM
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MIRecovery--you are an inspiration for so many!!
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Old 05-30-2015, 07:36 AM
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(((((((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))))))))))
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Old 05-30-2015, 08:29 AM
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Interesting post from 2 days after her death. Looks like I was right

My worst day sober
The last couple of weeks have definitely been my worst days sober. To see your child suffer and die is horrible beyond description.

What I have been thinking about is I made the statement. "My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk." I have been thinking is this really true or am I blindly reciting slogans I have heard a hundred times.

How could the loss of your child be better than drinking?

After some real thought here is my answer. Yes it is better. It is better because it has an end. Will life be very hard for a very long time? The answer is yes. The important thing I have come to realize is a very long time is not forever. Each day will get a little bit better. Will the whole in my heart ever totally heal? No it will not but it will become something I can deal with because of the other blessings in my life.

Alcoholism has only one end and that is death either directly or indirectly. There is no good outcome. Each day gets worse. Each day you give more things away. Your loved ones, your health, your self esteem, your freedom, your independence, and a million others things you love and cherish.

So the answer is. MY WORST DAY SOBER IS MUCH BETTER THAN MY BEST DAY AS AN ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC
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Old 05-30-2015, 08:32 AM
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MIR, we are so fortunate to have you as a friend to the SR community. You set an example for all of us. Many would have gone away to deal with their grief, understandably. Some perhaps go back -- never good. You've shown us that even in the most painful circumstances, our sobriety keeps us anchored.

My thoughts are with you. Your daughter sounds like a lovely person, one who graced Earth with her presence.

Take good care, friend.
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Old 05-30-2015, 08:38 AM
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Mi, you have al so answered something for me. I've prayed for ya. Strength,courage,wisdom. Guide, guard, and protect. Comfort.
Prayer works!
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Old 05-30-2015, 08:46 AM
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Thank you for your posts. I can't even imagine what you're going through, and I'm so very sorry for your loss. Reading this this morning was very helpful to me as I've been depressed over nothing really, and you really put things in perspective. Very inspirational. Thank you!
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Old 05-30-2015, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
Mi, you have al so answered something for me. I've prayed for ya. Strength,courage,wisdom. Guide, guard, and protect. Comfort.
Prayer works!
Prayer, friendship, family, and fellowship will get you through anything. I thank God I have been blessed with an abundance of all four
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Old 05-30-2015, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by MIRecovery View Post
As many of you know my daughter died 10 months ago.

My life has been hell on earth for the last 16 months. The diagnosis, the steady progression toward death, the suffering, her passing, and the blackness of grief and depression afterwards are things that there are not words for. I honestly had forgotten what feeling OK felt like.

Then yesterday happened. It was a good day for a bunch of reasons and I saw a glimmer of hope. Yesterday gave me some serenity and more importantly I know in my heart the worst is over.

I know there are a ton of bad days ahead but the good days will come more often and eventually I will get my life back.

The reason I know things will get better is because I didn't drink. People with long term sobriety told me things would get better and I believed them even during the darkest days.

I thank God and the many people here who supported me on this journey and I would like to say to newcomers.

No matter how bad your life is there are good days ahead as long as we stay sober
Thank you for your post. I wish you many more bright days ahead😊
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Old 05-30-2015, 09:54 AM
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I understand, oh how I understand. My daughter died in my arms ten years ago. I dealt with it numbly without drinking for a while, but then my alcoholism came on with a roar. I have been sober 5 months. I always felt her passing gave me the excuse to be angry at the world and do whatever I needed/wanted to either numb out or feel good. Problem was, I was also taking that time and care and attention away from my two living children. I forgot them and my husband in the process. I am well on the road to reconnecting and getting to know who they are now - I feel I missed out on so much.
There is so much pain that comes in losing a child. Only recently have I begun to open up about it, because I realize that using her name out loud heals me just a little bit each time. I no longer hide her or my alcoholism in the closet.
For wisdom, all I can say is this. People say all kinds of the things to you when your child dies. Some lovely, some well meaning but off base, and some plain cruel (this from the religious side of my family). But the one I never got was about time healing all wounds. To me that's just a misnomer. No, time doesn't heal wounds. What time does is separate us further and further from the horrific event. I no longer live every day thinking of her all day every day. I guess I learned to put her in a special box in my brain that I can visit anytime I want, but can also walk around and not open during times where I need to be present, or experiencing joy. My arms will ache for her til my dying day, but I will also experience great joy while I wait to meet her again.
Peace and love to you.
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Old 05-30-2015, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Irnldy001 View Post
I understand, oh how I understand. My daughter died in my arms ten years ago. I dealt with it numbly without drinking for a while, but then my alcoholism came on with a roar. I have been sober 5 months. I always felt her passing gave me the excuse to be angry at the world and do whatever I needed/wanted to either numb out or feel good. Problem was, I was also taking that time and care and attention away from my two living children. I forgot them and my husband in the process. I am well on the road to reconnecting and getting to know who they are now - I feel I missed out on so much.
There is so much pain that comes in losing a child. Only recently have I begun to open up about it, because I realize that using her name out loud heals me just a little bit each time. I no longer hide her or my alcoholism in the closet.
For wisdom, all I can say is this. People say all kinds of the things to you when your child dies. Some lovely, some well meaning but off base, and some plain cruel (this from the religious side of my family). But the one I never got was about time healing all wounds. To me that's just a misnomer. No, time doesn't heal wounds. What time does is separate us further and further from the horrific event. I no longer live every day thinking of her all day every day. I guess I learned to put her in a special box in my brain that I can visit anytime I want, but can also walk around and not open during times where I need to be present, or experiencing joy. My arms will ache for her til my dying day, but I will also experience great joy while I wait to meet her again.
Peace and love to you.
We belong to a small and tragic group and am sorry for your loss in a way only we can be sorry for each other. She died on my 5 year sobriety date and I believe that was her way of saying, "Dad you better stay sober!"

Drinking again crossed my mind more than once but some how I stayed sober. Drinking is our solution so it does not surprise me you slipped.

Time does not heal but it does allow for healthier coping mechanisms.

My heart goes out to you and maybe our daughters are buddies in heaven
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Old 05-30-2015, 11:15 AM
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Great post MIR!! You're an inspiration!!
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Old 05-30-2015, 02:53 PM
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Made my day to hear you say this.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:01 PM
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I am glad you have found some happiness, it is very well deserved. Hugs to you.
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