sectownkid

It's not even the alcohol itself. Sure I love the short term feeling of what it does for me, have made some great memories and good friends. I have also had ridiculous binders that resulted in the destruction of everything stable in my life, followed by nightmarish withdrawals for days. This doesn't seem like a very good trade off. All I know is drinking brew and skateboarding downhill. I find it hard to get the courage to go downhill on a longboard at 40 MPH without at least a six pack in me, and I find that when not drinking I care little about conversation and making friends. I am just so uninterested in everything and everybody, nothing is interesting. I could see a UFO land and think to myself okay that's kind of un usual.

When I drink life becomes vibrant and alive, people become more interesting to talk to. I can skate better and snowboard better. I know this is probably euphoric recall but with all the rock bottom posts on here I feel like I should at least write down WHY I love alcohol so much, because I KNOW what it feels like to hit bottom (been there 20+ times) and lose everything and be on the streets. I have come so close to being a skidrow drunk and I'm only 26, in fact I've been homeless all over the lower 48 and Alaska due to drinking- so why do I still romanticize having a brew in my hand for everything I do, and why is it so easy to forget the horrific withdrawal and sleep paralysis I get when I'm drying up?

I know I am alcoholic and I want to quit. I don't want to have to depend on a ******* can of poison to pretend that I'm happy when I know it's a lie. But I feel so locked into this condition and it feels nearly impossible- psychologically- to quit. I guess I have felt some of the greatest highs on drugs and alcohol- mixed with extreme sports- and the monotony of sober life scares me. I think I might get too bored go crazy. The better part of me knows this is just pure ******** given to me by my alcoholic brain. Man.... Does anybody else struggle with this, and how do you deal with it??

saoutchik

I think all of us alcoholics are fearful of life without alcohol sector but that's because we're so in thrall to our poison that we cannot imagine life without it.

Truth is though we are in the minority, most people can and do live their lives and maintain a perfectly healthy relationship with booze.

In reality when we drink we do not become more "vibrant and alive" Maybe there is a brief window when we have a mild buzz and are still quite lucid that things are OK but i'm sure you have heard drunk people Trying to talk to each other, it's mindless c**p.

It is a struggle and it takes work but on the plus side you are still young (I wish I would have quit at 26, it would have been a lot easier than at the 55 years I am now).

You can do, you can stay sober and still be an interesting person, after all there is no one more boring than a drunk because they don't do anything else. You have to do the things that you wanted to do back before the drink

All the best sectownkid

Soberintexas007

I can understand what you are going through. I am only on day 2, but I find myself being less interested in things without drinking. For example, why would I want to go to a family party without drinking, since I find most people boring without drinking? Well, I have chosen sobriety at this time because I lose control after that first drink, eventually pass out, and then am majorly depressed the following day and cannot function. But I have faith that as time passes, things will get easier and the conditioned euphoric response with alcohol will eventually become extinct.

Anna

Sectown kid, I think a lot of us deal with shyness/anxiety/feeling uncomfortable in our skins - those kinds of things. And, of course, drinking seems to help combat those issues, at least for awhile. But, then one day you realize you're completely controlled by the alcohol. Even so, it's very hard to take the leap and remove alcohol from your life. You really need to have faith that it will work, and you will find lots of support by reading around this board.

Copper442

Hi, sectownkid. I'm the same age as you and can definitely relate to being fearful about sobriety for various reasons. You are smart to realize that it is all a lie perpetuated by the drinking.

I have just recently reached a point where it has become too frightening to me to continue drinking. I can't fathom going through withdrawals again. I'm not sure how long you have been drinking but it seems like you have given it more than enough time.

I'm glad you've decided to quit. The first time I quit I stayed sober for 16months. For the first 4 months I just went through the motions. I did whatever I could just to not drink. My mind was telling me I wasn't that bad and living without alcohol would be worse than living with it. I didn't trust my own thoughts. After a few months, my perspective changed.

Give it time. Post often and read around the boards. Trust those here who say it gets better and it's worth it. They all can't be wrong!

Best of luck to you.

Nonsensical

Yes. It's called addiction. It is the problem that masquerades as the solution.

The toughest thing I had to come to grips with on my journey was the concept that part of my brain was actively betraying me. It is addicted to alcohol and will try to convince me of anything it can to get me to take another drink. It is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it.

I stopped taking advice from a known liar and my life got better. I highly recommend it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

CaseyW

You should make the exact same post only substitute all the horrible feelings and bad situations that alcohol has put you in.

Give your sober self a true chance to come out before you decide that you're always going to be uninterested in everything, etc.

I chased after that euphoria and feeling of finally belonging that I got from my first drunk for many many years and never really truly found it again. But I did find a whole lot of pain and misery in its place.

instant

it's all about the brain and the reward centres.

Alcohol highjacked all of my emotions .Without alcohol there was nothing....................for a while.

Thankfully things change. You can too.

Dee74

Hi Sectown

I think most of us here can identify with not wanting to let go.

People feel good when they drink because they're addicted.

Alcohol made me feel normal, and gave me what I felt was the only joy I had in my life.

I drank past that tho to the point where the joy was gone... as well as the beer superpowers....

Quttings not easy. It's hard...it may seem ridiculous to swap euphoria for hard work and suffering...but the transition phase isn't that long ...you'll feel good again. Better than you can imagine.

You'll find the talent, for whatever your hobby is, is there in you, it doesn't need booze to emerge.

When I feel joy today it's real joy - not from a bottle.

I like who I am and I love my life.
I feel I'm living now, not merely existing.

I really hope you'll decide to give it a go

D

Pondlady

You mention being afraid of a monotonous sober life. Sometimes when we drink, everything seems exciting and we become crisis oriented. For me, I've learned I have a much greater ability to focus without alcohol.

I hope you'll stick with it and seek support on this forum.

thenewguy

Essentially, for every time you used the word "I" in your post, substitute "My brain".

Example: That is essentially what we're talking about here. It is your brain that is saying that life is dull and uninteresting without alcohol. I initially felt the same way when I quit for good, but over time I found the complete opposite was true when I gave my body and brain the time and care it needed to recover.

Kind regards,

JimdiGriz

I think your story chimed with me.
If there is one thing to motivate me through sobriety it's my little.boy. He's 4.
He is enthusiastic about everything, loves the company of family and other children whether he knows them or not. Runs everywhere. Is happy reading, drawing, writing, cycling. You get the picture.
I'm in awe of this. I wonder where this lust for.life went with me.
I suspect it's 2 pronged. The hurt and cynicism and confusions .bred by other people suppress this childlike fascination as we grow up. And alcohol can bring it to life temporarily. But at a cost. Each time I drink I wonder if I'm making my sober world a flatter greyer place. The alcoholic slow erosion of self worth ( and sometimes dramatic damaging.crises) completes the circle.
The joy you feel when boarding shouldn't come with a beer tax. The warmth you feel in company is probably a birthright, not something purchased in tin form
Anyway that's my tuppence.
Thankyou for your post.

least

I was afraid to let go of drinking too. It was all I knew. But I got sick of the anxiety and depression that drinking caused and finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I've found a whole new life sober, and it's so rewarding. I love waking up feeling good and ready to face the day. Give it a good try. At least 3 months sober. I'll bet you won't regret it.

IfYouCanDream

Some great answers here.

Healing takes time and this time feels like a loooong time, but it's all reversible.
Life can and will feel better after you allow enough time to heal. The illusion of things being better under the influence will disperse.

site1Q84

^^ I agree with this completely. I'm only a few weeks in, so everything still seems to be coming in waves, but in general the happy waves are starting to beat out the downer waves. I've come to realize that alcohol, as a depressant, is responsible for the lack of interest I feel when I quit drinking. I know I have to fight through that for a little while to feel to true joys of life, and now that I'm starting to get there, it's SO worth it. It's better than any time I've ever had drunk.

Hang in there, the feeling will pass and your whole life will come back to you in ways you can't imagine.

exwell66

this is something that brings it home for me What Alcohol Really Does to Your Brain - Forbes

exwell66

But here’s the twist: alcohol also increases the release of dopamine in your brain’s “reward center.” The reward center is the same combination of brain areas (particularly the ventral striatum) that are affected by virtually all pleasurable activity, including everything from hanging out with friends, going on vacation, getting a big bonus at work, ingesting drugs (like cocaine and crystal meth), and drinking alcohol.

By jacking up dopamine levels in your brain, alcohol tricks you into thinking that it’s actually making you feel great (or maybe just better, if you are drinking to get over something emotionally difficult). The effect is that you keep drinking to get more dopamine release, but at the same time you’re altering other brain chemicals that are enhancing feelings of depression.

Research suggests that alcohol’s affect on dopamine is more significant for men than women, which may account for men drinking more than women on average. According to results from the 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC), alcoholism affects men more than women: About 10 percent of men, compared to 3 to 5 percent of women, become alcoholics over the course of their lifetime.

Over time, with more drinking, the dopamine effect diminishes until it’s almost nonexistent. But at this stage, a drinker is often “hooked” on the feeling of dopamine release in the reward center, even though they’re no longer getting it. Once a compulsive need to go back again and again for that release is established, addiction takes hold. The length of time it takes for this to happen is case-specific; some people have a genetic propensity for alcoholism and for them it will take very little time, while for others it may take several weeks or months.

CelticZebra

The feeling you describe is something I listened to for 20 years.
I'm 20 months sober, I still have off days but on the whole my life has become better, I have more natural confidence now I am beating my demons into submission so I can have the control back over my life.
For me, when a big change occurs in my life e.g. Relationship split/begin, alcohol quit I need a 'year of firsts'
First birthday sober, first Xmas etc, once I knew I could handle situations without the booze my second year is becoming a year of discovery, it's a great feeling.
This early in your recovery these feeling are very common and normal, like recovering from a long term illness, it takes time before we can do everything we want with ease, the body needs time and the brain needs more time.
The more time and distance between alcohol and myself the more confident I begin to feel and I'm amazed at some of the things that interest me now I don't waste my time with the booze.

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

kk1k5x

Since I've been through the 'how to socialise when sober' experience once during 9 month sobriety period, I actually (might sound like a douche) found out that some people truly are boring and some events truly are boring. What we, drunks, call a 'party', has mostly nothing to do with actual celebration, have you noticed? The spot doesn't matter, neither do the people or the reason for the occasion - as long as there is booze. Going to one of these 'parties' when sober was truly boring, because no one actually preps a real party or organises any activities, it's mostly just about drinking and having a conversation. As we know, these conversations transform into a slur-fest about an hour, hour and a half into the 'party'. And then a sober person actually wants to leave (at least, I did).

When it comes to the 'party people', I don't know. Some of them actually did seem dullards when I was sober. Only topics discussed were a) chicks they banged, b) chicks they want to bang and c)other times they got totally drunk. I hung out with one of those people for a year before I got sober. He was the stereotype for the discussion topic variations above. Once, we were both hungover so he offered to make some food at his place. Then I saw he had multiple shelves full of history books. Asked him about those, whether he had read them. Affirmative. I'm a history buff, too - but the topic NEVER came up in the time period of a YEAR - all we were ever actually interested in was where the next drink was coming from.

My 2 cents. For me, a basic rule for activities is 'if it's not worth going to sober, it's not worth going to'. I have confused social life forboozing many times, they are not the same thing. And yes, I do also still romanticise some of those 'drunken highlights' at times, it seems to be a habit of ours.

But I also know that if not for the drink, I wouldn't have been in those 'holy cra****p, duude!' situations in the first place. For some, especially early recoverees, this might seem like a loss. Hand on heart, I would exchange all of those 'highlights' for sobriety and good health. That's not how life works, so I got those 'highlights' and bad health + cravings.

Take care, mate