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Old 05-29-2015, 11:33 AM
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Need help

Suffered back pain since mid twenties - put op off due to being scared

Finally did double disk replacement at 34.

It failed very badly leaving me unable to sit down - 1 minute of sitting gives 10 out 10 pain

Due to the fact I have not been able to sit down now for nearly a decade I had to use other areas to 'lean on' such as hips and sitting totally twisted

My back bottom middle and top is now totally wrecked

Along with my ankle and leg pain

The leg pain and the Middle of my back allow me to only stand or walk for small periods

Been trying for 8 years to find someone who will / can help - no joy

Depression I always denied in my head but it's crept up over those 8 years

Huge mortgage and small kids

Now... I obviously started with codeine and tramadol and lyrica - got dependent on the codeine

Then I was getting panic attacks and I got clonazepam- small amounts - I felt like I was enjoying my life for the first time in years - I got a source to get me more.....

Now the worst bit i used cocaine in my twenties didn't like drink much

2 weeks ago I got it for the first time in years and 1 line was great but as soon as the feeling dropped - well you know

Had to tell my poor wife I had a blip and locked myself in my room for the night - as I was totally ashamed as I knew how much it hurt her seeing me on it in my 20s

She was so understanding

I did it again today and when she came home needing sleep from teaching 33 kids and having fybromyalgia I had to take her aside and say I had done it again - she now challenged me and I agree - I take things to escape
I also had for about 6 months some mdma - never really bothered with it - I took it when the cocaine was finished as I was getting really badly depressed and or course that's what happens when the cocaine wears off - I couldn't cope so took it hoping it would help my suicidal thoughts (I would never actually do it - my children) it took ages I thought it was dud - I managed to open up to wife see above - an hour later back in my locked room of shame - I had a cig - then bang it's hit me like a truck

So yes I'm currently wired but the point is im dependent on anything to ease pain or help my mood - my wife again understands but it's now time - she said your not a drug addict as such your dependent on stuff to help your medical issues and it's doing anything but helying

Help
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:34 AM
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I know I'm currently under the influence - and have to talk clean or when not feeling so ashamed but I need help now
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:37 AM
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The first thing I'd say is welcome!

And talk to your doctor. Don't try to come off any substance till you've been honest with a doctor. It's just not worth the risk.

Once that's done, then it's staying clean that's the tricky part! Have you ever tried any kind of support groups in the community?
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:38 AM
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Can you find a way to do a surgical fix? There must be a way to fix the previous error - or a way to mitigate pain through acupuncture or exercise/physical therapy.

I'm sorry you're suffering, but lots of people with chronic illness and pain find ways to deal that don't include using mind-altering recreational drugs.

There is hope, you can put it down. How about counseling?
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:40 AM
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What part of the world are you in?
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
The first thing I'd say is welcome!

And talk to your doctor. Don't try to come off any substance till you've been honest with a doctor. It's just not worth the risk.

Once that's done, then it's staying clean that's the tricky part! Have you ever tried any kind of support groups in the community?
My doctors brilliant - I don't want to go down the official drug problem route incase I make it back to work - also a small amount of tramadol and some codeine do help when I'm at my worst - my wife agrees that's ok
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Can you find a way to do a surgical fix? There must be a way to fix the previous error - or a way to mitigate pain through acupuncture or exercise/physical therapy.

I'm sorry you're suffering, but lots of people with chronic illness and pain find ways to deal that don't include using mind-altering recreational drugs.

There is hope, you can put it down. How about counseling?
Done everything mate - I had pioneering surgery for Europe and since then all docs won't touch me as they don't know or fear they will make it worse - it can't get worse - im at the stage I would consider getting the spinal cord cut just above the main pain
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Sasha4 View Post
What part of the world are you in?
Ireland
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
The first thing I'd say is welcome!

And talk to your doctor. Don't try to come off any substance till you've been honest with a doctor. It's just not worth the risk.

Once that's done, then it's staying clean that's the tricky part! Have you ever tried any kind of support groups in the community?
I know you mean well

But I know all that I need help via talking to someone to get my head positive and start minimising my legal meds - only use them as a last resort the problem is my pain is so bad every day
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Old 05-29-2015, 11:56 AM
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You have a point though - and again I know - im at home alone all day and then wife and kids come in and I get panic attacks with playing with my kids ffs then come 8 I have to go to be bed and lay on my tummy but it's also an important excuse to vape cannabis - which is by far the best and numbing the pain - but I do it every night to help sleep even when I don't have great pain = dependent

I stop and start smoking all the time - that's the trigger - when I stop I get anxious and hell to live with so in comes the clonazepam
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:23 PM
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Why do you need to minimise your legal melds?
I don't understand?
Surely you need your legal pain meds reviewed to stop you using street drugs?
Many pain management patients self medicate with drugs and drink.
If you can be honest with a specialist chronic pain consultant they could try to help.
Pain drugs can wear off in the relief they give over time.
We build a tolerance to them and they need changing, or other drugs adding in.
Also, some of these drugs are addictive.
That is no slight against you.
It's just basic physiology and biology and pharmacokinetics.
It would happen if you are a 34 year old man or an 88 year old woman with a cat.

In the UK we have very few step 2 analgesia options for pain control.
There is the simple stuff (paracetamol etc) and the then the strong stuff like morphine.
There is not a huge amount of choice to prescribe in the middle.
However pain clinics are doing more and more therapies to help - both drug and no drug therapy.
There are new drugs coming out Too, but it takes time.

There is a very strong correlation between mood and coping with pain. I'm sure you know that.
Thinks like Lyrica can have an impact on mood too remember. It's not just the illicit drugs that cause mood d swings.
Prescription drugs can do too.
That's why a lot of anti-depressents are prescribed to chronic pain patients.
Better mood helps us to cope with pain.
Low mood can make pain insufferable.

You deserve a better quality of life than this, you really do.
You should not have to resort to using illegal drugs, especially if using them further conflicts you or makes you unhappy.

If you need someone to talk to we are here 24/7.
There is nothing we have not heard before.
It sounds like you have a lot going on, pain, young kids, financial commitment etc.

It also sounds like you are adding a heap of guilt onto this from the illicit drugs and I think you need to stop that and give yourself a break.

That's not condoning the drug use, but it's saying, mate you are having a hard time and you sound like you need support, not been made to feel bad. That includes making yourself feel bad or you punishing yourself.

You have got a lot going on.
2 kids and a big mortgage is enough without debilitating pain.
If you need to vent, vent away, we are all ears!

Have you searched the Internet for patient support groups for chronic pain patients too?
Are there any Internet forums for chronic pain of your type?

Could you ask for a referral to a different specialist?
Maybe a fresh pair of eyes might help?

Keep coming here.
Keep posting.
There will be a way through it.
It might not be a totally pain free life,but it could be a big improvement.

I wish you the best xx
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:25 PM
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Thanks so much for the last post
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:27 PM
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By the way, I was prescribed clonazepam long term.

I got up to a massive dose.
I was 'legally' addicted - in other words my doctor knew I would be addicted abut had no choice other than to prescribe it and me take it.

When it was time and I decided I wanted to stop it, I got myself off it in a week.
Not the easiest thing I have ever done, but I did it and survived!

There is also a difference in the terms 'tolerance' and 'addiction' in the medical community.
They mean different things.
Tolerance means you have to increase the dose of a drug to get the same or better relief of pain.

Addiction is using using the drug incorrectly and inappropriately-such as when you are not in pain, or to make you feel calm for example as opposed to when you need pain relief.
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:28 PM
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I have started a pain management program with a professor who has a great rep - he also has a degree in psychology - just started though and he has like 20 patients in the morning and 20 in the afternoon for injections to try and find pain - im waiting for next appointment to open up to him but it might be 3 months ��
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Sasha4 View Post
By the way, I was prescribed clonazepam long term.

I got up to a massive dose.
I was 'legally' addicted - in other words my doctor knew I would be addicted abut had no choice other than to prescribe it and me take it.

When it was time and I decided I wanted to stop it, I got myself off it in a week.
Not the easiest thing I have ever done, but I did it and survived!
I have huge panic attacks and also suffer when out of my house so rarely go out now - i don't take it everyday - perhaps 3 days a week when I know I need it to cope with something
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:45 PM
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Hence im saying addiction maybe not totally dependent on anything to numb pain - yes - and tramadol codeine clonazempam lyrica and cannabis and the **** today
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:47 PM
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Seems to me like some sort of medical detox is what is needed. There is just too much self medication with this and that. I think you need to start over and figure out what you really need under a doctors supervision who also understands addiction and addicts.
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Old 05-29-2015, 12:52 PM
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I think you need to get help with the panic before it escalates.
Your kids deserve a dad who will take them out and you deserve to enjoy life out of the house doing things that families do.

I would explain to the doctor about the panic attacks too.
He could then see if another drug might help better? Something like beta blockers?
He might want to run some blood tests and check the panic is not due to something like low iron levels etc.

Don 't hold back when you describe the impact this has on your life and your family.
It's 2015 - you deserve a pain free life. You r as near to one as you can get.
I think also you need to stop feeling guilty about your drug use, especially the prescription stuff..
Take it as prescribed, get your head in a good place, then work with your professor to come up with a plan of treatment.

If taking clonazepam is not for you and taking it makes you feel uneasy, then-that's important and needs to be addressed.

You are the one taking it and ultimately it's up to you. It's your choice.
In the UK, healthcare is heavily focused on 'no decision without me'
It's all about a good patient experience.
If your treatment is not up to scratch, you take control and push for better treatment or additional treatment.

3 months is a long wait.
Is there any chance you could pay and go private and get treatment quicker?
Or come to the UK for it.

In the UK we can choose who treats us end where.
Do you know what you can and can't do in terms of referral and treatment?
It's not complaining. It's not being pushy. It's you simply saying this life is unbearable, please can we explore avenues to see if I can be treated more quickly?

Don't be rude to them, don't be a 'problem' patient, but be honest and be firm in what you need.
If it makes you uneasy or scared, voice it to the prof and make new plans for managing the panic.

There is an, or at least was, an organisation called 'panic no more' in the UK.
Not sure if it's still around and how much help, or if you have used it before, but perhaps they could help if you have a Google of them?
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Old 05-29-2015, 01:34 PM
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Thankyou
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Old 05-29-2015, 04:36 PM
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Welcome to the forum anilated

D
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