Jalyn

I am on Day 3 and have not had a drink. The first two days were very easy. Today was slightly harder and now I am worried that the next few days will keep increasing in difficulty. I found myself doing what many on the boards that I have been reading have been experiencing or have experienced in the past.

All of the sudden, it seems that I don't have a problem anymore!! What was I thinking to think I could not control my drinking? These thoughts have been going through my head now for the past few hours. It gets harder and harder to convince myself that yes, I do have a problem.

Gladly, on Monday I wrote down every reason to quit along with every instance that would point the finger at me that oh yes...you DO have a problem!! I got it back out tonight and read over it....I am back to admitting that I was right the first time that I came out of hiding behind the wine glass and now recently the bottle. The cheap wine at 16 became lite beer at 18 became expensive wine at 26 back to lite beer at 38 (had a bad experience on very expensive red wine and did not only fall, but almost had to go to the hospital for stitches...I did quit drinking for awhile after that one...) to hard liquor at 40....could not go back to the wine but the beer just was not doing it for me anymore....to where I am now to rehashing all the bad things I have done when I have drank too much or when I REALLY only meant to drink 2 glasses of wine but drank the whole bottle...

Anyway, I am grateful I wrote this and WAY more down on paper...it makes it real and it makes it something I can refer back to.

I can't convince myself it is not true when it is all there in black and white.

Thanks for listening...j

Paulie

Jalyn -

Yep, putting things down on paper has saved my backend more than once in recovery. In rehab I learned to PMW in the morning, pray, meditate and write, I still do it today.

You are right, it might get worse before it gets better, but you know what? the worse is still better than using or drinking again. Our disease/head will try and convice us different like yours did telling you it really wasn't that bad. Keep that paper handy and read it often. And it is also very important to stay in today, not to think about not drinking tomorrow or the next day or next month, just stay in the present. Get through today first then go on.


Congrats on your Day 3, keep up the great work. We are all here doing the same thing, staying sober just one day at a time.

lulu70

Hey Jalyn--glad to hear you are still hanging on. It might get harder, it might get easier. I have found that my attitude has a lot to do with it. Like, if I wake up thinking, "what a crappy day...I don't want to go to work....my life sucks..." I usually have a crappy day, hate my job and my life does indeed suck. But if I try to think positive, things often go much better. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it helps. It is definitely worth a try.

That is your disease trying to get control of you again. Alcoholism is very sneaky. Remember, you DON'T have a problem as long as you don't pick up that first drink!

Keep holdin' on. It's almost bedtime. You can make it through the rest of today.

Hugs to you--

Sandy Marie

Hey Jalyn, :35:
Congrats on Day 3! I went through a weird rollercoaster ride about that time. Euphoric one minute....down in the dumps the next. I never want to go through that again. After several weeks, my emotions have stabilized some. Now I'm just pretty darn happy that I found SR and met the most excellent people in these posts. Glad you're here too. The teamwork here is outstanding and I can't leave this post now until I tell everyone how much I appreciate them.
Jalyn, you just keep on posting and writing. Hope to hear from you again soon.
Sandy

Jalyn

Thank you Sandie, Lulu and Paulie,

I am headed to bed and tomorrow will be better. I did not drink but am feeling angry that I can't. I will be over it in the morning. I will be back. It helps me so much to read, post and listen.

j