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Old 05-29-2015, 01:43 AM
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I'm sorry

Hello everyone,

I've tried not to post just to see how I got on trying to manage myself but I feel even more isolated by doing that so that's not going to work, I would most probably eventually drink.

I'm still not feeling like I'm in a very good place at present, I believe I'm still experiencing depression despite having medicine to aid recovery so that's one issue.

Another is work, I know I go on about it, but I'm struggling to manage. I'm late going in today and I feel very unhappy whilst I'm there. Since I met with my manager last week and they had concerns over my capability, my confidence has dipped. I'm also concerned as I'm getting very paranoid whilst at work. This is affecting my judgement and productivity. I'm also using avoidance and trying to escape situations to get through the day.

My relationship is not too good, there are regular arguments that just seem to start out of general frustration, it's like we don't understand eachother, I sometimes don't feel very safe at home, my girlfriend relies on me to do the shopping and make meals and I get the blame if neither are complete. I've tried to give space to my parents and not talk to them about my issues - I don't want to worry them. This causes a problem as I then turn to my girlfriend for support, she has her own issues to deal with.

I'm receiving CBT for social anxiety however I don't believe this is helping me. The therapist doesn't seem to offer up much in the way of advice on how to deal with my problems and I find myself just waffling on in the meetings as there doesn't really seem to be a structure.



I firmly believe that there is a guy inside me that is happy, healthy and ready to tackle life head on and enjoy each day.

I must have to do all this myself, it doesn't seem like much is working by trying to get support.

Has anyone got any advice for me? Anyone been here themselves?

Stewy
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Old 05-29-2015, 01:48 AM
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I'm really sorry you're still struggling Stewy.
I really believe there is a happy Stewy in there somewhere too.

About the only advice I can give you is never give up - sometimes it can take a lot to find a solution but I have faith the solution is there somewhere for you
D
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Old 05-29-2015, 02:27 AM
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How long have you been doing CBT? It can take awhile. Have you discussed your concerns with the therapist? Maybe you need to try a different person. Hang in there, Stewy!
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Old 05-29-2015, 03:40 AM
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Hi Stewy ,
I hope you keep at it .
I think for me the words of the serenity prayer come to mind .

There is an awful lot of our lives that is outside our control and sometimes when we are transforming ourselves internally like we do with sobriety , like a big tanker ship at sea the external change in the world takes quite some time to change direction even though we have moved ourselves .

With time and persistence things will change , sometimes i've found things like jobs and relationships have changed in ways i didn't expect , sometimes seeming bad at the time , but i've kept sober and stayed true and things have worked out ok .

Stay true to the course , keep on working on yourself and life , I find a gratitude list helps rally my spirits .

m
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Old 05-29-2015, 03:56 AM
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Stewy, do you feel that your job is too difficult for you? Or is it boring? Does it collide with your values? Analyzing what the problem is will help in finding a solution. More training? Look for a different job?

Do try to avoid conflict with your girlfriend. Do the shopping and meals.
And find something to look forward to at the end of the day after work and chores are done. Go for a walk, read a good book, or make plans to improve your situation. I have reinvented myself a couple of times during my career.
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:12 AM
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Stewy, take that entire paragraph you wrote about therapy and having trouble with waffling. Tell your therapist exactly what you told us. I had trouble with therapy and not feeling like I was getting much direction. I think if I had said as much it may have made a difference
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:26 AM
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Hey Stew,

Thanks for posting. Depression and anxiety are so difficult for people who do not experience them to understand. Maybe looking for a new job might be something you need to do if it clashes with your happiness, and makes you feel miserable.

I agree that bringing up your concerns with your therapist might help them to alter the approach they take with you, and if that fails, try another one. I have a new therapist that I am meeting with in a few weeks. I think she may be great, I try to remain hopeful even though I feel like crap sometimes.

Stick around and keep reading and sharing, this place is a big key to managing life in sobriety.
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:36 AM
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Stewy, I'm sure there is a happy, content person inside you who will find his way out.

Sadly, a lot of the 'work' of recovery we do have to do for ourselves. But, if you feel that the therapy is not useful, maybe consider trying a different therapist.
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:41 AM
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I can completely relate with this. Hang in there, Stewy.
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:46 AM
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I am sorry Stewy. I agree maybe try a new therapist. We don't click with everyone. May I ask why the shopping and meals are all your job?
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:57 AM
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Hang in there Stewy.

One thing I know is drinking won't help ANYTHING. We all know this, so please stay strong.

Glad you started posting again. For me at least, being as active as I can here on SR is a huge contributing factor in my sobriety.

Keep posting, give us a chance at helping where we can.

That's what this community is built around, helping each other.
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm really sorry you're still struggling Stewy. I really believe there is a happy Stewy in there somewhere too. About the only advice I can give you is never give up - sometimes it can take a lot to find a solution but I have faith the solution is there somewhere for you D
Thanks Dee, I will not give up. Whatever else happens, I have to maintain

1. Sobriety
2. Being a dad
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
How long have you been doing CBT? It can take awhile. Have you discussed your concerns with the therapist? Maybe you need to try a different person. Hang in there, Stewy!
Hi Myth,

Had 4/8 sessions now, I feel I need more pro- active advice, I don't want to cause offence to the lady who does it though. I'll have a chat with her on Tuesday
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
Hi Stewy , I hope you keep at it . I think for me the words of the serenity prayer come to mind . There is an awful lot of our lives that is outside our control and sometimes when we are transforming ourselves internally like we do with sobriety , like a big tanker ship at sea the external change in the world takes quite some time to change direction even though we have moved ourselves . With time and persistence things will change , sometimes i've found things like jobs and relationships have changed in ways i didn't expect , sometimes seeming bad at the time , but i've kept sober and stayed true and things have worked out ok . Stay true to the course , keep on working on yourself and life , I find a gratitude list helps rally my spirits . m
Thanks mecanix,

I did not envisage these issues occurring when I stopped drinking, I did think there would be progress yet I have stumbled. Perhaps I have to stumble before I can climb up again eh
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Stewy84 View Post
Thanks Dee, I will not give up. Whatever else happens, I have to maintain

1. Sobriety
2. Being a dad
Be thankful for your family. Some of us don't have that
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Stewy84 View Post
Hi Myth,

Had 4/8 sessions now, I feel I need more pro- active advice, I don't want to cause offence to the lady who does it though. I'll have a chat with her on Tuesday
The sessions aren't there to serve the lady who does it, they are for YOU. If you are not getting what you need from them, speak up and let her know. Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean.

Sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. Hugs!
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by GroundhogDay View Post
Stewy, do you feel that your job is too difficult for you? Or is it boring? Does it collide with your values? Analyzing what the problem is will help in finding a solution. More training? Look for a different job? Do try to avoid conflict with your girlfriend. Do the shopping and meals. And find something to look forward to at the end of the day after work and chores are done. Go for a walk, read a good book, or make plans to improve your situation. I have reinvented myself a couple of times during my career.
The job is full of basic tasks, a whole lot of them. Mix that with a lot of difficult situations to navigate and a lot of pressure both from my manager and the people I manage. It is extremely boring at times and then very stressful at other times. I'm feeling like I'm now marked due to talking to them about the spell of depression I experienced- 4 months off has really set me back.

I don't seem to have the energy to do anything when I return home
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:40 AM
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[QUOTE=Stewy84;5395349]Hello everyone,


I'm receiving CBT for social anxiety however I don't believe this is helping me. The therapist doesn't seem to offer up much in the way of advice on how to deal with my problems and I find myself just waffling on in the meetings as there doesn't really seem to be a structure.



Stewy,
I'm sorry that you are struggling. It is a shame that your entire support network seems, well, non-supportive. You cannot really change jobs right now, get a new girlfriend, or new parents. However, you can seek out a new therapist. That is one person who should be on your side and you should feel definitively that their presence in your life is helpful. Sometimes you have to go through a few therapist before you find one that you "click" with. I was lucky to land with my current therapist quite by happenstance. It was not until then that I realized my previous therapists were not doing their job, had no intuitive sense of my problems, and thereby were not able to help me. A therapist should be able to pull the words that help and be able to you tell exactly why "x, y and z" bother you and advise you how to get over the issues and how to circumvent the issues from happening again. Find a better therapist if at all possible. You need someone in your life who you know is in your corner and understands you. Good luck and take care.
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Old 05-29-2015, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
Stewy, take that entire paragraph you wrote about therapy and having trouble with waffling. Tell your therapist exactly what you told us. I had trouble with therapy and not feeling like I was getting much direction. I think if I had said as much it may have made a difference
Thanks Ruby, I'll talk to my therapist
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Old 05-30-2015, 04:07 AM
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This is exactly what I mean. I'm at my mum and dads at the moment, I can't really bring any of the issues up that are going on as my dad was just dismissive last time I mentioned anything.
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