A new try
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
A new try
Hello all,
This will be a longer post, but thanks in advance to those who bear with me.
Well, I fell off the wagon two days ago. Fell hard. After having slept the whole day yesterday, I was up all night and had a long long thinking session on what I want to come next.
Before I started on SR in March, I had no plan whatsoever on how to rebut cravings - heck I didn't even want to be fully sober, just wanted to 'find some way to moderate my drinking'. Obviously, that is never going to work for me. I was reluctant to say 'never', I am not reluctant anymore.
Looking at my two relapses, I can see an old pattern emerging. 69 days sober - relapse - 17 days sober - relapse. And now I'm here. By my own past statistics, I'm one drinking session away from going back to exactly how things were before joining SR, which means 2-3 times a week I'd be buzzed, with one of those probably being a binge where I get close to a black out or actually black out. This is not what I want my future to be. I have to break this cycle once and for all.
Some days before my first relapse, I felt the old feelings of depression I had a few years ago. Getting home from work, I could do nothing but to eat and go to sleep. My off days were spent in a somewhat lethargic state, barely getting out bed and if, then just to look into the distance on my balcony. Reason? Work. I was so happy when I got the job early this year, my first real job. And the work is interesting, no doubt about it. Problem for me is that I don't live in the same city where my workplace is, so every day, in total, it took me ca 4 hours for to-and-from. Leaving me no time for myself on weekdays. And it got to me. But the feelings of depression lied 'dormant', because I wasn't drinking. When I first relapsed, I probably opened the floodgates. The tiredness and sluggishness never really left after that, so another relapse was soon to follow. An extra stressor was the fact that, even though employed full-time, I can't afford to rent an apartment where my work takes place. So this is the situation right now. My plan?
I'm calling my psychiatrist today to make an appointment. A few years ago, her help took me to 9 months sober. Being cocky, I thought I was 'cured' and could go back to my old ways. I won't be making that mistake this time and follow her instructions to the T. I also had no support system back then, no one to turn to when feeling down or when battling cravings.
I will re-establish my daily meditation routine, 10 minutes in the morning, 15 before bed. It helped me get started when I awoke and fall asleep at night, because it cleared out the accumulated voices of the day.
In time, I want to establish a 35 min/day light exercise. The nature is beautiful where I live, so it should be pleasant for me to take long walks. I read in a book that the mental benefits from exercise have only a slight increase after the 250 minutes/week mark, so I would take that as my first target. I'm also overweight so hopefully it would benefit me in that category as well.
I will use EFT for my many anxiety issues. It has helped in the past. Matter of fact, it's what got me the momentary courage to pick up the phone and call the psychiatrist in the first place. Addicts are highly stigmatised where I reside. Everybody knows more people who died from drinking than those who got clean and another chance - mainly because people are scared to look for help.
I have informed my employer of my depression. We are to figure out a way for me to work from home in the near future, maybe indefinitely if things fall into place the correct way.
This is all for now. I will also look into urge surfing again. Whatever the underlying reason - why I relapsed twice, was because I caved during a craving. I need to be better equipped for that.
Thanks for reading and hopefully you can support me as I implement these changes and hope for the best. The whole SR family has been a great help indeed in figuring what I want my future to be like. Take care, all.
This will be a longer post, but thanks in advance to those who bear with me.
Well, I fell off the wagon two days ago. Fell hard. After having slept the whole day yesterday, I was up all night and had a long long thinking session on what I want to come next.
Before I started on SR in March, I had no plan whatsoever on how to rebut cravings - heck I didn't even want to be fully sober, just wanted to 'find some way to moderate my drinking'. Obviously, that is never going to work for me. I was reluctant to say 'never', I am not reluctant anymore.
Looking at my two relapses, I can see an old pattern emerging. 69 days sober - relapse - 17 days sober - relapse. And now I'm here. By my own past statistics, I'm one drinking session away from going back to exactly how things were before joining SR, which means 2-3 times a week I'd be buzzed, with one of those probably being a binge where I get close to a black out or actually black out. This is not what I want my future to be. I have to break this cycle once and for all.
Some days before my first relapse, I felt the old feelings of depression I had a few years ago. Getting home from work, I could do nothing but to eat and go to sleep. My off days were spent in a somewhat lethargic state, barely getting out bed and if, then just to look into the distance on my balcony. Reason? Work. I was so happy when I got the job early this year, my first real job. And the work is interesting, no doubt about it. Problem for me is that I don't live in the same city where my workplace is, so every day, in total, it took me ca 4 hours for to-and-from. Leaving me no time for myself on weekdays. And it got to me. But the feelings of depression lied 'dormant', because I wasn't drinking. When I first relapsed, I probably opened the floodgates. The tiredness and sluggishness never really left after that, so another relapse was soon to follow. An extra stressor was the fact that, even though employed full-time, I can't afford to rent an apartment where my work takes place. So this is the situation right now. My plan?
I'm calling my psychiatrist today to make an appointment. A few years ago, her help took me to 9 months sober. Being cocky, I thought I was 'cured' and could go back to my old ways. I won't be making that mistake this time and follow her instructions to the T. I also had no support system back then, no one to turn to when feeling down or when battling cravings.
I will re-establish my daily meditation routine, 10 minutes in the morning, 15 before bed. It helped me get started when I awoke and fall asleep at night, because it cleared out the accumulated voices of the day.
In time, I want to establish a 35 min/day light exercise. The nature is beautiful where I live, so it should be pleasant for me to take long walks. I read in a book that the mental benefits from exercise have only a slight increase after the 250 minutes/week mark, so I would take that as my first target. I'm also overweight so hopefully it would benefit me in that category as well.
I will use EFT for my many anxiety issues. It has helped in the past. Matter of fact, it's what got me the momentary courage to pick up the phone and call the psychiatrist in the first place. Addicts are highly stigmatised where I reside. Everybody knows more people who died from drinking than those who got clean and another chance - mainly because people are scared to look for help.
I have informed my employer of my depression. We are to figure out a way for me to work from home in the near future, maybe indefinitely if things fall into place the correct way.
This is all for now. I will also look into urge surfing again. Whatever the underlying reason - why I relapsed twice, was because I caved during a craving. I need to be better equipped for that.
Thanks for reading and hopefully you can support me as I implement these changes and hope for the best. The whole SR family has been a great help indeed in figuring what I want my future to be like. Take care, all.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Sounds like a great plan KK. I'm curious if you also have a plan such as AA or any other support group to help in your recovery? Also, did your psychiatrist prescribe any medication the first time around that helped with your depression and subsequently your alcoholism?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Originally Posted by Soberintexas007 
Sounds like a great plan KK. I'm curious if you also have a plan such as AA or any other support group to help in your recovery? Also, did your psychiatrist prescribe any medication the first time around that helped with your depression and subsequently your alcoholism?
The doc did prescribe medication. It was to help re-balance my brain chemicals? When I turned to her, I was so strung out from my bingeing that I couldn't sleep properly, so the meds were for that (not sleeping pills, though), nothing in particular for alcoholism.
The psychiatrist also treats people with food therapy, so she suggested I try a gluten free diet, because I was constantly sluggish and had frequent nagging headaches. It helped and I'm going back on it - no real point in following the diet, if you're knocking back beers ...
I think the meds implicitly helped with alcoholism, because when I was able to properly sleep, didn't feel sluggish due to the new diet, then I was better prepared for the ever so occuring onslaught of cravings.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Update: got the appointment set for late June, so it will be a bit of a waiting game for me. Will have to focus more on other areas of my plan until the time comes around. Left my contacts though, in case someone decides to be a 'no show' next week. The sooner, the better, but I hope everyone gets their chance to see this doc, because she is great at what she does
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
Hey kkik5 ....... I hear you loud and clear on the commute its a chronic stressor but looks like you got that covered. I'm on meds and I know they help me and w SR. added I've been able to abstain longer than ever before w very little pain so far. It's sounds like you got a good plan.....and the exercise will definetly help. You can do this you just needed some of your life back. You'll have more peace now. Thanks for posting and congratulations on your return.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Day 3. A totally sluggish day for me, sleepy all the time.
Did manage to read about urge surfing, though. Hopefully this more informed way of acting when cravings hit will prepare me better in dealing with them. Knowing that every time you fend one off, you have also weakened the old pathways that ultimately would lead you to relapsing.
Did manage to read about urge surfing, though. Hopefully this more informed way of acting when cravings hit will prepare me better in dealing with them. Knowing that every time you fend one off, you have also weakened the old pathways that ultimately would lead you to relapsing.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Kkiki5,
When you see your Dr. ask her about Naltrexone. It is used for relapse prevention....it reduces the cravings and urges. I have been using it for a couple of weeks now and can notice the difference! I didn't get any side effects from it either....well... except for sobriety. Best Wishes
When you see your Dr. ask her about Naltrexone. It is used for relapse prevention....it reduces the cravings and urges. I have been using it for a couple of weeks now and can notice the difference! I didn't get any side effects from it either....well... except for sobriety. Best Wishes
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Thanks for the advice, BBQ and thanks for the good wishes, Purpleknight 
I'll ask the doc when I go there, but I'm pretty reluctant to take a pill for everything. I still have almost a month until the appointment, I'll test urge surfing in the meanwhile. Right now I don't have any cravings, but it also very early and I'm sure they will eventually rear their ugly head
I'll ask the doc when I go there, but I'm pretty reluctant to take a pill for everything. I still have almost a month until the appointment, I'll test urge surfing in the meanwhile. Right now I don't have any cravings, but it also very early and I'm sure they will eventually rear their ugly head
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
End of Day 4. Well, early hours of Day 5.
Got a tiny bit of work done today. Sleeping regime is way off, I woke up at 1 a.m, stayed up till about four in the afternoon and then slept until midnight and now I'm up again. This is truly frustrating for me :/
Even when drinking, I never used it to 'fall asleep', it was always on for however long I managed to stay awake. And then pass out, not 'go to sleep'.
Any advice from someone who has struggled with falling asleep at the normal time? How did you manage to go from an owl to a normal and healthy 8-hour sleep?
Got a tiny bit of work done today. Sleeping regime is way off, I woke up at 1 a.m, stayed up till about four in the afternoon and then slept until midnight and now I'm up again. This is truly frustrating for me :/
Even when drinking, I never used it to 'fall asleep', it was always on for however long I managed to stay awake. And then pass out, not 'go to sleep'.
Any advice from someone who has struggled with falling asleep at the normal time? How did you manage to go from an owl to a normal and healthy 8-hour sleep?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Early hours of Day 6. Managed to get some work done, even though it is the middle of the night.
The 'still not sleeping right' thing is getting on my nerves big time. It hasn't spurred any intention of drinking, though. Know full well that alcohol wouldn't help with the sleeping anyways.
I will catalogue my ups and downs in this thread, so I can return and re-read the entries later on. See whether there has been progress and what needs to be changed, if there is none.
The 'still not sleeping right' thing is getting on my nerves big time. It hasn't spurred any intention of drinking, though. Know full well that alcohol wouldn't help with the sleeping anyways.
I will catalogue my ups and downs in this thread, so I can return and re-read the entries later on. See whether there has been progress and what needs to be changed, if there is none.
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