An Unexpected Discovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lexington, KY
Posts: 2
An Unexpected Discovery
I wasn't sure where to post this... or if there's even a forum for this type of question? Anyway, if one of the moderators could move this post to the appropriate forum that would be great! 
So.. I found out today that my dad is a drug dealer. He's growing two huge (4 foot tall) marijuana plants in my parents' garage. Obviously this has been going on for a while.
How I found out: my 16-year-old sister (who'd never seen marijuana before) found the plants and asked me what they were.
My mother - who's disabled - claims she had no part in this but that the drugs are my father's decision. She refuses to help me convince him to get the drugs out of the house, though. They have a rocky relationship anyway and are on the verge of divorce.
When I told my mother about my "discovery" she tried to shift the blame, telling my sister and I that were are at fault for "snooping around where we don't belong" and "you shouldn't even know what pot looks like."
Like most people here, I have done my share of drugs. I quit months ago and plan on staying clean. But now I feel like my family life has been a lie. The very same parents who taught me that "drugs are bad" when I was a child and told me I was a "bad daughter" for doing them as a teenager have apparently been dealing them behind-the-scenes for some time.
And more than anything, I'm worried about what this could mean for my sister. She's already an angry, rebellious teen - how is she supposed to respect or listen to anything my parents say given this kind of information? She's very confused and upset about it herself. And because I don't live with them, she's stuck home alone with a disabled mother and a father who doesn't provide any kind of solid parental role.
Things are very unstable at the moment and I feel they're only going to get worse. This places my family in an even more precarious situation.
I'm ready to just give up. What should I do now? How do I get my father to clean his act up and be the responsible parent our family needs now?
So.. I found out today that my dad is a drug dealer. He's growing two huge (4 foot tall) marijuana plants in my parents' garage. Obviously this has been going on for a while.
How I found out: my 16-year-old sister (who'd never seen marijuana before) found the plants and asked me what they were.
My mother - who's disabled - claims she had no part in this but that the drugs are my father's decision. She refuses to help me convince him to get the drugs out of the house, though. They have a rocky relationship anyway and are on the verge of divorce.
When I told my mother about my "discovery" she tried to shift the blame, telling my sister and I that were are at fault for "snooping around where we don't belong" and "you shouldn't even know what pot looks like."
Like most people here, I have done my share of drugs. I quit months ago and plan on staying clean. But now I feel like my family life has been a lie. The very same parents who taught me that "drugs are bad" when I was a child and told me I was a "bad daughter" for doing them as a teenager have apparently been dealing them behind-the-scenes for some time.
And more than anything, I'm worried about what this could mean for my sister. She's already an angry, rebellious teen - how is she supposed to respect or listen to anything my parents say given this kind of information? She's very confused and upset about it herself. And because I don't live with them, she's stuck home alone with a disabled mother and a father who doesn't provide any kind of solid parental role.
Things are very unstable at the moment and I feel they're only going to get worse. This places my family in an even more precarious situation.
I'm ready to just give up. What should I do now? How do I get my father to clean his act up and be the responsible parent our family needs now?
Castaway
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 783
Hi Kal,
That's a rough deal you're in and you must feel like things are out of control. I'm every bit as guilty as your parents as I put my children in the same situation. Fortunately, they had wonderful role models outside of family and the much-debated DARE program. My children scolded and chided me regularly as they grew up. I know I embarrassed them at times, but most of the time I was good attentive mother. I did my best to hide my addiction from the outside world...but not always successful. Finally, I got really sick of being tormented by alcohol and I chose to quit using it and my use of alcohol has dropped dramatically. My children have gone off to college now and I think they are relieved that they didn't leave home before I had seen the light. So you see...Kal...everyone must make the decision to quit using on their own. You included. Don't give up. Addictions can be a lifelong fight and you don't want to waste your precious life worrying and not being all that you were meant to be. You sound like a gutsy person. Find positive role models in your life and help your sister do the same. It's for the best.
Sandy
That's a rough deal you're in and you must feel like things are out of control. I'm every bit as guilty as your parents as I put my children in the same situation. Fortunately, they had wonderful role models outside of family and the much-debated DARE program. My children scolded and chided me regularly as they grew up. I know I embarrassed them at times, but most of the time I was good attentive mother. I did my best to hide my addiction from the outside world...but not always successful. Finally, I got really sick of being tormented by alcohol and I chose to quit using it and my use of alcohol has dropped dramatically. My children have gone off to college now and I think they are relieved that they didn't leave home before I had seen the light. So you see...Kal...everyone must make the decision to quit using on their own. You included. Don't give up. Addictions can be a lifelong fight and you don't want to waste your precious life worrying and not being all that you were meant to be. You sound like a gutsy person. Find positive role models in your life and help your sister do the same. It's for the best.
Sandy
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Kal -
I agree with Sandy. There is nothing you can do to make your father a better role model for your sister. The only thing you can do is be there for her, be an example of a good solid sober person for her.
I wish you all the best. As and addict yourself, you know you are powerless over this situation.
I agree with Sandy. There is nothing you can do to make your father a better role model for your sister. The only thing you can do is be there for her, be an example of a good solid sober person for her.
I wish you all the best. As and addict yourself, you know you are powerless over this situation.
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