Bad move... Feeling stupid.
 

Hi friends,

So I'm not that long in recovery ( 3 months )
A man who I dated several years ago and ripped my guts out contacted me and said he would like to give it another go. I was hesitant of course but took a leap of faith. Everything was going so well and he was being a perfect gentleman...... Then..... In the space of 2 days, " his feelings changed" and he needed to think about it again. I can't believe I fell for it again and am finding the hurt so hard to sit with. My life was so in balance with meetings, church, my son etc and I shuffled all of it around to fit him in. He knew all about my recovery but seemed to think it might be a good idea to mess with me again. I just had to get that off my chest.... Thanks for listening. :react

These things happen.
we can learn from them and use them as teachers . Im sorry though he seems a Lil self centered . My ex texted me with a bunch of craziness last night and I had to shut it down right away , he told me I was being mean and I didn't care . But I know it's in my best interest to stand up for myself and not to kid myself about things changing when he has shown zero change in his behavior

Sorry to hear that you are being caused pain and concern. But, know that you need to be able to express yourself and it is okay. Just don't drink. :)

You're not stupid. You just gave the relationship another go and found out it's not to be. If you hadn't given it a go you'd probably have invested lots of energy into wondering what might have been.

I think perhaps the way to make this okay is to accept what happened, and NOT spend lots of energy forming resentments against him, or against yourself.
That energy can be so much better used in having fun with your kids; helping out a friend; going for a run; doing some gardening - pretty much anything rather than being anxious or resentful about something that can't be changed.

Take care - give yourself a hug and think what a lucky escape you had. xxx

Dating can be a bit*h. More so with exes youre not over with. Try not to think about it. The best way to get over an ex is to date. Keeps you busy and not think about them.

I had a similar experience recently. I reconnected with an ex (with whom I had had a challenging relationship, and who it had been difficult to break up with because I had strong feelings). It started out very connective, loving, and - most of all - familiar. Just last week, he pulled away and announced that he wasn't sure he wanted a serious relationship at all.

I agree with BeccyBean's comment, that at least I know for sure that this isn't for me. I had left last time because of the same push-pull behaviors. I had hoped that he had grown "ready" in the intervening time. He hadn't. I do still love him, but I have different aspirations for relationship - I want something in which I feel safe and chosen. I've had my share of "romantic friendships" without any commitment or intimacy, and that isn't what I want anymore.

At first I also felt "tricked." But after considering it over this last weekend, I believe that his feelings are genuine, but that he has barriers to intimacy that I may never understand. This is the challenge for me - to accept that I might not be able to understand his beliefs, behaviors, or priorities, and to be ok with this.

I'm exploring my own possibilities and creating my life. Revisiting an old relationship, just to be sure, isn't something I want to feel guilt or shame or pain about. People do it all the time; sometimes it is a magical reconnection, but more often (probably) one finds that many of the same dynamics are in place, and even though you can feel much change within, it takes two to rewrite a love story.

Consider it extra practice in letting go of outcomes. Being optimistic and hopeful is not a bad thing. You can name what you're feeling "disappointment" rather than "being taken advantage of."

It sounds like you're actively building a positive and connected life for yourself. Just consider this a blip of "revisiting to be sure" and keep on with all the activities that make you feel good about yourself.

Thanks Guys. You and my AA comrades are my people. I lost sight of that for a second there. I went there tonight to drop back the keys he just had cut for me ( why, I'll never know ) and I did say.... I'm hurt but I'm strong and you are not worthy of my time, my company, my emotions and most importantly rent free space in my head. :thanks

Thank you so much HC. That pretty much sums it up. :thanks

Sometimes these yo-yo experiences Come around to help us bring clarity to areas of our lives that we still have haziness...

Perhaps the pain and sadness of this experience could also be a gift with the help of a little reflection and curiosity....

'What have I learned from this? What might I see more clearly? What values have taken a sharper focus in this light? What might I know now that I was unsure of before?

I'm really sorry that happened to you ShaysMum but I'm glad you're back with us :)

D

I'm really sorry that you were hurt again by this guy. It sounds like you're getting through it and will be ready to move on. Clearly this guy doesn't deserve you.