NENEGIRL

Hi, After relapsing I am new to recovery again and wondering about changing friends. I have different groups of friends. Some groups have non drinkers as well as drinkers (social drinkers) and some groups drink a lot and activities seem to revolve around drinking. So I am wondering if someone in recovery should not be associating with any drinkers at all. I find this difficult because it seems that most people drink and just a few do not. Any thoughts???

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you're doing well.

I had to stay away from people and places where alcohol was involved for many months in early recovery. I think you need to find what works for you. I think that it's best to avoid alcohol-based activities and you might find that you become less interested in being around people who are drinking. It's good that you are aware.

Venecia

Good to have you here, Nenegirl.

Friends are an important part of our lives. Friendships also can prove challenging when time spent with drinking friends gives rise to temptation. You may well need to spend time apart from those for whom drinking is a must at every gathering. When it comes to friends with normal drinking habits -- meaning they don't need to drink to have fun -- think of alternative ways to be together. How about getting together at a coffee house for some music? Or a relaxing walk? There are a lot of ways to have fun without drinking.

This early on, my recommendation is that you not spend any time around alcohol. Too much mental energy is consumed by being around what you cannot take part in. We have had folks in early recovery "cave" when their resolve gets worn down in social settings.

It also is an opportunity to deepen friendships with people who do not drink. This can help provide you with social opportunities that present no challenges to your sobriety.

greens

Eventually I wanted to find new friends bc most of mine drank a lot. It took a long time, and was very lonely at times , but I found that it was more enjoyable to be around other clear minded folk

Ruby2

Hi nenegirl. I did what the above people suggested. I also found as time went on that I didn't really want to hang out with people at places where alcohol was the primary focus. It wasn't interesting anymore.

Welcome to SR! There's a lot of good support and suggestions.

Debbie329

I'm definetly changing my friends....it's absoluty no fun to watch people get drunk. What they think is not cute funny or interesting. You'll be trying to run away. What I do if I go to something iffy is bring my own vehicle. I would do that as a minimum if it was me.

CaseyW

Welcome to SR, NENEGIRL. I moved to a new town two years ago and have done almost all of my drinking here at home in isolation. So all of my drinking buddies are a minimum of 100 miles away at the moment. But I would think it's a good idea to steer clear of active drinkers and the places where active drinkers congregate.

I will say that you might be surprised with a little recovery time under your belt to discover that it's not true that most people drink. We as alcoholics just tended to associate with other drinkers. Birds of a feather. There are many many people leading active happy lives where alcohol plays no significant role at all.

I hope you'll stick around and post here often. There's a ton of great wisdom and support to be found here. Wishing you the best tonight!

Dee74

Hi Nenegirl - welcome

Most of my friends (at least by the end) drank like I did.
I needed support to stay sober - only a few of those guys supported me...the rest simply had to go..

I did find support from other friends tho - friends who drank normally or not at all.

I stayed away from events where alcohol was a theme for a few months. I wasn't a hermit - I went to the movies,. had coffee dates, picnics, or walks etc...I did some volunteering too.

I think that time away from alcohol was a great investment

D

GnikNus

I've spent time away from old friends these last six months. I spent time with them socially for the first time in awhile two nights ago. It was the first time I'd been around people drinking for 6 months. Since the focus was the booze people were guzzling, it was unexciting to me (I would have been neck and neck with them 7 months ago). It was odd. Everyone was reeking of booze ( I never notice the smell before), acting over-exuberantly, swaying/slurring, etc. I can tell that I'll see them from time to time, but not that much anymore- at least I'll see them in more daytime/ non- drinking contexts. It's ok to take a break- temporarily or otherwise- from friends who center their lives and activities around drinking.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum NENEGIRL!!