CeeFarro

Today is my 29th day sober. I never thought I would be capable of leaving the booze alone for a few days let alone 29. The support here on SR has meant so much to me. Even if I am not posting a lot, I am here logging in and reading your stories and comments. It is comforting and inspiring.

So yesterday was very emotional (to say the least). My behavior was reminiscent of Bette Davis in "What ever happened to Baby Jane"?. Laughing one minute and crying and screaming the next.

My husband was home for 9 days, which is a long stay home for him. He has been sober now for almost 7 months. He left back for work Saturday at midnight and I was alone again.

Sunday morning I was an emotional rollercoaster and my AV was the strongest it has ever been. I packed my car up and decided I was going to drive 12 hours to western Oregon to see my son,mom and friends.

I drove around for a good hour avoiding the highway with my suitcase and dogs in my Suby. Not able to decide if leaving was the best choice. Was I running away? Am I setting my self up to drink?

I ended up at a park in a near by town to let my dogs out and think for a few. My boss called from the bar where I work and I answered. She has been trying to get me to stay bartending and even though I put in my notice she has me on the schedule and is guilt tripping me.

Instead of being civil and grown up, I flipped out on her. Like really flipped out. I tried to explain to her nicely why I can't work there any more and she kept trying to manipulate me. I got mean and nasty.

I ended up driving back home, unpacking my car and chain smoking on the deck. I was fantasizing about cheap, cold pinot grigio for some reason. I could taste it and was fully triggered. I almost caved..

After I calmed down I got on the phone to a sober friend in California and logged on to SR.

So I didn't drink. I am a little embarrassed by my behavior but I did not drink.

Are these mood swings normal?!

buk1000

You handled that very well CeeFarro. I don't know if the mood swings are normal, but I certainly went through them in the first months of sobriety. Hang in there, 29 days is really great.

CaseyW

Congrats on 29 days. I'm on day 18 and my emotions have definitely been up and down and all around.

Why can't you make that trip to Oregon only maybe with a little more planning instead of spur of the moment like yesterday?

CeeFarro

I think I will.. When my husband is home so I can leave the dogs at home where they are happy and I can fly instead of drive. I also drank a lot in Oregon and have many ghosts there, so it feels a little sketchy

CaseyW

Gotcha. I decided a couple of years ago to only travel to my home town, which was the main battleground for the worst of my drinking stories, for short one day only in the daytime trips. Removes a lot of temptation to be the returning barfly hero. But of course it's only 2 hours from me, not 12.

Sidenote: I've been to Oregon many times but never Idaho. Have an ex-girlfriend who I'm still friends with who lives in Coeur d'Alene. She's got more than three years sober now and is very active in the rooms of NA and AA there. Though I've taken myself off Facebook for a while, I always loved seeing her pictures of the country there. Very different from flat boring nothing but dirt West Texas where I live.

CeeFarro

CDA is the big city and about 3 hours away. I'm in Idaho County.. Biggest town is 3,000 people, no Walmart, fast food or Redbox here and one stop light in the whole county..I am about a half hour from town. It is paradise but can get a little lonely..CDA is beautiful though and it has good restaurants! I miss going out to eat! lol

site1Q84

I'm definitely having some mood swings...

I think, on top of that, I'm just not good at dealing with my emotions yet. Before, if someone annoyed me I would just have a drink and ignore it. Now we have to face it, head on. I also have some selfish, manipulative people in my life and I'm finding that type to be the most difficult so far. I try to give myself a but of a break and just remember that I'm kind of new at all these feelings and emotions.

I think once you get used to them and recognizing what is what and what's really bothering you it will be easier to sort out. Like everything else with sobriety, I think it just takes time.

Dee74

Congrats on your approaching 30 days Cee.

The wild mood swings should start to level off about now - and as for your ex boss if she was trying to manipulate you, sounds like you responded in a way that means she won't phone anymore

D

least

Yes, mood swings are common in early recovery. Stay sober and treat yourself well. They will subside with more sober time.

Ruby2

My moods were all over the place. I had a few episodes of screaming and crying about work related stuff. My emotions settled down eventually. I still have issues once in a while but I'm better able to handle it and you did alright yourself.

Reaching out here helps put into words what I've been thinking. Congratulations on 29 days! That's awesome.

CeeFarro

Thank you! It is just now hitting me that I took away alcohol and got through the withdrawls.. now I am left dealing with me...and I don't really know what I am doing. I am angry, hyper sensitive and distant at times. Sometimes I just cry for no apparent reason..I have had a lot of ****** things happen over the years and drank through all of it. I have some heavy stuff going on currently as well..I guess I am not used to feeling these feelings. The good thing is that it will change and pass as long as I don't drink..I want to grow and evolve..I don't want to be stunted anymore. I am scared but am excited for things to come. Right now I am just hanging on for the ride..

CaseyW

30 days today! Congratulations!

CeeFarro

Thank you Casey! Woot woot

Della1968

Girl don't worry I was like Sybil still am sometimes but it is much better ( at least most of my personalities think so) you did good! Congrats on the 30 days.

Dee74

Congratulations on 30 Cee

D

Angie247

You are doing so well! I have been really emotional the past few days and a lot more irritable than usual. Congratulations on your 30 days!!

Cauliflower

Whoot whoot 30 days is awesome! My mood swings have not been over the top, just getting extra grouchy in the evenings, but that's getting better lately. I'm sure the moods will get better soon. It sounds like you need a mini vacation. i Maybe you can plan a weekend away with a sober or non drinking friend to chill out somewhere. I usually go away by myself with a close friend who has always been a non drinker, at least once a year, its just a nice break from life's responsibilities. I too miss just going out for dinner on the spur of the moment, lol, living in the middle of no where is kinda lonely, but its so ppeaceful. No big city stress and noise.

Lily123

Nice job Cee=) Glad to see you back in the April thread!

Saliena

Great job on not drinking.. and the title of this post is exactly where I was my first 2 years sober. It does get better... alittle less cra-cra at a time.

ArtFriend

Just don't serve your husband a parakeet for dinner.

Congrats on not drinking.