Kamie1

Two weeks sober and I fell off the wagon majorly yesterday.

It was my wedding anniversary, I knew it was going to be a difficult day considering we only divorced a couple of weeks ago and I thought I was prepared, how wrong I was!

I wasn't ready for the amount of pain that it brought. I can deal with sad, lonely and angry but pain...

I'm feeling so disappointed in myself and I'm smothered with guilt and shame. I know I have a problem but yet I chose to drink. I handled my pain in a way that helped contribute to the demise of my marriage. I just want to be free of this

It's going to be a long talk with my therapist this week.

Flawed

You didn't fail, you came back here, you have a therapy appointment. Keep taking steps, you'll get there.

Hevyn

I'm glad you haven't given up Kamie. It's such a relief when we finally admit that drinking does not help us cope - it just adds to our anxiety. Maybe you'll be even more determined now. We're with you.

Hope2014

Well the good news is you can start again tomorrow and keep moving forward. I too went through a divorce that had my self esteem in the gutter, and so I replaced the feelings by being numb from drinking.
The only thing that passed was time and further down the rabbit hole I went.
What I finally realized was that I had to like myself first. Respect myself and be proud of myself. For every negative thought you have about your current situation, find 2 things to be grateful for. It will get easier with time.
You have a lot of support here.

greens

It sounds like you are going through a very rough time , but you are reaching out and talking about it

CaseyW

Glad you made it back in, Kamie1. Hope you'll join us in the Class of May 2015 thread. It's a great place to get some regular support and wisdom from others who are also in early sobriety.

Kamie1

Thank you for letting me see that. I just thought that I would stop drinking and that would be that. I've been given a lot of therapy technics to do when the feeling hits but I only half heartedly did them, although I at least know what kicked it off this time.
They say knowlage is power.
I just can't shake the I screwed up this is never going to work feeling!

Kamie1

Thank you all. I knew that I should have just come on here yesterday but chose not to. Seriously, I can't be trusted with my own life.
I have come clean about my drinking to a couple of friends and they have been so supportive but there on the other side of the world.
I'm wondering if I should bite the bullet and go to rehab. My therapist suggested it, but I think he was looking for ways to help me avoid jail time for my DUI. I'm not entirely sure if rehab is for binge drinkers who aren't physically dependant. I have insurance that covers it. The only thing really stopping me is having no sick days at work and no savings.

CaseyW

Rehab is for anyone with a problem with alcohol or other drugs. Yes, alcohol is a drug. Binge drinkers, everyday drinkers, moms, dads, bums, cheerleaders, CEOs, housewives, mechanics, etc.

If you have the option to go to rehab and your therapist thinks you should, I think you should discuss it some more with them and give it some serious consideration.

least

I kept failing until I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. And I've been sober almost five and a half years now.

Dee74

Try not to beat yourself up too much Kamie.

You came right back and you can build a better recovery plan this time

do you any ideas about a better plan?
D

hugsandcupcakes

All you can do is forgive yourself and move forward! ❤️

Kamie1

I'm not really sure at this point. I know with the stress of the divorce and this DUI, I am pretty depressed again and things seem to be falling apart no matter how hard I try.
I'm going to bite the bullet and go to the Dr's this morning and see what she thinks about more anti depresents, I hate them but they were invaluable the last time.
I'm back at my therapist on Thursday, so I'll see what he says.
I think half of my issue is that I don't have a large support network. I live on the other side of the world to most of my friends and family, I have nobody to be accountable to, weather this is a major factor I don't know. I'm a Christian, so I'm accountable to God and He's with me, but that doesn't seem to stop me either!

CaseyW

You've got a worldwide support network that is available 24/7 right here, Kamie.

Glad you're going to the doctor. Let us know how it goes please.

Thepatman

I for one understand how easy it is to let our guard down, then first thing we know is bam! Back on the crazy train.

Good news is that you are here, so dust yourself off and attack this with a different angle. And have plans for dealing with the AV when it shows up.

ArtFriend

Maybe you can get some support from the church? Like the others said, as long as you care and are taking steps, you have not failed. Stumbled, not fallen.