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You know you've binged too many times when...

Old 05-24-2015, 12:05 PM
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You know you've binged too many times when...

When you know full well what's coming. It's like you're a high speed train, barrelling along at 200km/h with a massive cement wall in front. You know full well you're going to hit that wall at top speed, and you know it's going to bloody hurt when you do, but you keep going anyway.

Us alcoholics are a funny breed, aren't we?
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Old 05-24-2015, 12:13 PM
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My life was sorta like "groundhog day" for a long time, very predictable, the same routine over and over, round in circles with good intentions and hung over days!!

But the cycle can be broken, we don't have to keep going round the merry-go-round of alcohol!!
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Old 05-24-2015, 12:22 PM
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We all have our demons in life. We have alcohol, other have food, work or anything else that is not health in life. But I completely understand what you mean.
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Old 05-24-2015, 12:25 PM
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Yep, that's me TroyW. Everytime, why don't we learn.
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Old 05-25-2015, 09:50 PM
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And here the cement wall comes...

*sigh*
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Old 05-25-2015, 09:55 PM
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You can swerve away any time Troy. There's lots of tools and tips here

whats got you all het up?

D
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Old 05-25-2015, 10:23 PM
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This post reminded me of an old Looney Tunes cartoon moment:



Don't be the Coyote painting that false wall. Be the Roadrunner who finds a way thru this moment. You don't have to drink today. No matter what. You don't have to run into that wall.

Post in here every minute if you have to, but don't listen to your addiction please. We're here for you!
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Old 05-25-2015, 10:38 PM
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I'm tired of being different is what it is. I'm sorry, but I am, and have been told that all throughout my life since I can remember at about 3 years old.

It's great in a way though, you know? There's been loads of times in life where people have said I'm one of the most amazing, loving, down to earth, intelligent people they've ever met, etc. I've also accomplished some pretty good sized feats in my life. I remember starting my first company... disappeared on everyone, because I knew nobody would understand. Rented the cheapest apartment I could find in a slum area, and banged out the new company. 4 months later, went from $0 to $35,000/month, while sleeping on a deflated air mattress.

I just don't know. There's a side of me that's capable of some truly amazing feats. Then there's the other side that's capable of being a homeless drunk. Even at 33, I still haven't figured out how to harness this energy. I really need to figure that out, because I'm certain I can do a lot of good for this world. I really do want to help others, because I now I have the capability to do so.

It's not just being a drunk, but also being different. Everyone seems to be content in their day-to-day lives, whereas that just brings such an unease to me, that there's no way I could do that in life, if that makes any sense. I need to do more.

I don't know, I'm drunk... I highly doubt I'm explaining myself properly. My apologies in advance.
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Old 05-25-2015, 10:44 PM
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I think you might be subconsciously thinking this is as good as it gets Troy?
It's not - but it takes a little while.

Most of us are not noted for our patience - but patience is what we need.

You're rebuilding a life, and like most of us you're now dealing with some pretty long held stuff that you used to drink to push down.

That takes time.

You need a certain amount of faith when oldies like me tell you it gets better - but it does - it really does

D
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Old 05-25-2015, 10:47 PM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
I'm tired of being different is what it is. I'm sorry, but I am, and have been told that all throughout my life since I can remember at about 3 years old.

It's great in a way though, you know? There's been loads of times in life where people have said I'm one of the most amazing, loving, down to earth, intelligent people they've ever met, etc. I've also accomplished some pretty good sized feats in my life. I remember starting my first company... disappeared on everyone, because I knew nobody would understand. Rented the cheapest apartment I could find in a slum area, and banged out the new company. 4 months later, went from $0 to $35,000/month, while sleeping on a deflated air mattress.

I just don't know. There's a side of me that's capable of some truly amazing feats. Then there's the other side that's capable of being a homeless drunk. Even at 33, I still haven't figured out how to harness this energy. I really need to figure that out, because I'm certain I can do a lot of good for this world.

It's not just being a drunk, but also being different. Everyone seems to be content in their day-to-day lives, whereas that just brings such an unease to me, that there's no way I could do that in life, if that makes any sense. I need to do more.

I don't know, I'm drunk... I highly doubt I'm explaining myself properly. My apologies in advance.
Hey TroyW,

We are all unique. That is what makes us special. It would be pretty boring if we were all the same mate.

I want you to go back and read what you have just posted. Then go read Thomas' posts from the weekend. Then come back and read what you have just posted. You see where this is going?

Everyone has problems in their day to day lives mate. What wouldn't I give for contentment.

I reckon, throw the booze out. Get some sleep and get back on your bicycle.

Come on mate, you can do this.

Cheers,

ZAB
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Old 05-25-2015, 11:11 PM
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Hi Troy,

It sounds like you are on the cusp of a personal breakthrough. For years, Alcohol broke up the time flow of being able to truly feel good about myself and where I was heading.

Like learning to drive stick it was 'stop, go, stop, go' so that there were so few continuous moments where I could explore and reconcile even one single fallacy related to my personal capacity and worth.

Put the alcohol down and the right questions and answers will come.
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Old 05-26-2015, 09:41 AM
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Neighbour e-mailed me today, giving me some life advice. He has the house across the street from me, but only lives there 3 months out of the year -- he's back in Canada right now, while his wife and kid live at the house. He gave me some herbal advice because according to him I suffer from depression, then told me instead of renting two houses I should put that money into buying new teeth.

Not sure if I should be grateful or pissed off. On one hand, thanks for thinking about me, dude. On the other hand, mind your own business. You have a wife and kid across the street to take care of. Worry about them, not me.

Went to the shops today, and a couple guys from the neighbourhood pulled me in, poured me a whiskey, and we started chatting. At first, the one guy was just trying to sell me some reverse osmosis machine for $300, but wasn't able to show me it working. Apparently, he can show me how it works next week.

Then he proceeds to offer to sell me cocaine, MDMA, and 15 year old girls for sex. WTF? Am I really in such a rough shape that I look like someone who does MDMA, and has sex with underage kids? I mean... I'm lost for words on that one.
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Old 05-26-2015, 09:47 AM
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I can relate to a lot of what you say, Troy. I hope you are feeling better and can get rid of whatever alcohol you may have left. We're here for ear lending and whatnot whenever
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Old 05-26-2015, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
It's not just being a drunk, but also being different. Everyone seems to be content in their day-to-day lives, whereas that just brings such an unease to me, that there's no way I could do that in life, if that makes any sense. I need to do more.
I can't tell you much this resonates with me. I have no idea how to "just be". Like, none. I have never been able to just relax at home or take it easy or whatever that's called. I don't know if this is a common theme among alcoholics but I would like to know how others deal with this.
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Old 05-26-2015, 09:53 AM
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Troy - you are in a bad way lately. Drinking and hangin' with people of ill repute. What's happening?
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Troy - you are in a bad way lately. Drinking and hangin' with people of ill repute. What's happening?
No worries about those guys. They just own the mechanic shop around the corner. They're nobodies, and I'll beat them off with a stick from here on in after today's little encounter. I'm honestly in a really good area though, surrounded by good people. They're the odd ones out.

Honestly? I'm scared, because I don't know how to go about this. I want to be sober, I really do. I just don't know where to source the strength to do it. I do know it takes more than self will though. You need a support network of some kind in place, but I've isolated myself so much due to my alcoholism, there is none.

I'm 12,000kms from any family member, was in a 3 year relationship here which ended, so now I live alone with a couple dogs. I know the language well enough to get around without problem, but not enough to have a relaxed, fluent conversation. No true friends to speak of.

Even if my family was around, aside from my dad, they're all a bunch of alcoholics themselves anyway. They're all rich though. Parents are millionaires, and brothers are making over $200k/year, so what hell, drink up I guess. I'm the odd one out, as I didn't go into the oil patch. Nonetheless, even if around them, I doubt they'd be of any help.

I don't know. Keep drinking until my liver gives out I guess.
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:27 AM
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Troy, I think alcoholism likes us to believe that we are backed into a corner. But there is a solution, and it just involves a few days of discomfort. Do you think you might need in-patient detox?
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:27 AM
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I don't think that's really what you want to do.
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Old 05-26-2015, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
Honestly? I'm scared, because I don't know how to go about this. I want to be sober, I really do. I just don't know where to source the strength to do it. I do know it takes more than self will though. You need a support network of some kind in place, but I've isolated myself so much due to my alcoholism, there is none.

I'm 12,000kms from any family member, was in a 3 year relationship here which ended, so now I live alone with a couple dogs. I know the language well enough to get around without problem, but not enough to have a relaxed, fluent conversation. No true friends to speak of.
.
Have you tried any face to face recovery programs yet? Sometimes just SR and yourself isn't enough.. maybe it's time to kick it up a notch.
The worst that happens is you waste an hour a day for a while if it doesn't stick, the best that could happen is you end up clean and sober.
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Old 05-26-2015, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
No worries about those guys. They just own the mechanic shop around the corner. They're nobodies, and I'll beat them off with a stick from here on in after today's little encounter. I'm honestly in a really good area though, surrounded by good people. They're the odd ones out.

Honestly? I'm scared, because I don't know how to go about this. I want to be sober, I really do. I just don't know where to source the strength to do it. I do know it takes more than self will though. You need a support network of some kind in place, but I've isolated myself so much due to my alcoholism, there is none.

I'm 12,000kms from any family member, was in a 3 year relationship here which ended, so now I live alone with a couple dogs. I know the language well enough to get around without problem, but not enough to have a relaxed, fluent conversation. No true friends to speak of.

Even if my family was around, aside from my dad, they're all a bunch of alcoholics themselves anyway. They're all rich though. Parents are millionaires, and brothers are making over $200k/year, so what hell, drink up I guess. I'm the odd one out, as I didn't go into the oil patch. Nonetheless, even if around them, I doubt they'd be of any help.

I don't know. Keep drinking until my liver gives out I guess.
Apart from SR I had no support.
It is possible Troy - but you have to really want it.

Do you think it's just fear that's keeping you on the hamster wheel?

D
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