Trying to get sober and stay that way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 9
Trying to get sober and stay that way
Hi everyone. I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself.
I am a married 37 y.o. with two young daughters. Been with my wife for 14 years. I have a PhD in history and teach at a major university on the west coast. I am also a published novelist. However, I have a drinking problem.
I never drank regularly until I was 32, but it has been an on-again, off-again problem ever since, and has caused some embarrassing moments and serious strain in my marriage.
Over the last year, I have cut back on my drinking extensively, but I'm still drinking too much and still hiding it from my wife. Sometimes she can tell, sometimes she can't. I do stupid things like pound a malt liquor on the way home from work--something that would once have been inconceivable to me, but is now commonplace.
I have demonstrated the ability to cut back on my drinking, but the pattern always repeats itself. I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic, and I'd like to just stop and be done with it, but as many of you no doubt know, it's not quite that easy.
I'm afraid that this will end with a DUI or some disastrous Mel Gibson moment. Today I'm trying to resist the urge to drink. Thanks for your time.
I am a married 37 y.o. with two young daughters. Been with my wife for 14 years. I have a PhD in history and teach at a major university on the west coast. I am also a published novelist. However, I have a drinking problem.
I never drank regularly until I was 32, but it has been an on-again, off-again problem ever since, and has caused some embarrassing moments and serious strain in my marriage.
Over the last year, I have cut back on my drinking extensively, but I'm still drinking too much and still hiding it from my wife. Sometimes she can tell, sometimes she can't. I do stupid things like pound a malt liquor on the way home from work--something that would once have been inconceivable to me, but is now commonplace.
I have demonstrated the ability to cut back on my drinking, but the pattern always repeats itself. I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic, and I'd like to just stop and be done with it, but as many of you no doubt know, it's not quite that easy.
I'm afraid that this will end with a DUI or some disastrous Mel Gibson moment. Today I'm trying to resist the urge to drink. Thanks for your time.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
I went through this phase, too. I am now the (not so) proud owner of a very long list of things I thought I'd never do.
It will never be easier to quit than it is today. Every drink you take makes it harder to say no to the next one.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Originally Posted by DrCaesar 
I do stupid things like pound a malt liquor on the way home from work--something that would once have been inconceivable to me, but is now commonplace.
It will never be easier to quit than it is today. Every drink you take makes it harder to say no to the next one.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome 
You're smart to do something now before it gets out of hand. Hiding it is a sure sign of a problem. Pounding it down fast after work, yep, been there and done it
Lots of good motivation and inspiration here on the forum, glad you're here!
You're smart to do something now before it gets out of hand. Hiding it is a sure sign of a problem. Pounding it down fast after work, yep, been there and done it
Lots of good motivation and inspiration here on the forum, glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Welcome. And I'm sure people at your work would never guess as well.
I started drinking those little vodka bottles on the way home from work. Not a good habit.
The fact that I run a department of almost 100 FTEs globally didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic. So ...
Welcome to the boards and when I first came and was wondering if I belonged here someone posted. Well just don't drink for 6 months. If it's no problem and easy then you might not have an issue. If it's not that easy and you think about drinking a lot then you probably have an issue.
I hope you find peace and also that you stop drinking before something really bad happens.
I started drinking those little vodka bottles on the way home from work. Not a good habit.
The fact that I run a department of almost 100 FTEs globally didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic. So ...
Welcome to the boards and when I first came and was wondering if I belonged here someone posted. Well just don't drink for 6 months. If it's no problem and easy then you might not have an issue. If it's not that easy and you think about drinking a lot then you probably have an issue.
I hope you find peace and also that you stop drinking before something really bad happens.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Welcome Dr. All I can say is stick around and give it your all. Lots of stories here of where this can go in a hurry from the ledge you are on. Of course to continue would bring more misery. Care to chance what not drinking will bring? Good bunch of folks here and you can trust their experience.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, DrCaeser! This is the place to be if you want to sober up and change your life for the better. There is a ton of wisdom and support to be found here. I highly suggest you join us on the Class of May 2015 thread on this forum. It's a great way to meet and bond with other folks in early sobriety.
I ditto what Nonsensical said above. The I'll Never Do Thats re: my drinking started falling fast and heavy once I crossed that first one off the list.
There's a better life to be had. Make today the first day of it.
I ditto what Nonsensical said above. The I'll Never Do Thats re: my drinking started falling fast and heavy once I crossed that first one off the list.
There's a better life to be had. Make today the first day of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 9
Thanks for the encouragement. It means a lot to read what others have been through, too.
I must say, being a problem drinker is very exhausting. The sheer waste of mental energy is terrible. I particularly hate lying to my wife, and feeling like she knows I'm lying. It's an endless cycle and the underlying problem is always the same--I drink too much, and if I get the opportunity to drink more than I should, I almost invariably choose to do so.
I must say, being a problem drinker is very exhausting. The sheer waste of mental energy is terrible. I particularly hate lying to my wife, and feeling like she knows I'm lying. It's an endless cycle and the underlying problem is always the same--I drink too much, and if I get the opportunity to drink more than I should, I almost invariably choose to do so.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I certainly put a lot more effort into drinking than I realized at the time. I would hit the ATM so I could pay cash. I rotated stores so I didn't look like a lush. I had to find hiding places (for the booze I swore I didn't have) and invent creative stories about why I looked so drunk when I only had two, or whose (phony) promotion, farewell, welcome-to-the-team party I had started drinking at right after work. Etc.
It really is much less effort to not drink. It just seems like more effort at first because it's new and unusual. Plus I have the voice of my addiction constantly telling me I can control it, one more time won't matter, I deserve it, next time will be different, etc. Learning to deal with that voice took a while for me.
It really is much less effort to not drink. It just seems like more effort at first because it's new and unusual. Plus I have the voice of my addiction constantly telling me I can control it, one more time won't matter, I deserve it, next time will be different, etc. Learning to deal with that voice took a while for me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Great to meet you DrC, & we're so happy you're here.
I was much older than you when I finally quit - I caused myself so much misery. I'm glad you see what it's doing to your life. In th end, it was no longer fun - just a terrible habit that was sucking the life out of me. You don't need it.
I was much older than you when I finally quit - I caused myself so much misery. I'm glad you see what it's doing to your life. In th end, it was no longer fun - just a terrible habit that was sucking the life out of me. You don't need it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome
Alcoholism unfortunately is progressive as you are discovering. The lying, the sneaking, problems with loved ones are symptoms of the under problem.
We have all been there done that so you are among people who understand. There is a ton of knowledge here on how to stop drinking.
One thing I found interesting is you explained how alcohol is negatively impacting your life but no where do you say you wish to quit drinking.
Alcoholism unfortunately is progressive as you are discovering. The lying, the sneaking, problems with loved ones are symptoms of the under problem.
We have all been there done that so you are among people who understand. There is a ton of knowledge here on how to stop drinking.
One thing I found interesting is you explained how alcohol is negatively impacting your life but no where do you say you wish to quit drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Welcome
Alcoholism unfortunately is progressive as you are discovering. The lying, the sneaking, problems with loved ones are symptoms of the under problem.
We have all been there done that so you are among people who understand. There is a ton of knowledge here on how to stop drinking.
One thing I found interesting is you explained how alcohol is negatively impacting your life but no where do you say you wish to quit drinking.
Alcoholism unfortunately is progressive as you are discovering. The lying, the sneaking, problems with loved ones are symptoms of the under problem.
We have all been there done that so you are among people who understand. There is a ton of knowledge here on how to stop drinking.
One thing I found interesting is you explained how alcohol is negatively impacting your life but no where do you say you wish to quit drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
Welcome Dr. C
By your own words... "I'm afraid that this will end with a DUI or some disastrous Mel Gibson moment".
Truth is, it will not end there. It will be the actual "beginning" of the downward spiral. It will be a clear indication that you are out of control and have been for sometime.
NOW...is the time to put an end to this.
Look into "Rational Recovery." It is a book by Jack Trimpey that lays out the Addictive Voice Recogniton Therapy Program (AVRT). A little dated ...yes but isnt alcohol and substance addiction dated as well?
Look into AVRT and see what you think. Get a copy of the book.
We're always here for you. Day and night...and again...welcome !
DD
By your own words... "I'm afraid that this will end with a DUI or some disastrous Mel Gibson moment".
Truth is, it will not end there. It will be the actual "beginning" of the downward spiral. It will be a clear indication that you are out of control and have been for sometime.
NOW...is the time to put an end to this.
Look into "Rational Recovery." It is a book by Jack Trimpey that lays out the Addictive Voice Recogniton Therapy Program (AVRT). A little dated ...yes but isnt alcohol and substance addiction dated as well?
Look into AVRT and see what you think. Get a copy of the book.
We're always here for you. Day and night...and again...welcome !
DD
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome to SR!
As someone already said, alcoholism is progressive, and it only gets worse as you get older.
I have a professional career and managed to hide my drinking well for many years. I found out that I could fool a lot of people, including myself. What I couldn't do was fool my body and the biological aspects of aging. My drinking tolerance increased with age and by my late 40's the recovery from a night of drinking was awful. I discovered that a couple of beers in the morning would take the edge off of the nastiest hangovers. That was on my list of things I thought I would never do.
As someone already said, alcoholism is progressive, and it only gets worse as you get older.
I have a professional career and managed to hide my drinking well for many years. I found out that I could fool a lot of people, including myself. What I couldn't do was fool my body and the biological aspects of aging. My drinking tolerance increased with age and by my late 40's the recovery from a night of drinking was awful. I discovered that a couple of beers in the morning would take the edge off of the nastiest hangovers. That was on my list of things I thought I would never do.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by DrCaesar
I definitely want to stop drinking, and permanently.
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