One Week Mark
 

So, it's been one since she's looked at me...

Oops, sorry. One week since I have drank. Hasn't been hard yet, but maybe that is still to come.

But on to the not so great news. I'm still a jackass. I'm still completely apathetic to life, I spent the better part of the week yelling at my girlfriend.

I'm now not sure my issue was alcoholism, but more alcoholism was just a symptom, or if the alcohol just multiplies the issue.

So, I guess it is another thing I have to work on. I never was this apathetic, I did care, I did care about my life, my family, my day to day, I remember wanting to make my family proud, but now, I struggle with doing anything other than whatever comes into my head at that point in time.

Also, I think I am going to start the SMART program. I found that there are a few in the city I live in, any insight on how I should approach it?

Most people seem to think that their drinking was a symptom of other issues. I know it was for me. The problem with that is, if you used it to cope with other problems too long it becomes an addiction and that's a problem in it's own right.

As for SMART just go to a meeting, listen and speak. The workbook that most facilitators have for sale, or you can find online, is a great way to gain some valuable sobriety tools. In most cases I have seen, if you state you are new when the meetings first starts you will get a lot of great suggestions and questions.

Please, come back and let us know how it goes.

Congratulations on a week!

Congrats on one week!

While I get very lonely at times, I think it is probably been a blessing in this early sobriety (day 16) for me and those who love me that I do live alone right now. Or else I'd probably also be posting about still being a jackass. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just recognize your wrong behavior and work towards correcting it.

Please go to that SMART meeting and let us know what it's like. I don't have the option in my city and would really like to hear more about how the meetings actually work.

I know after housework and yard work I'm going to want beer! It's my reward. Wondering if I can deal today. Everyone is down for the weekend partying. Live in a tourist area. No family. Husband a chef and works 6 days 12 hours a day and will be drinking after work as usual as most chefs do. Usually 7:00 is the witching hour and by 12 when he gets home I'm already three sheets and stay up with him listen about work and drink more and feel like crap AGAIN and probably start over with the remorse. It's two days after last hangover. Scary because I feel good again. Hope I can get a good perspective today and tonight.

Well done on 1 week! For me that was the hardest time of all, irritable, tired, not sleeping, craving like crazy every evening. It's not been a piece of cake since then (7weeks), but a lot easier than that first one.
I think to get through a week is serious achievement, hold onto that.
Nothing Jackass about trying to get sober and having a little faith that this has to improve things. Good Luck

Congrats on your week James :)

don;t start thinking this is recovery and this is the best it's going to be.

Things will improve :)

D

I find the hardest thing to deal with is pure, unmitigated, unadulterated boredom. I imagine that is part of my apathy issue. I'm just too lazy to do things sometime. I have a few things I do, but I need to do more. I can do this.

I'll just be sorta bored.

What I thought was boredom was really me not knowing what to do with the day besides drinking.

You'll soon find there's barely enough hours in the day man :)

Here's some ideas to get you thinking:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

1 Week is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!! :scoregood

Congrats on 1 week!

Alright, so checking in, had a great weekend.

Went to my first SMART meeting today. I thought it for me perfectly. I finally actually saw myself in other people facing the problems. I learned something from it, the idea that there are triggers I can't control from happening, and these triggers lead me to the behavior in issue here because of what I believe about said triggers and their solution. I say stress from work is a huge trigger. I have a ****** day at work where I'm yelled at, called every name you know, hell, even threatened. My belief is that the only way to cope with it is to drink, that I deserve the drink, that I can't handle it anymore which leads to nights of heavy heavy drinking. But the beliefs are just that, a belief and beliefs can be changed.

I really liked the group and I will be returning.

Your job sounds pretty rough - any prospect of you getting another James?

D

That's a very good question dee74......it's a 3rd of your life.

I'm gonna add that I changed my career it was killing me. I was a bank auditing consultant......it took me 2 years to have an idea about what I wanted to be and they called me.....this job wasn't even close to my radar.......insurance broker now.......anyway......I don't make as much money and that sucks......but I have more time to pursue other things.....like getting sober.....i have less stress lots less stress and my time is my own. I started a little crazy company since that and for the most part I enjoy what I do knowing I make a difference.

James..I understand about dealing with work stress by drinking. I was a bartender and we would be so slammed some nights that my whole 8 hour shift would go by where I didn't stop to even breath for even a second. And got hit on, grabbed and called every name in the book. It was a ritual after nights like that for us all to party after we kicked everyone out and locked up..I had to put my notice in when I got serious about my sobriety and had my last day a few days ago..I don't know if you have the luxury of quitting but if you do I highly suggest doing just that and looking for a new job..you shouldn't have to put up with that

It is a rough job. I may have a chance at another job within the company.

I think the real question I need to ask is less about getting a new job, but more what can I do to handle myself while in the job? I mean the job is pretty awful, but the pay is pretty nice, I have great health care, I have a large amount of paid time off that I just don't know if I could give up.

So I'm thinking of maybe instead of getting a new job completely, looking for a part time job of something I don't hate. I think it would be helpful to find something somewhat rewarding to do.

Exercise really takes care of stress for me, James :)

D

There are also lots of volunteer positions that are really fulfilling. I loved volunteering at the animal shelter.

Have I told you of my cute animal addiction? Lol. I love animals and I probably should look into that, but I would probably end up sneaking out kittens in every pocket.

Yes, well that is why I "retired" from shelter work :wink3:

I wanted to save more of them than was practical. I got out with only three, but I knew it was time to get out.