Blogs


Notices

My husband thinks I don't belong here

Old 05-22-2015, 03:37 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 82
My husband thinks I don't belong here

Hi friends

I have gained a lot of wisdom , support and love here ... I would say 70% of my sobriety is dur to you all ... I explained it to my husband ... He thinks my issue is not alcohol !!

How do I tell him that I need you guys and your are an important part of my recovery ... Not the pills only not the physician only ?
Goodstart is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Goodstart For This Useful Post:
aasharon90 (05-25-2015), Delilah1 (05-22-2015), happybeingme (05-25-2015), MythOfSisyphus (05-23-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 03:39 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
GroundhogDay's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,951
Is he feeling neglected while you are online? My husband is online, mostly Facebook, at the same time so he doesn't complain.
GroundhogDay is offline  
Old 05-22-2015, 03:42 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 82
Could be ... Never thought of it ...... I think he is more worried about the social stigma that I am alcoholic ..... He wants to blame on something else
Goodstart is offline  
Old 05-22-2015, 03:48 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 82
Will I ever have the freedom in my culture to tend to me ?
Goodstart is offline  
Old 05-22-2015, 04:03 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rainbug's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 35
Whatever works for you works.
If I didn't have SR I would not be sober today.
I am guessing he is feeling left out.
If he is thinking stigma, why?
Know body knows who you are.
We are just all here trying to get and stay sober.
Rainbug is offline  
Old 05-22-2015, 04:16 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,436
My sobriety is mine and mine alone. I just don't care about what other's think. I am willing to do anything to protect my sobriety. Normal drinkers don't have a clue what an accomplishment staying sober is and I don't expect them to but I have educated the people in my life that what I do to stay sober is non negotiable
MIRecovery is offline  
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to MIRecovery For This Useful Post:
BadSneakers (05-22-2015), buk1000 (05-22-2015), bunnezjp (05-23-2015), CaseyW (05-22-2015), ccam1973 (05-26-2015), CeeFarro (05-25-2015), Debbie329 (05-23-2015), Dharma33 (05-22-2015), gettingsmarter (05-27-2015), Goodstart (05-22-2015), MelindaFlowers (05-23-2015), renabee (05-25-2015), Ruby2 (05-26-2015), Tetra (05-22-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 04:35 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by MIRecovery View Post
My sobriety is mine and mine alone. I just don't care about what other's think. I am willing to do anything to protect my sobriety. Normal drinkers don't have a clue what an accomplishment staying sober is and I don't expect them to but I have educated the people in my life that what I do to stay sober is non negotiable
I wish I had this confidence
Goodstart is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Goodstart For This Useful Post:
MIRecovery (05-23-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 04:41 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 26
Alcohol was but a symptom to our real problem, a spiritual malady of self-centeredness.
Oclaf is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Oclaf For This Useful Post:
ishallnotwant (05-22-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 04:45 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,485
Blog Entries: 1
How do I tell him that I need you guys and your are an important part of my recovery ... Not the pills only not the physician only ?
why not tell him just that Cursed?

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
CaseyW (05-22-2015), least (05-23-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 04:46 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 53,918
I hope you do what you know is right for yourself.
Anna is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
CaseyW (05-22-2015), Dee74 (05-22-2015), Goodstart (05-22-2015), least (05-23-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 05:38 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,436
Originally Posted by Cursed00 View Post
I wish I had this confidence
Confidence is not the right word. I have a fatal disease and if left untreated I will die. If your doctor said you had to lose 100 lbs or you would die would you really care what others thought of the diet you were on? I don't think so.

This is a life and death battle that I have seen far too many lose
MIRecovery is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to MIRecovery For This Useful Post:
biminiblue (05-23-2015), CaseyW (05-22-2015), Goodstart (05-23-2015), least (05-23-2015), MelindaFlowers (05-23-2015), OnMyWay7 (05-22-2015), Ruby2 (05-26-2015), site1Q84 (05-22-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 05:50 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
pray for strength
 
Verte's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,420
Blog Entries: 1
Aww, Cursed. The community here is so supportive. I really hope you can find a way to continue receiving this support and taking part. My real life does not afford the availability and breadth of support that SR offers, not by a long shot, as I am sure yours does not as well.

In which culture are you immersed that you are not able to tend to your needs? No pressure to divulge.
Verte is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Verte For This Useful Post:
CaseyW (05-22-2015), FarToGo (05-26-2015), Goodstart (05-23-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 08:31 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:

My husband also was "weirded out" about me being here. For a long time he didn't know that I was posting he thought I just read but one day I got a PM and I got an email notification that he saw... I had a serious conversation with him. You need to communicate, not just talk. Let him know that since this is anonymous place, you feel like you can vent freely and that you think that this is helpful to you.

My hubby is also in denial that I am an alcoholic. There's been times that when I say "I am an alcoholic", he rolls his eyes a bit. remember this is not about them. It's about us. We might not have their support but we have this support.
Nowsthetime is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Nowsthetime For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (05-22-2015), FarToGo (05-26-2015), Goodstart (05-23-2015), Inchworm (05-25-2015), LilyMarie (05-26-2015), MelindaFlowers (05-23-2015), renabee (05-25-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 08:52 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
OnMyWay7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Yes. I got the you're not an alcoholic. But I am and I don't want to die that way.

Thanks for you post
OnMyWay7 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to OnMyWay7 For This Useful Post:
Goodstart (05-23-2015), Sisterbobby (05-22-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 09:15 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 154
Dear C.00,

I know how you feel as I have a similar situation in my family. I decided that I don't have to tell my husband anything. I know in the core of my being that I have to stay sober. It doesn't matter what he thinks. I don't have to explain myself, justify my actions, or look for his approval on this. It would be great if our family members supported us in our sobriety, but if they don't, we can still support ourselves and get support from others, like the people at sober recovery.com!
SunriseSky is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SunriseSky For This Useful Post:
FarToGo (05-26-2015), Goodstart (05-23-2015), MIRecovery (05-23-2015), Yankee73 (05-23-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 09:30 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sisterbobby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
I told me AH that I joined an online group to help me stop drinking. He just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and grunted. So, now if I'm on the couch and he sits down beside me or looks over my shoulder or walks into the room, i purposely shrug my shoulders and grunt as I turn the computer away from him.
Sisterbobby is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sisterbobby For This Useful Post:
Della1968 (05-23-2015), Goodstart (05-23-2015), LilyMarie (05-26-2015)
Old 05-22-2015, 10:23 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,873
Blog Entries: 2
I've had that as well - thing is, he can only judge me on my outsides. Also, he drinks like I used to, so doesn't (or doesn't want to) see a problem.

Thing is, a lot of us are here because we feel the restlessness, irritability and discontentment without our old friend alcohol and we're trying to work past those feelings without going insane. There is loads of mad stuff going round inside that we need to make sense of and live with. What they see on the outside is, 'Well, she's not drinking, she must be fine. Where's the problem?'

My partner changed his attitude a bit after I had a a bit of a breakdown (PAWs / stuff resurfacing / not working my programme properly - whatever). Since then he has seen the difference AA has made to me, and leaves me to it. He occasionally comments that he still doesn't think I was a 'real' alcoholic, but then maybe our definitions are just different. Plus, he doesn't know all the crazy sh*t that I thought; felt and did, and doesn't want to either.

Anyway - he is now (14 month in) more accepting of it. I have learnt to avoid conversations about it once he's had a drink himself though!!

Good luck.
Berrybean is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Berrybean For This Useful Post:
CaseyW (05-23-2015), Della1968 (05-23-2015), FarToGo (05-26-2015), Goodstart (05-23-2015)
Old 05-23-2015, 06:57 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 82
I am going to continue here ... This is the only place I feel motivated in my goal... Would have been great if he supported though. And I know I am an alcoholic, even if he is in denial.
Goodstart is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Goodstart For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (05-23-2015), CaseyW (05-23-2015), Dee74 (05-23-2015), Jake1961 (05-23-2015), least (05-23-2015), Nonsensical (05-23-2015), realE (05-26-2015)
Old 05-23-2015, 07:09 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,647
Blog Entries: 20
I was in denial about my own problem for decades, and I was living it more personally than anyone else. I can't really fault other people for not getting it just because I finally did.

Sometimes people come around in time.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Nonsensical is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Nonsensical For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (05-23-2015), CaseyW (05-23-2015), FarToGo (05-26-2015), realE (05-26-2015)
Old 05-23-2015, 07:14 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 163
Tell him this:

"Some guy on that forum says that it's the only thing that has ever gotten him sober."

And that's all I am-some guy.

Why in the hell do you think I came back after 5 years?
BoutDamnTime is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to BoutDamnTime For This Useful Post:
CaseyW (05-23-2015), FarToGo (05-26-2015), LilyMarie (05-26-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:50 PM.