Irnldy001

So we're having people over tonight. Great. The wife just got a new job, and on my way home from work I'm thinking, we should buy them a bottle of bubbly and open it to celebrate for her. I'll just take a sip.......
HUH??? After five months am I really thinking these thoughts? I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES.
I didn't stop. I didn't buy anything. The dinner menu will be lovely. Please just be aware everyone, this creeps up, even when you truly believe you have your ducks all in a fine row.
I will live another sober day.

Anna

Yes, being aware is so important.

Enjoy your evening!

least

Good for you! And congrats on five months sober!

kernalsand3rs88

I'm right at 5 months as well funny how stuff like that creeps up on you on my 90th day someone bought me a margirita it looked like it was made of gold. (It was gold tequila I guess) but it was fools gold. I'm right there with you in the struggle stay strong

airwick

Send that "little voice" back to night-night lol

Dee74

Thoughts are thoughts - it's how we respond that counts.
You aced it Irnldy001

D

Calitano

Well done!

BadSneakers

Yep, unfortunately the AV can pop up when you least expect it. I can be feeling completely wonderful, my mind occupied with lots of things - and the little voice will come up "How about just once, only once?" I am learning to acknowledge the urge then let it go. For me personally that is what seems to work best. Not letting it stress me out and not denying it, but simply acknowledging it and dismissing it. It has given me a sense of peace. I haven't slipped yet, but I know not to get arrogant.

Hang in there and stay strong.

CaseyW

I like this a lot. Thank you!

greens

It is often when life is going well and I am on a pink cloud that those thoughts creep in

Irnldy001

Thanks for the kind words. It did truly bum me out that this came out. I think arrogance is the exact correct word! The word vigilance is now with me. If I let this go, then I will have wasted all this time. As it turns out, the couple brought wine. They drank it, and I stayed far away. I tried my best not to acknowledge that the wine was there. I didn't have any, but I did notice my AV voice going in the back of my head, like a song you can't get rid of. It still meant there was alcohol in my house last night, but at least i didn't bring it or drink it. End of the night husband poured out all that they had left behind (thanks hubs!!!). I think he kind of gets that maybe I'm more wobbly/wavery than I have even let on to myself.
But I think that's the main lesson I am learning from this episode - that this AV may be with more for a long time, and now I have to learn to live with it - to talk it down off the cliff, to let it know that it does NOT run me, and that I can be in charge.
I know where I would be right now if I had engaged. It would have started with the wine. Then, when my husband went to bed, I'd have poured myself a few gins. Then a few more. Then I would wait for blackout and make sure I was in bed.
I'd have woken up today feeling emotional, miserable, and hungover. I'd be a wreck all day with panic attacks. Instead, I'm alive, aware, calm, and grateful. I have relapsed in the past, so I know exactly what I am talking about.
I think I'm really learning, one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Sobriety is not something we choose one day and then the magic happens - we have to keep making it happen every day. Yes, there are some days I sail through that have no AV in them, but I better d**n well be prepared for the days that my AV comes shrieking through.
No more arrogance here. Just wishing everyone a happy Saturday

OnMyWay7

I agree that it pops up out of now where and I really don't like it. I wonder how long before it goes away and I don't have to deal with "maybe just this once I can drink" bs from my AV

AnvilheadII

there's a theory that really resonated with me in early recovery and gave me some insight into how my mind and body were "recovering" - it's called Flare Up Periods

Flare Up Periods

some might interpret it as "well just can't help it" ideology, but for me I found it really helpful to know and be reminded that from time to time I WILL get hit with thoughts, urges and cravings that can seem to come out of nowhere....and that that's ok AS LONG AS I DONT USE.

Soberpotamus

Kudos for being aware That AV pops up from time to time. The thoughts can stop there though. Sounds like you recognize it for what it is. You don't have to act on it.