Resentment, Anger and Self Pity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 16
Resentment, Anger and Self Pity
Today is day three and I am still sober. Have taken in three meetings so far and am hopefully able to get some sort of sleep in today.
Fortunately I met a couple people at aa today that I am hoping to stay in contact with.
One of my childhood best friends came over today and started running his mouth about all his problems and why his job is soooo hard because of the people he works with. Unfortunately I am his highest supervisor and he's always going on about all the people he works with. When I try to explain some of my frustrations he stops me and continues down his selfish path of whining about his problems.
I haven't been put in a position of such resentment and annoyance. I began to think about my own problems with stress and drinking and began to think of alcohol. Then I started my self pity bout of "Why can't I get anyone to listen to me about MY problems.." I know I'm only day three into sobriety by t does anyone have any suggestions on how to calm down and stop being such a self pitying crybaby?
I really can't wait to get to a meeting! Anyhoo, I think I'm done venting. Thanks you all!
Fortunately I met a couple people at aa today that I am hoping to stay in contact with.
One of my childhood best friends came over today and started running his mouth about all his problems and why his job is soooo hard because of the people he works with. Unfortunately I am his highest supervisor and he's always going on about all the people he works with. When I try to explain some of my frustrations he stops me and continues down his selfish path of whining about his problems.
I haven't been put in a position of such resentment and annoyance. I began to think about my own problems with stress and drinking and began to think of alcohol. Then I started my self pity bout of "Why can't I get anyone to listen to me about MY problems.." I know I'm only day three into sobriety by t does anyone have any suggestions on how to calm down and stop being such a self pitying crybaby?
I really can't wait to get to a meeting! Anyhoo, I think I'm done venting. Thanks you all!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
I was a little more emotional the first week or two. I realized it(thanks to reading about it here) sou was prepared and cognizant when I got a little sharp. It subsided after a few days
Congrats on three days!
Congrats on three days!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Yes, I agree that exercise can be very helpful. Exercise has been the thing to calm me down. Without it, I would be an emotional wreck.
I am sure there are countless people at your AA meetings who would be willing to listen to your problems, right? That has at least been my experience. Members have always been willing at my meetings to help out the newcomer. Praying for you, you seem to be doing a great job and on the right track!
I am sure there are countless people at your AA meetings who would be willing to listen to your problems, right? That has at least been my experience. Members have always been willing at my meetings to help out the newcomer. Praying for you, you seem to be doing a great job and on the right track!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
If you decide, later on, to get a sponsor and work through the Steps, then Step 4 will be all about those feelings. The thing is, we work through them with a sponsor for a reason. I suspect that it could backfire if you try to do it now, in your first week, alone and with washing-machine head.
If you need extra AA-boosting between meetings, and get an overview of the steps at the same time, it might be worth listening to some of the AA speaker tapes. Some of them focus more specifically on step work, others are more anecdotal - I like Earl and Mickey B because they make me laugh (laughter is a goooooood salve for my shaky soul when I'm struggling!) (If you google AA speaker youtube resentments you will get lots of hits.)
For me personally, I often pack myself off to a pity-party by getting carried away with comparing my insides to other peoples outsides. I need to take time to remind myself that just because they act / look a certain way, it doesn't mean they really are like that. Just like no-one can necessarily know what I'm going through, you can't tell what another person feels or is going through.
You can also take yourself off to calm down for a few minutes at any time. I start my day with reflection / meditation / prayer to my HP - whatever you want to call it. On a tough day I might need to start my day over a couple of times. The serenity prayer is generally a good start ...
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (other people)
The courage to change the things I can, (yourself)
And the wisdom to know the difference. (this is the hard bit for me - I usually just do a mental checklist on my resentment
1 - who / what am I peed off with?
2 - why? what happened?
3 - Why do I care anyway? (self-esteem / hurt-pride / costing me £$ / affects my future / affects my emotional well-being ?)
4 - What is my part? (what did I do? / how did I treat them? / have I ever done the same thing? - usually YES for me / what am I doing to stay angry?)
5 - What am I really worried about (do I think they're taking something away from me (inc attention / time etc) / what do I fear will happen? / what do you fear they'll do?
Usually just understanding what is behind my anger / resentment is enough to take the wind out of its sails. Sometimes I will come across a resentment that is perfectly justified. And I am completely 'entitled' to be angry. Same as I am entitled to bash myself over the head with a saucepan if I want to. The thing is, entitled / justified / whatever - resentments aren't good for my sobriety. Resentments never do us any good. It's like punishing ourself for something someone else did wrong.
Sorry that turned into a bit of a ramble - I had to work really hard on resentments myself. You'll feel so much better if you manage to get past them more easily. Anger is a major trigger after all.
If you need extra AA-boosting between meetings, and get an overview of the steps at the same time, it might be worth listening to some of the AA speaker tapes. Some of them focus more specifically on step work, others are more anecdotal - I like Earl and Mickey B because they make me laugh (laughter is a goooooood salve for my shaky soul when I'm struggling!) (If you google AA speaker youtube resentments you will get lots of hits.)
For me personally, I often pack myself off to a pity-party by getting carried away with comparing my insides to other peoples outsides. I need to take time to remind myself that just because they act / look a certain way, it doesn't mean they really are like that. Just like no-one can necessarily know what I'm going through, you can't tell what another person feels or is going through.
You can also take yourself off to calm down for a few minutes at any time. I start my day with reflection / meditation / prayer to my HP - whatever you want to call it. On a tough day I might need to start my day over a couple of times. The serenity prayer is generally a good start ...
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (other people)
The courage to change the things I can, (yourself)
And the wisdom to know the difference. (this is the hard bit for me - I usually just do a mental checklist on my resentment
1 - who / what am I peed off with?
2 - why? what happened?
3 - Why do I care anyway? (self-esteem / hurt-pride / costing me £$ / affects my future / affects my emotional well-being ?)
4 - What is my part? (what did I do? / how did I treat them? / have I ever done the same thing? - usually YES for me / what am I doing to stay angry?)
5 - What am I really worried about (do I think they're taking something away from me (inc attention / time etc) / what do I fear will happen? / what do you fear they'll do?
Usually just understanding what is behind my anger / resentment is enough to take the wind out of its sails. Sometimes I will come across a resentment that is perfectly justified. And I am completely 'entitled' to be angry. Same as I am entitled to bash myself over the head with a saucepan if I want to. The thing is, entitled / justified / whatever - resentments aren't good for my sobriety. Resentments never do us any good. It's like punishing ourself for something someone else did wrong.
Sorry that turned into a bit of a ramble - I had to work really hard on resentments myself. You'll feel so much better if you manage to get past them more easily. Anger is a major trigger after all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations with your 3 days.
Early on in my sobriety I approached my sponsor about a “problem” I had and he stopped me short with
“ you only have one problem and that’s drinking alcohol, the rest are called situations which we can deal with.”
I didn’t like the response but it’s so true.
BE WELL
Early on in my sobriety I approached my sponsor about a “problem” I had and he stopped me short with
“ you only have one problem and that’s drinking alcohol, the rest are called situations which we can deal with.”
I didn’t like the response but it’s so true.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 16
Thank you all for the replies! Day 4 and in waking up sober. A little tired, but sober.
I called one of the people I met at Aa last night and he basically walked me through a couple things to get my mind clear. This was at 945 pm and he was completely understanding and helpful.
It's amazing how helpful it can be to talk to someone about why I'm being resentful.
He told me that I hadn't done anything wrong and that it was all in me. I did not pick up a drink and I did not act out on any negative actions. My problem was only in myself. He walked me through some breathing exercises and reassured me that things are just fine as long as I didn't drink.
He then told me to write down things that make me happy and things that I'm thankful for.
I am super glad to have him to speak to. I am also really glad to be able to wake up SOBER to see the wonderful posts you all have written. I appreciate the support you all have given me and I look forward to another day of sobriety!
He also told me something really interesting about my body being "burned" because of the alcohol. He told me that my body needed to heal and recover. I hope this may be useful in helping others later on.
Thanks you all and have a good day! I'll update later on my progress.
I called one of the people I met at Aa last night and he basically walked me through a couple things to get my mind clear. This was at 945 pm and he was completely understanding and helpful.
It's amazing how helpful it can be to talk to someone about why I'm being resentful.
He told me that I hadn't done anything wrong and that it was all in me. I did not pick up a drink and I did not act out on any negative actions. My problem was only in myself. He walked me through some breathing exercises and reassured me that things are just fine as long as I didn't drink.
He then told me to write down things that make me happy and things that I'm thankful for.
I am super glad to have him to speak to. I am also really glad to be able to wake up SOBER to see the wonderful posts you all have written. I appreciate the support you all have given me and I look forward to another day of sobriety!
He also told me something really interesting about my body being "burned" because of the alcohol. He told me that my body needed to heal and recover. I hope this may be useful in helping others later on.
Thanks you all and have a good day! I'll update later on my progress.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
