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Conversation with friend

Old 05-21-2015, 10:27 AM
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Conversation with friend

Wanted to get you guys' thoughts on this, b/c it happened to come up with a friend "Jeff" w/o any prompting from me. This was the conversation was over IM today:

Jeff: I managed to only drink 1/2 a bottle of wine last night. I'm always proud of myself when I do that.
Me: Yes. Well, that's why I cannot keep any in my house anymore.
Jeff: B/c you will finish it all?
Me: Yes. We've had this conversation many times. I don't see the point of having just one or two glasses of anything. I drink to get drunk. I'd finish whatever I had in the house and want more. Which is why I need to quit.
Jeff: Everyone drinks to get drunk. If they say they don't, they're lying. We all drink to relax and have fun. I don't think that means you need to quit.
Me: Well if I got drunk off of one glass, maybe I wldn't see it as a problem.
Jeff: You just have a high tolerance. I don't think that means you need to quit.
Me: *change subject to the local sports team*

I've expressed my concern to Jeff many times, but never really the extent of how much I drink.

I don't even know what I'm asking, just wondering what you guys think...is he just delusional? Or am I? ugh, I don't know sometimes.
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Old 05-21-2015, 10:31 AM
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Jeff can believe whatever Jeff wants to believe......

I've gotten the impression Lola would prefer not to live the way Lola has been living with alcohol.

Jeff's opinions and / or alcohol issues have zero bearing on Lola's reality.
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Old 05-21-2015, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Lola23 View Post
I don't even know what I'm asking, just wondering what you guys think...is he just delusional? Or am I? ugh, I don't know sometimes.
I think he either doesn't understand alcoholism ( which most people don't ) or hes possibly got his own drinking problem and is in denial about it ( which is also common of course )

Having said that, what I think or what you think about his drinking is really irrelevant. Understanding YOUR problem is all that you need to worry about.
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Old 05-21-2015, 10:54 AM
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Sounds like Jeff has his own issues. Possibly slightly ( maybe subconsciously) jealous of your sobriety.

Also maybe creates angst for him. If Lola says she has a problem, maybe I have a problem... I need to convince Lola that she doesn't have a problem because that makes me ok.

In the end it's not about Jeff though...
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:17 AM
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Well, not everyone drinks to get drunk. I've found that to be true in my own life.

As to him not seeing a problem? You know your own reality. Whenever someone mentions that so and so doesn't think I have a problem and I don't want to believe I have a problem so I guess I don't have done, I think of the Amy Winehouse song, Rehab. "I don't have the time, and my daddy thinks I'm fine."

Well, Amy apparently wanted to think she was fine, like daddy said, but it's a rather bleak ending in that she's dead of alcohol and drugs.

So, keep doing what you're doing. Maybe give communicating with Jeff a pass for a bit?
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:21 AM
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I think also that people think they are being supportive by saying that, "Oh, you don't have a problem."

They don't know you and your inner life. They don't have to live with the consequences.

Good job changing the subject. It gets easier to talk about in time.
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:26 AM
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Thanks guys.

It's just odd that we have to fight the AV in our own heads, along with the people in our lives that want to tell us we're fine and don't have a problem. Helpful to come here to get out of my head for a minute.

I do think Jeff has a problem. He is not a daily drinker like myself, he may not drink first thing in the morning or go on 3 day long weekend binges...but in my opinion he does have a problem.

But that is neither here nor there. I will stay focused on myself. I am looking forward to my AA meeting tomorrow and in fact am thinking I will call one of the nice ladies who gave me their number tonight.
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post

I've gotten the impression Lola would prefer not to live the way Lola has been living with alcohol.

.
This. Yes. Exactly. Thanks.
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
Whenever someone mentions that so and so doesn't think I have a problem and I don't want to believe I have a problem so I guess I don't have done, I think of the Amy Winehouse song, Rehab. "I don't have the time, and my daddy thinks I'm fine."

Well, Amy apparently wanted to think she was fine, like daddy said, but it's a rather bleak ending in that she's dead of alcohol and drugs.

So, keep doing what you're doing. Maybe give communicating with Jeff a pass for a bit?
You know, way back when, I used to love this song. Now I cannot listen to it without cringing.

Giving Jeff a communication sounds good in theory but I just don't think I would actually ever do it. I think I will just change the subject when it comes to that topic and just keep it light....sports, fashion, celebrity gossip.
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Lola23 View Post
It's just odd that we have to fight the AV in our own heads, along with the people in our lives that want to tell us we're fine and don't have a problem.
This is one of the reasons that I don't talk about alcoholism with people in my life. I knew at the outset of my recovery that I had no interest in convincing other people about my alcoholism. This journey is mine.
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Old 05-21-2015, 11:57 AM
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Good for you Lola! Comparing or speculating on someone's drinking problems are ultimately not helpful for us. My husband is an alcoholic. He doesn't drink every day but he has no control. It doesn't do anything for my own recovery to ponder his issues and is, in fact, detrimental. Call the nice lady and keep up the good work
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