Big Thanks and my Story
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
No doubt Solarion. I could do it without her but when one is in and one is out it changes the dynamics of day to day life with you partner. I'm thankful she has tried to quit and done better than me in the past.
Smoking was a beast for both of us as well. I stuck to my guns when I drew the line in the sand. It was really really hard though. Something I definitely don't want to go through again. Ever.
Smoking was a beast for both of us as well. I stuck to my guns when I drew the line in the sand. It was really really hard though. Something I definitely don't want to go through again. Ever.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Couple notes to self:
- 6-8PM is going to be rough for a while. Watch the clock and make plans to deal every day
- don't get lulled into safety as time goes by. Just like quitting smoking, just one = many
- stay away from "big events for a while". Backyard bbq and yard games with the big circle of friends is off limits for a least a couple months.
- if you go to a "big event" down the line and enjoy it sober, don't let it lull you into thinking anything about quitting drinking for life is easy. The slope is slippery with zero room for error. Individual challenges must be met with the same level of fight each and every time.
- 6-8PM is going to be rough for a while. Watch the clock and make plans to deal every day
- don't get lulled into safety as time goes by. Just like quitting smoking, just one = many
- stay away from "big events for a while". Backyard bbq and yard games with the big circle of friends is off limits for a least a couple months.
- if you go to a "big event" down the line and enjoy it sober, don't let it lull you into thinking anything about quitting drinking for life is easy. The slope is slippery with zero room for error. Individual challenges must be met with the same level of fight each and every time.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't know if you've stumbled on HALT around here.
It is the acronym for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. If you start to get a strong craving, check in with yourself and if any of the above are in play - do something about them. The hunger one was big for me - any little snack will help. It's often a blood sugar thing. In early days, I had chocolate available at all times. Some people swear by ice cream, but I can't stop once I start on ice cream.
The lonely thing doesn't get to me, but the other three do. Some recovery circles think that isolation is a bad thing, but I'm pretty happy alone. I don't tend to go down the dark path to depression. I am mindful to eat regularly and sleep enough - and when I get angry I can come here or use many other coping tools to get through the moment. Emotions come up in a pretty intense way in early sobriety. I was used to stuffing them back down with a drink and had to learn new ways of sitting with my anger until it passed.
It is the acronym for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. If you start to get a strong craving, check in with yourself and if any of the above are in play - do something about them. The hunger one was big for me - any little snack will help. It's often a blood sugar thing. In early days, I had chocolate available at all times. Some people swear by ice cream, but I can't stop once I start on ice cream.
The lonely thing doesn't get to me, but the other three do. Some recovery circles think that isolation is a bad thing, but I'm pretty happy alone. I don't tend to go down the dark path to depression. I am mindful to eat regularly and sleep enough - and when I get angry I can come here or use many other coping tools to get through the moment. Emotions come up in a pretty intense way in early sobriety. I was used to stuffing them back down with a drink and had to learn new ways of sitting with my anger until it passed.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
We quit the stuff, then find we still have stuff that weren't part of the original stuff. What do we do with this.....stuff. Stuff it? Most of us will--only to go back to the same-ole-stuff. Methinks we should take a good look at this....Stuff. Just a friendly warning---Quitting the booze does NOT "quit" all - that - stuff. Best wishes on being, staying and working for - sober. No stuff to be had and that is a good thing cuz I be so tired of BS stuff.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Just got back from my blood work follow up with my Doc. Not as bad as I had feared but plenty of things to consider. I've been in a good mood last couple of days so I'll start with the good:
- Today is Day 10 for me. Couldn't be happier about that
- My kidneys are performing perfectly so no diabetes fear
- I've lost 7 pounds since my physical (I've been eating well and exercising. Beer and bourbon were the primary reason for my extra pounds and it's starkly obvious now)
- My body has responded well to my blood pressure medicine and my doc is very pleased that I can get by with a mild dose...at least for now anyways
- I confessed my drinking problem and told the whole truth as to how much I was drinking every day (Doctor was a little surprised that drinking the equivalent of 12+ drinks/day for many years didn't manifest itself sooner from a clinical standpoint or with much worse #'s with the blood work). I owe it to my wife's healthy cooking and remaining active. But that can only go so far. There is no avoiding where I was heading with the path I was on. Delayed but can never be denied is how I look at it.
Now the bad stuff:
- My LDL cholesterol is well above the treatable threshold for my age (46). I'm at risk for early coronary heart disease in my 50's. She explained that the reason men have statistically shorter lives than women is because of the 50-60 decade. A portion of men have the predisposition of dropping dead from a heart attack during this decade. The only way to better the odds is to have a healthy lifestyle and NOT have cholesterol like me. Yikes. However, with my liver enzymes where they are, treatment isn't even an option. Statins are hard on the liver and you have to test completely normal to start. ACK!
-My platelet count is low because either genetics (doubtful) or alcohol is affecting my bone marrow's ability to produce a healthy amount of platelets (likely). Basically it's all fun and games until they get dangerously low and I get into an accident. Eeek!
-Because of my enzyme levels an ultrasound is 100% necessary (i kinda already knew this). When my doctor realized I have been drinking for so many years, the fact that my enzymes were fine in 2013 and notsofine in 2015 means that it's either lifestyle catching up to me or something else. Fatty liver is the #1 suspect but other things mentioned make me get an uneasy feeling. Gotta wait till the results come back before getting freaked out and ruining my low blood pressure. lol
The doctor made it clear that the #1 goal right now is to make sure I enter my 50's in top form. She's very happy I quit drinking and said at a bare minimum until the end of August when I get retested. I'm going to go much longer than that. I'm committed.
- Today is Day 10 for me. Couldn't be happier about that
- My kidneys are performing perfectly so no diabetes fear
- I've lost 7 pounds since my physical (I've been eating well and exercising. Beer and bourbon were the primary reason for my extra pounds and it's starkly obvious now)
- My body has responded well to my blood pressure medicine and my doc is very pleased that I can get by with a mild dose...at least for now anyways
- I confessed my drinking problem and told the whole truth as to how much I was drinking every day (Doctor was a little surprised that drinking the equivalent of 12+ drinks/day for many years didn't manifest itself sooner from a clinical standpoint or with much worse #'s with the blood work). I owe it to my wife's healthy cooking and remaining active. But that can only go so far. There is no avoiding where I was heading with the path I was on. Delayed but can never be denied is how I look at it.
Now the bad stuff:
- My LDL cholesterol is well above the treatable threshold for my age (46). I'm at risk for early coronary heart disease in my 50's. She explained that the reason men have statistically shorter lives than women is because of the 50-60 decade. A portion of men have the predisposition of dropping dead from a heart attack during this decade. The only way to better the odds is to have a healthy lifestyle and NOT have cholesterol like me. Yikes. However, with my liver enzymes where they are, treatment isn't even an option. Statins are hard on the liver and you have to test completely normal to start. ACK!
-My platelet count is low because either genetics (doubtful) or alcohol is affecting my bone marrow's ability to produce a healthy amount of platelets (likely). Basically it's all fun and games until they get dangerously low and I get into an accident. Eeek!
-Because of my enzyme levels an ultrasound is 100% necessary (i kinda already knew this). When my doctor realized I have been drinking for so many years, the fact that my enzymes were fine in 2013 and notsofine in 2015 means that it's either lifestyle catching up to me or something else. Fatty liver is the #1 suspect but other things mentioned make me get an uneasy feeling. Gotta wait till the results come back before getting freaked out and ruining my low blood pressure. lol
The doctor made it clear that the #1 goal right now is to make sure I enter my 50's in top form. She's very happy I quit drinking and said at a bare minimum until the end of August when I get retested. I'm going to go much longer than that. I'm committed.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Quick update
Today is day 16 and I'm into a groove. Sleep comes easy and getting a good night's rest is a daily activity now.
Blood pressure is hanging right where it needs to. Even after coffee. I can physically feel the difference behind my eyes and I'm getting almost no headaches (not sure if this was blood pressure related or drinking related or both but frequent headaches have completely vanished).
The grip of wanting a drink is slowly letting go in the evenings. I had some moments this past weekend where I could classify the cravings as strong but overall it gets just a little smoother every day.
Seltzers are a fantastic evening replacement for my cold beer habit. I'm well hydrated to say the least.
I'm taking a pile of vitamins and supplements to help knock down cholesterol and keep the systems well tuned and I've managed to stay true to working out every other day and getting light cardio on the off days. That actually gives me a buzz so I enjoy it quite a bit.
Liver ultrasound is tomorrow AM. I'm not even nervous. It is what it is. If they find something I'll deal with it. I'm not as anxious as I was a week or 2 ago. I've been taking valarian capsules and 5HTP supplements. They seem to be helping with mood and anxiety. Folks experiencing mood swings and anxiety should talk to their doctors about these supplements. My doctor said they are a good idea and a much better alternative than prescriptions if they work. However, if you are on anti-depressants then 5HTP is off limits. I'm not so I'm good.
Today is day 16 and I'm into a groove. Sleep comes easy and getting a good night's rest is a daily activity now.
Blood pressure is hanging right where it needs to. Even after coffee. I can physically feel the difference behind my eyes and I'm getting almost no headaches (not sure if this was blood pressure related or drinking related or both but frequent headaches have completely vanished).
The grip of wanting a drink is slowly letting go in the evenings. I had some moments this past weekend where I could classify the cravings as strong but overall it gets just a little smoother every day.
Seltzers are a fantastic evening replacement for my cold beer habit. I'm well hydrated to say the least.
I'm taking a pile of vitamins and supplements to help knock down cholesterol and keep the systems well tuned and I've managed to stay true to working out every other day and getting light cardio on the off days. That actually gives me a buzz so I enjoy it quite a bit.
Liver ultrasound is tomorrow AM. I'm not even nervous. It is what it is. If they find something I'll deal with it. I'm not as anxious as I was a week or 2 ago. I've been taking valarian capsules and 5HTP supplements. They seem to be helping with mood and anxiety. Folks experiencing mood swings and anxiety should talk to their doctors about these supplements. My doctor said they are a good idea and a much better alternative than prescriptions if they work. However, if you are on anti-depressants then 5HTP is off limits. I'm not so I'm good.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Ultrasound results are in. Gall bladder/kidneys and what they could see of my pancreas looks perfect. Liver slightly inflamed and diagnosed with fatty liver (as expected and relieved it's not worse).
Doc said absolutely no drinking / exercise / milk thistle / vitamin E / diet plan. I've already been doing these things for the last few weeks so I'll just stick to it. The only unnerving part of the conversation was that if my cholesterol doesn't come down and my enzymes are still elevated at the end of August I may have to get a biopsy. Ultrasounds can only tell so much and scarring / fibrosis can't be accurately evaluated using this method. Thankfully the inflammation is very mild so chances are low that it's anything more than a heavy drinker's fatty liver.
This entire experience has been a major wake-up call. I needed it. My passive second guessing and questioning my drinking was never going to lead me down the road of sobriety. Realizing I was in the early stages of organ damage is pretty unnerving. I'm committed to getting my health where it needs to be and stay there. I've already had multiple lifetimes of what would be considered safe alcohol consumption run through my system. Going back to where I was would be a terrible odds bet with something you can't even put a price on.
Doc said absolutely no drinking / exercise / milk thistle / vitamin E / diet plan. I've already been doing these things for the last few weeks so I'll just stick to it. The only unnerving part of the conversation was that if my cholesterol doesn't come down and my enzymes are still elevated at the end of August I may have to get a biopsy. Ultrasounds can only tell so much and scarring / fibrosis can't be accurately evaluated using this method. Thankfully the inflammation is very mild so chances are low that it's anything more than a heavy drinker's fatty liver.
This entire experience has been a major wake-up call. I needed it. My passive second guessing and questioning my drinking was never going to lead me down the road of sobriety. Realizing I was in the early stages of organ damage is pretty unnerving. I'm committed to getting my health where it needs to be and stay there. I've already had multiple lifetimes of what would be considered safe alcohol consumption run through my system. Going back to where I was would be a terrible odds bet with something you can't even put a price on.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
L4L, I never cared about my health until I hit my mid 40's. I've always been a good eater so that part has been ok but I've also always been a partier since a teenager. The short story is now that I'm moving towards my upper 40's, the end game is starting to become really important. I've worked hard my whole life and worked doubly hard raising 4 kids. The ultimate kick in the you know what would be to ruin my end game of a slower and more relaxing life that I've earned. Throwing that in the garbage can because of something I chose to do and continue doing far beyond what I should have is something I really can't live with. There are people of all ages on this forum. Hopefully those younger than me can understand that it doesn't end well without change. And those the same age and older can relate to the importance of not going too far and taking something away that you work for and look forward too basically your entire life.
Retirement with avoidable chronic illness or early death before retirement even happens is just not acceptable. Certainly not from self inflicted damage anyways.
Retirement with avoidable chronic illness or early death before retirement even happens is just not acceptable. Certainly not from self inflicted damage anyways.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dublin
Posts: 75
Thanks MisterChill for the thread and very interesting about the time of life and age as that is one of the big motivations for me. I'm coming up to 50 and realised that this is an important time for me personally to quit. I want to be healthy in my 50s and onwards so I've quit drinking (nearly four months now), quit the cigarettes, am exercising and working on my diet and weight. It's having an effect I'm glad to report.
I know I can't totally undo thirty years of drinking but every day sober is giving my body the best chance it can have of giving me good service in the future.
I know I can't totally undo thirty years of drinking but every day sober is giving my body the best chance it can have of giving me good service in the future.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
4 months is fantastic, esox. You're already undoing the damage for sure. Getting older is a weird process. Coming to terms with the fact that you aren't bulletproof is an uncomfortable feeling. I lived 4 decades thinking I was. Now notsomuch...haha
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
MC, that's really great you are on the right path. Your body will heal with time, I suspect. Mine sure did and I was so relieved when my liver enzymes were finally in check and no sign of fatty liver.
Great job. Keep up the good work, stick to your plan and everything else will fall into place.
Great job. Keep up the good work, stick to your plan and everything else will fall into place.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: midwest
Posts: 46
I have known for a long time that I have a "problem" (I now accept completely that problem is alcoholism).....what finally kicked my butt in gear was noticing a pain on my left side.
After laying off the sauce for a while, the pain goes away. And then the AV, who I have decided to name Stupid B*tch, starts trying to convince me it was nothing or I had imagined it.
So I was drinking again up until 11 days ago. The pain got worse. Today, 11 days later, my side no longer hurts - not a coincidence I'm sure .
I just turned 43 in March. It is obvious to me now, that if I were to continue to deny my issues, or what I was doing to my health, things were just going to get worse.
It is awesome to have like minded people to share this journey with
Our health is a gift & our responsibility to care for!!!!
After laying off the sauce for a while, the pain goes away. And then the AV, who I have decided to name Stupid B*tch, starts trying to convince me it was nothing or I had imagined it.
So I was drinking again up until 11 days ago. The pain got worse. Today, 11 days later, my side no longer hurts - not a coincidence I'm sure .
I just turned 43 in March. It is obvious to me now, that if I were to continue to deny my issues, or what I was doing to my health, things were just going to get worse.
It is awesome to have like minded people to share this journey with
Our health is a gift & our responsibility to care for!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Quick update.
Hit day 24 today. Weekdays pass very easily now and I don't have any strong cravings at all. Mild at their worst. Weekends are different but manageable. I've only gone through 3 sober ones so I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling the same way as weekdays as more go by.
My blood pressure is really good. In fact, it might even be too low when I wake up. My readings have been 110/65 when I wake up and never worse than 130/80 during the day. I'm only taking 5mg of Benicar HCT per day so the dose is very low. I'm starting to wonder if I may actually get off meds down the line. However, Benicar (for unknown reasons so far) has a protective effect on both kidneys and liver so taking it comes with more reward than risk either way.
Good diet, large reduction in calories from not drinking, and exercise program has resulted in losing 12 pounds and counting. 10 more to go before I'm back to a weight I haven't seen 2004.
The AV likes to mess with me at times and say things like "wow, your blood work in late august is going to be excellent and your fatty liver will be resolved. You could drink again for a while and then heal again. You can control this.". Pure evil.
Hit day 24 today. Weekdays pass very easily now and I don't have any strong cravings at all. Mild at their worst. Weekends are different but manageable. I've only gone through 3 sober ones so I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling the same way as weekdays as more go by.
My blood pressure is really good. In fact, it might even be too low when I wake up. My readings have been 110/65 when I wake up and never worse than 130/80 during the day. I'm only taking 5mg of Benicar HCT per day so the dose is very low. I'm starting to wonder if I may actually get off meds down the line. However, Benicar (for unknown reasons so far) has a protective effect on both kidneys and liver so taking it comes with more reward than risk either way.
Good diet, large reduction in calories from not drinking, and exercise program has resulted in losing 12 pounds and counting. 10 more to go before I'm back to a weight I haven't seen 2004.
The AV likes to mess with me at times and say things like "wow, your blood work in late august is going to be excellent and your fatty liver will be resolved. You could drink again for a while and then heal again. You can control this.". Pure evil.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
MC keep truckin, I just turned 48 so I hear you on the once invincible stuff , reading glasses WTF!!?
And you know what they say about good theories that don't work in reality, they werent good theories, nip it in the bud andy, nip it in the bud(b**chslap that AV)
And you know what they say about good theories that don't work in reality, they werent good theories, nip it in the bud andy, nip it in the bud(b**chslap that AV)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Thanks for the support, folks. It means a lot. SR has been an integral part of it. I would have struggled much more without this place.
Casey, even though there is nothing overly serious about my recent health checkup it really scared me straight. I don't even want to know where I would be in 5-10 years if I didn't take control and knock it off. I can't change the past but I have full control of my future. I feel so much better health wise already and I've only scratched the surface of getting right again. The more time and energy I invest the less chance I'll have at regressing.
I played disc golf with my best friend today and he knows I'm knocking it off for a while. He asked if I cared if he brought a few beers for himself and I answered honestly that I really didn't mind. After we played he drank beers and I drank seltzers. Didn't bug me at all and my AV was remarkably quiet. I felt secure and comfortable. It's not like he would have let me drink if I asked because he wouldn't. But sitting there being totally comfortable in my skin while over the last 10 years I always knocked backed a couple was empowering. A tangible moment in time that proves to myself that I'm making steady progress. Good stuff.
Casey, even though there is nothing overly serious about my recent health checkup it really scared me straight. I don't even want to know where I would be in 5-10 years if I didn't take control and knock it off. I can't change the past but I have full control of my future. I feel so much better health wise already and I've only scratched the surface of getting right again. The more time and energy I invest the less chance I'll have at regressing.
I played disc golf with my best friend today and he knows I'm knocking it off for a while. He asked if I cared if he brought a few beers for himself and I answered honestly that I really didn't mind. After we played he drank beers and I drank seltzers. Didn't bug me at all and my AV was remarkably quiet. I felt secure and comfortable. It's not like he would have let me drink if I asked because he wouldn't. But sitting there being totally comfortable in my skin while over the last 10 years I always knocked backed a couple was empowering. A tangible moment in time that proves to myself that I'm making steady progress. Good stuff.
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