Hello
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Great to meet you FarToGo. You'll fit right in - and it helps so much to talk things over with those who understand.
I drank 30 yrs. too. In the end it was all day. I was completely dependent on it, and never imagined I could get through a day without it. When I came here I didn't dreamed it could make a difference. Somehow, just being able to tell my story and have people to relate to took the sting out of my misery. In the early days I was quite resentful & frustrated - but after a few months everything changed. I no longer envied those who could drink normally - I knew I was far better off enjoying life without getting numb. You will get there, my friend.
I drank 30 yrs. too. In the end it was all day. I was completely dependent on it, and never imagined I could get through a day without it. When I came here I didn't dreamed it could make a difference. Somehow, just being able to tell my story and have people to relate to took the sting out of my misery. In the early days I was quite resentful & frustrated - but after a few months everything changed. I no longer envied those who could drink normally - I knew I was far better off enjoying life without getting numb. You will get there, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I have done about 5 holidays drink free.
4 were all inclusive!
For me I kept the following thoughts in my head preholiday......
1. I can drink whenever I want to on holiday. No-one is forcing me to not drink. It's my choice and I am happy I have made that choice to not drink.
2. I am not going to obsess over not drinking before I go away. I will see how I feel about drinking when I get there. I will cross that bridge when I get there.
3. When I am on holiday, if the need to drink comes over me, I think, if I still feel the same way tomorrow I will try drink. But just not today. On every holiday, I never wanted to drink the next day and never did.
4. Holidays are not just about drinking. There are other things to do. Taking fabulous pictures for an album is a good goal to set or action to undertake.
5. It will be nice to come home feeling happy, healthy and relaxed. Not bloated, tired and grumpy from too much booze.
6. I will watch the heavy drinkers and remind myself I used to look and behave like them once. Not nice. I remember one bloke in breakfast looking like nothing on this earth due to copious amounts of Bose the night before.
I am 3 years no drinking now. I would never ever have thought I could have done a day, yet alone a week all inclusive 3 years ago. I have never felt better.
I wish you the best xx
4 were all inclusive!
For me I kept the following thoughts in my head preholiday......
1. I can drink whenever I want to on holiday. No-one is forcing me to not drink. It's my choice and I am happy I have made that choice to not drink.
2. I am not going to obsess over not drinking before I go away. I will see how I feel about drinking when I get there. I will cross that bridge when I get there.
3. When I am on holiday, if the need to drink comes over me, I think, if I still feel the same way tomorrow I will try drink. But just not today. On every holiday, I never wanted to drink the next day and never did.
4. Holidays are not just about drinking. There are other things to do. Taking fabulous pictures for an album is a good goal to set or action to undertake.
5. It will be nice to come home feeling happy, healthy and relaxed. Not bloated, tired and grumpy from too much booze.
6. I will watch the heavy drinkers and remind myself I used to look and behave like them once. Not nice. I remember one bloke in breakfast looking like nothing on this earth due to copious amounts of Bose the night before.
I am 3 years no drinking now. I would never ever have thought I could have done a day, yet alone a week all inclusive 3 years ago. I have never felt better.
I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by FarToGo 
Hi fini, thanks again. What would the plans look like? What drinks I will order with a meal, what to do if I get twitchy? That sort of thing?
One of the holiday plans is to go up mount Etna (holiday to Sicily), sort of thing you're likely to do once in your life, I'm damned if I'm having that experience impaired by a hangover or even blurred by booze.
Have you managed to stay sober since 51? Brilliant! Respect!
One of the holiday plans is to go up mount Etna (holiday to Sicily), sort of thing you're likely to do once in your life, I'm damned if I'm having that experience impaired by a hangover or even blurred by booze.
Have you managed to stay sober since 51? Brilliant! Respect!
so yeah, with Etna-climbing i would play through scenarios of a hot day on a hot climb and coming back down and then passing an outdoor cafe where there's a cool pitcher of beer....you get the picture.
but you said the holiday is a ways off, so planning for tonight and tomorrow and the weekend might be more useful right now.
and yes, i've been sober since '06.
it's doable.
and, you know, i had often almost lost hope. i had a gazillion tries. sometimes i gave up trying, because continuing in the pit seemed better than trying to climb out and falling back in.
my own planning mostly revolved around special occasions; what would i do when someone offered me a glass of champagne at my mom's 80th b-day? how would i deal with going to my neighbour's bbq where people were bound to offer me beer? what route would i take home...would i change it just to get out of the habitual dropping into a liquor store? what would i do if i got tempted while home? would i call someone? would i tell others about this so i could get support or would that be too iffy? would i be able to handle going to my daughter's 30th big b-day bash? (i skipped that one). what would i say if someone....
you get the picture.
those were immediate plans and imaginings.
then there were longer-term ones.
they went along the lines of replacing pictures of being retired, sipping wine with friends (something i actually didn't even do!) in my cozy living room to having people over for tea, fabulous herbal teas (of which there are many!).
stuff like that. picturing a future and filling in some stuff realistically, instead of with fantasies of normal drinking.
because that was already a lie, of course.
that's what got me to quit: the knowing it, suddenly, to be a lie. there would never be sipping wine with friends.
there was only drinking lots by myself, getting drunk.
or getting enough beer to do the job. not "a beer" at the neighbour's bbq.
anyway...carry on. fill in your sober picture and days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Great to meet you FarToGo. You'll fit right in - and it helps so much to talk things over with those who understand.
I drank 30 yrs. too. In the end it was all day. I was completely dependent on it, and never imagined I could get through a day without it. When I came here I didn't dreamed it could make a difference. Somehow, just being able to tell my story and have people to relate to took the sting out of my misery. In the early days I was quite resentful & frustrated - but after a few months everything changed. I no longer envied those who could drink normally - I knew I was far better off enjoying life without getting numb. You will get there, my friend.
I drank 30 yrs. too. In the end it was all day. I was completely dependent on it, and never imagined I could get through a day without it. When I came here I didn't dreamed it could make a difference. Somehow, just being able to tell my story and have people to relate to took the sting out of my misery. In the early days I was quite resentful & frustrated - but after a few months everything changed. I no longer envied those who could drink normally - I knew I was far better off enjoying life without getting numb. You will get there, my friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by fini
yep, that detailed.
so yeah, with Etna-climbing i would play through scenarios of a hot day on a hot climb and coming back down and then passing an outdoor cafe where there's a cool pitcher of beer....you get the picture.
but you said the holiday is a ways off, so planning for tonight and tomorrow and the weekend might be more useful right now.
and yes, i've been sober since '06.
it's doable.
and, you know, i had often almost lost hope. i had a gazillion tries. sometimes i gave up trying, because continuing in the pit seemed better than trying to climb out and falling back in.
my own planning mostly revolved around special occasions; what would i do when someone offered me a glass of champagne at my mom's 80th b-day? how would i deal with going to my neighbour's bbq where people were bound to offer me beer? what route would i take home...would i change it just to get out of the habitual dropping into a liquor store? what would i do if i got tempted while home? would i call someone? would i tell others about this so i could get support or would that be too iffy? would i be able to handle going to my daughter's 30th big b-day bash? (i skipped that one). what would i say if someone....
you get the picture.
those were immediate plans and imaginings.
then there were longer-term ones.
they went along the lines of replacing pictures of being retired, sipping wine with friends (something i actually didn't even do!) in my cozy living room to having people over for tea, fabulous herbal teas (of which there are many!).
stuff like that. picturing a future and filling in some stuff realistically, instead of with fantasies of normal drinking.
because that was already a lie, of course.
that's what got me to quit: the knowing it, suddenly, to be a lie. there would never be sipping wine with friends.
there was only drinking lots by myself, getting drunk.
or getting enough beer to do the job. not "a beer" at the neighbour's bbq.
anyway...carry on. fill in your sober picture and days.
so yeah, with Etna-climbing i would play through scenarios of a hot day on a hot climb and coming back down and then passing an outdoor cafe where there's a cool pitcher of beer....you get the picture.
but you said the holiday is a ways off, so planning for tonight and tomorrow and the weekend might be more useful right now.
and yes, i've been sober since '06.
it's doable.
and, you know, i had often almost lost hope. i had a gazillion tries. sometimes i gave up trying, because continuing in the pit seemed better than trying to climb out and falling back in.
my own planning mostly revolved around special occasions; what would i do when someone offered me a glass of champagne at my mom's 80th b-day? how would i deal with going to my neighbour's bbq where people were bound to offer me beer? what route would i take home...would i change it just to get out of the habitual dropping into a liquor store? what would i do if i got tempted while home? would i call someone? would i tell others about this so i could get support or would that be too iffy? would i be able to handle going to my daughter's 30th big b-day bash? (i skipped that one). what would i say if someone....
you get the picture.
those were immediate plans and imaginings.
then there were longer-term ones.
they went along the lines of replacing pictures of being retired, sipping wine with friends (something i actually didn't even do!) in my cozy living room to having people over for tea, fabulous herbal teas (of which there are many!).
stuff like that. picturing a future and filling in some stuff realistically, instead of with fantasies of normal drinking.
because that was already a lie, of course.
that's what got me to quit: the knowing it, suddenly, to be a lie. there would never be sipping wine with friends.
there was only drinking lots by myself, getting drunk.
or getting enough beer to do the job. not "a beer" at the neighbour's bbq.
anyway...carry on. fill in your sober picture and days.
I agree about the fantasy of "normal drinking", not gonna happen cos it never has before. I have been out once recently with people who drink quite a bit. It was very revealing, not about them, about me. I was sober so I could really look at the way people were drinking and they seemed relaxed, so relaxed. Not stressed at all about an empty glass or self conscious at how fast they had necked their first drink...... and there was me assuming we all had a problem, maybe they do maybe they don't, but there was a very noticeable difference in how I know I always behaved around drink, (feels funny to use past tense).
Thanks for sharing more about your experience too, this is really encouraging.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I have done about 5 holidays drink free.
4 were all inclusive!
For me I kept the following thoughts in my head preholiday......
1. I can drink whenever I want to on holiday. No-one is forcing me to not drink. It's my choice and I am happy I have made that choice to not drink.
2. I am not going to obsess over not drinking before I go away. I will see how I feel about drinking when I get there. I will cross that bridge when I get there.
3. When I am on holiday, if the need to drink comes over me, I think, if I still feel the same way tomorrow I will try drink. But just not today. On every holiday, I never wanted to drink the next day and never did.
4. Holidays are not just about drinking. There are other things to do. Taking fabulous pictures for an album is a good goal to set or action to undertake.
5. It will be nice to come home feeling happy, healthy and relaxed. Not bloated, tired and grumpy from too much booze.
6. I will watch the heavy drinkers and remind myself I used to look and behave like them once. Not nice. I remember one bloke in breakfast looking like nothing on this earth due to copious amounts of Bose the night before.
I am 3 years no drinking now. I would never ever have thought I could have done a day, yet alone a week all inclusive 3 years ago. I have never felt better.
I wish you the best xx
4 were all inclusive!
For me I kept the following thoughts in my head preholiday......
1. I can drink whenever I want to on holiday. No-one is forcing me to not drink. It's my choice and I am happy I have made that choice to not drink.
2. I am not going to obsess over not drinking before I go away. I will see how I feel about drinking when I get there. I will cross that bridge when I get there.
3. When I am on holiday, if the need to drink comes over me, I think, if I still feel the same way tomorrow I will try drink. But just not today. On every holiday, I never wanted to drink the next day and never did.
4. Holidays are not just about drinking. There are other things to do. Taking fabulous pictures for an album is a good goal to set or action to undertake.
5. It will be nice to come home feeling happy, healthy and relaxed. Not bloated, tired and grumpy from too much booze.
6. I will watch the heavy drinkers and remind myself I used to look and behave like them once. Not nice. I remember one bloke in breakfast looking like nothing on this earth due to copious amounts of Bose the night before.
I am 3 years no drinking now. I would never ever have thought I could have done a day, yet alone a week all inclusive 3 years ago. I have never felt better.
I wish you the best xx
thank you xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
There is a saying that I used to repeat like my own mantra time and time again until not drinking became easy for me....
There are many times I have regretted drinking. I have never once regretted NOT drinking.
The exact wording is better than this, however for me it is so true.
I can never think of a time when I woke the next day and thought, I wish I had got rip roaring drunk last night at that wedding/party/ celebration. I wish I had drunk until I did not remember. I wish I had got sloppy and over emotional and loud!!
There are many times I have regretted drinking. I have never once regretted NOT drinking.
The exact wording is better than this, however for me it is so true.
I can never think of a time when I woke the next day and thought, I wish I had got rip roaring drunk last night at that wedding/party/ celebration. I wish I had drunk until I did not remember. I wish I had got sloppy and over emotional and loud!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome aboard FTG! Good to have you on with us. This community has truly been the difference in me being sober or still drunk. Spend 20+ years drinking daily... and drinking heavier and heavier as each day moved on. Finally got to where that's all I seemed to do was drink. Everything revolved around it, EVERYTHING.
I'm sure you can relate. Now with some time under my belt, I've never been happier; at least that I can remember anyways.
Great group here, with a ton of support to offer. Lean on us as much as you need to to stay sober!
I'm sure you can relate. Now with some time under my belt, I've never been happier; at least that I can remember anyways.
Great group here, with a ton of support to offer. Lean on us as much as you need to to stay sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by Sasha4
There is a saying that I used to repeat like my own mantra time and time again until not drinking became easy for me....
There are many times I have regretted drinking. I have never once regretted NOT drinking.
The exact wording is better than this, however for me it is so true.
I can never think of a time when I woke the next day and thought, I wish I had got rip roaring drunk last night at that wedding/party/ celebration. I wish I had drunk until I did not remember. I wish I had got sloppy and over emotional and loud!!
There are many times I have regretted drinking. I have never once regretted NOT drinking.
The exact wording is better than this, however for me it is so true.
I can never think of a time when I woke the next day and thought, I wish I had got rip roaring drunk last night at that wedding/party/ celebration. I wish I had drunk until I did not remember. I wish I had got sloppy and over emotional and loud!!
Yes I like that saying.
One I read in a self help book that I'm trying out (& it's working for me) is - "What would a beer/drink really add to this situation?" It's working for me at the moment because the answer is "nothing positive". With me, adding a drink to any situation would only ever add the need for more and more and either the hideous and impossible effort of fighting that urge, or the inevitable..... . drunk again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by ccam1973
Welcome aboard FTG! Good to have you on with us. This community has truly been the difference in me being sober or still drunk. Spend 20+ years drinking daily... and drinking heavier and heavier as each day moved on. Finally got to where that's all I seemed to do was drink. Everything revolved around it, EVERYTHING.
I'm sure you can relate. Now with some time under my belt, I've never been happier; at least that I can remember anyways.
Great group here, with a ton of support to offer. Lean on us as much as you need to to stay sober!
I'm sure you can relate. Now with some time under my belt, I've never been happier; at least that I can remember anyways.
Great group here, with a ton of support to offer. Lean on us as much as you need to to stay sober!
One thing that keeps bugging me, is how much of my life I've spent drinking and I can't do anything about that, I can only try to make sure going forward is different. Maybe some acceptance comes later.
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