College---what A Recovery Nightmare!!
:sink One Grateful Addict
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Princeton , IN
Posts: 32
I really want to thank you guys. I don't know if I can do this or not. I just can't seem to stop. I know what I am doing and that what I am doing is wrong but it is something deeper. I wish I could just reach out and touch sobriety for a few more seconds just to draw me back in. I have been using for a week and half straight and I have already used more then I have ever thought I would. I need help but I am scared to get the treatment I have in the past 
. Just needed to vent a little bit.
~Jess~
. Just needed to vent a little bit.~Jess~
One Grateful Addict
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Princeton , IN
Posts: 32
TODAY IS DAY 5 FOR ME!!! My best friend came up to my college and interviend on my using and now I am back home. I had to quit school before I got to far into active addiction again. I am now in an Intensive Outpatient Program and I am being treated for addiction. Finally I might be able to get somewhere. Thank you all for all of your help.
Love and luck
Jess
Love and luck
Jess
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
(((((((Jen))))))) God bless your friend. I was going to suggest that, but I didn't want to be part of such a big decision. College will always be there. Get some good sober time under your belt and go back then. Good luck in your IOP treatment. It did a lot of good for me!
Hugs--
Hugs--
One Grateful Addict
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Princeton , IN
Posts: 32
73 days of misery
Hello everyone!!! I am back!! Right now I am at my dad's house watching my little sister while my dad is in Indy with my step-grandmother for her surgery. I am feeling so miserable!! I don't how to get rid of all of this stuff going on in my head! I feel like kicking in a door or something like that! I wake up every morning and think to myself, :insane "Crap I woke up again! How am I going to live through all of this clean?" I had to quit school like I told in an earlier post and I am now living with my best friend. I havn't been working. Just going to meetings and to group therapy. I have a lot of stuff going on and I can't do anything about it and it hurts deep, deep, deep inside. I hurt so many people while I was using, people I care about. And now that I am clean, I can't bring myself to face them again to say that I am sorry. I hurt one person in particular and I love him so much. I can't stand to be away from him but for some reason I am scared to go see him. I want to be in his arms again and I can't do it. Right now as I sit and stare at the screen I feel like I am about to come out of my skin. :hairout I havn't slept in a good 4 or 5 days because I have cried that whole time. I can't relax and I stress over the littlest things. Somedays, well most days, I feel like this isn't worth it anymore. Not just recovery but everything! Life in general. I am so depressed and getting tired of feeling like this. :nose Well I wrote this because I was wanting to strength and hope if anyone else has ever experienced it.
Love n' luck,
Jess
Love n' luck,
Jess
Last edited by jessicajo; 12-20-2004 at 11:42 AM. Reason: Not intending to talk about suicide, wasn't my intention or thoughts
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Nobooze, USA
Posts: 11
Hi Jessica,
Congratulations on 73 days clean and sober! I'm jealous. I've always felt that I am a very capable young man (25), but I've been trying to quit drinking for about 4 years and I've never made it past a week. So much for self-control, eh? Today is day 3. Wish me luck, I need it.
From all the advice I've heard and read, I think the idea of taking very small pieces of time (hours or minutes) as they come is helpful for me. The only problem is, when you feel all stir-crazy and depressed or anxious sitting on a couch that whole methods kind of falls apart. I can take ten seconds of restlessness and turn it into a ten minute drive to the liquor store. See, the problem is the ten SECONDS, not the ride in my Jeep that takes much longer. Strange how that works.
I hope you're feeling better now since it's been a few hours since you posted. If possible, I would suggest a walk outside. It's nice and cold and I've alway found crisp air mentally refreshing. That's my plan for tonight anyway if the little demon inside demands booze.
Good luck and please keep posting. I will send some strength your way (I promise to close my eyes and try to figure out how to do that).
TJ
Congratulations on 73 days clean and sober! I'm jealous. I've always felt that I am a very capable young man (25), but I've been trying to quit drinking for about 4 years and I've never made it past a week. So much for self-control, eh? Today is day 3. Wish me luck, I need it.
From all the advice I've heard and read, I think the idea of taking very small pieces of time (hours or minutes) as they come is helpful for me. The only problem is, when you feel all stir-crazy and depressed or anxious sitting on a couch that whole methods kind of falls apart. I can take ten seconds of restlessness and turn it into a ten minute drive to the liquor store. See, the problem is the ten SECONDS, not the ride in my Jeep that takes much longer. Strange how that works.
I hope you're feeling better now since it's been a few hours since you posted. If possible, I would suggest a walk outside. It's nice and cold and I've alway found crisp air mentally refreshing. That's my plan for tonight anyway if the little demon inside demands booze.
Good luck and please keep posting. I will send some strength your way (I promise to close my eyes and try to figure out how to do that).
TJ
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
jessicajo,
Consider your meetings and therapy YOUR job. Right now it is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Hopefully through therapy, group, and some hard work...you can have less and less 'bad time' and more 'good time'.
btw....You have made it SEVENTY-THREE days, that is great! You made it past the withdrawls and all of that. Now you need to keep it going. One of my old coaches in college had a coin from AA (I think it was for 10 or 15 years of sobriety), he took that thing EVERYWHERE. It was like a 2nd wedding ring. He wore it down from rubbing it so much, but that reminded him of how far he has come. You might benefit from something similar. It is a little reminder of the progress you have made.
-pedagogue
Consider your meetings and therapy YOUR job. Right now it is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Hopefully through therapy, group, and some hard work...you can have less and less 'bad time' and more 'good time'.
btw....You have made it SEVENTY-THREE days, that is great! You made it past the withdrawls and all of that. Now you need to keep it going. One of my old coaches in college had a coin from AA (I think it was for 10 or 15 years of sobriety), he took that thing EVERYWHERE. It was like a 2nd wedding ring. He wore it down from rubbing it so much, but that reminded him of how far he has come. You might benefit from something similar. It is a little reminder of the progress you have made.
-pedagogue
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Jess,
It is so good to see you on here. I was wondering how you were doing. I can totally understand what you are going through. PM me anytime you need to talk or if you need anything. Remember that I am always here.
Take care,
Hope
It is so good to see you on here. I was wondering how you were doing. I can totally understand what you are going through. PM me anytime you need to talk or if you need anything. Remember that I am always here.
Take care,
Hope
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