jessicajo8504

Thanks! I needed to hear that. I am going to talk to someone today about getting out of here. Not sure where I am going to go considering I have burned so many bridges. I am not welcomed at any of my families house. I will make it. I have surrendered. I can't do this alone. I need the help of other people. I am ashamed to ask for help, thinking that I will come off as a weak person, well I am a sick and weak person, and I need help. I am going to call my sponser, and talk to her. I am not going to hold anything back at all. Hopefully I can find a ride to my home group tonight. I really need the support I get from them, as well as all the support from everyone here. Thank you all very much. I am now on day 1, again.
Lots of Love,
Jess

mountaingirl

Day one - good job. Just think of how good you will feel tomorrow morning, no matter what happens today, when you are on day 2.
You aren't a weak person because you have a problem to solve. Who doesn't? My big issue was looking like an idiot in the beginning. Then I realized I was the only one who cared, and there are worse things than being a fool. For instance, letting a substance ruin your beautiful life. Talk about a fool!
Keep coming back, Jess. Sending strength to you.

jessicajo8504

Yet another update. 2 days. I am starting it all over again. Last night my sponser came and picked me up and took me to my home group. Then we went to her house and went over my first step. I am going to start Step 2 as soon as I get out of classes for the day. That will be in about an hour and a half. Tonight will be a rough night. I will probably be on here all night so that I will not have to deal with the temptation that is in my room. Thank you everyone for you help.
Lots of Love
~Jess

Sandy Marie

Jessica,
Congrats on trying again. I'm praying your sponsor and you will have much needed strength.
Sandy

jessicajo8504

how come this is so hard?!?!?! Its like no matter how hard I try karma just keeps coming up and kicking me in the ass even harder!

Tom M

Hi jessica,
Get rid of that roomate A.S.A.P.! She will convert you before you convert her.
Try to get a good sponser and hook up with as many meetings as possible.
I have been where you are and you can't win when you are in the lion's den with the lion.

jessicajo8504

I called my sponser last night. She talked to me until I fell asleep. I thought that I was dying! She was wanting to take me to the hospital because I didn't know exactly what I took but I told her no. I have a wonderful sponser. She told me to call her when I woke up so I did. She is going to help me even more then I thought she ever would. She is going to get me to 90 meetings in 90 days. I still don't know what I took last night but I thought that I was dying. My sponser helped me. I cried and cried until I fell asleep. I am going to talk to the conselor here on campus tommorow and see if there isn't a way that I can get a room change. I will keep everyone updated. Thank you all so much!
~Jess~

Lang79

Hey Jess
1st congrats on day 2, i'm also new (i'm on day 7) in recovery. Girl it gets so much easier, when things get tough or your tempted just remember how you feel afterwards or play the whole tape through. At least thats what i've been doing. I've been talking to so many people about a Higher Power (step 2), I'm working on step 3 and at times I question my beliefs. I do have to admit, i've been praying alot more lately, it helps.. Well I just wanted to say hey, and let you know that your not alone or unique. If you want send me a PM and we can chat. Please stick and stay
monica

jessicajo8504

I don't remember detox ever being so hard! I am sitting here right now, well if you call it sitting. I can't stay still. Constantly shaking, and have tremors. Right now my stomach is cramping and I swear to you that I am dying! I want to punch someone so bad! I just need to hear some recovery and hope that I will make it through this without hurting myself or using again.

Tom M

Hi Jessica,
They will probably give you some librium to calm you down. You will start feeling better soon. Give yourself a chance! You deserve it!.

lulu70

Hang in there, honey!!! If it gets to bad, get to a hospital QUICK! Please post and let us know how you are doing!!

Hugs and prayers--

jessicajo8504

I still feel the effects of detox. I think that it might be getting better but I still don't feel very good. Actually I still feel like crap. Day by day and today is day 4. I am hopping that the worst is over. I think that once I get past detox I might be able to start back into regular routine. I mean right now with the muscles cramps and dizzyness it is hard to get out of my room even to go to class but I have made it to all of them, each and every single one, this week no matter how bad it was. I only have a few more days until I get to go home for the weekend. I will be able to make it to 4 meetings in 2 days so I will fill better, I hope just a little if not more. Just want to thank everyone for listening to me.
Thanks again,
Jess

jessicajo8504

Hello All! Just got back from my first meeting back. I missed it so much. I got to hear all the wonderful things that I have been needing to hear. I made it back and I am doing better with the detox, thank God. God is working a miracale in all of your lives. And I thank God for sending me such loving people as you and for the miracale of the fellowship of NA and AA to me. Just wanted to thank you all for the encoragment. Especially for the courage to finally make an appointment with the campus counslor. I go to see her next Tuesday after class to get an "evaluation." That is going to be tons of fun! Anyway I just wanted to thank you all for being so helpful and encouraging! I now have 5 days clean and sober!

Lots of Love
~Jess

hopealwayz

Jess,
I'm so glad to hear that you went to a meeting. Congrats on the 5 days!! I know how hard detox is because I'm only on day 2 but it only gets better from here. I was just thinking of you today, wondering how you were doing. I know how hard it is being in college and trying to stay sober. I'm in college too and right now my roommate has friends over in the room partying. We will make it through. Trust in the Lord and He will guide you right.

Hope

jessicajo8504

Hello everyone. Today is day 8! I am done with most of the detox, I hope. This weekend was so rough. Thank God for the fellowship of NA, my sponser and all of you here in this site that post. Everyone has helped me so much. I am still a little mad about my roommate situation. I mean I have paid to stay here at school and I feel like I do not belong in my room. I spend most of my time here at the library. It helps me be able to consentrate on my homework but just somedays I just feel like going to my room after class and just chill. Watch some T.V, listen to some music, and do my homework. But when I go to my room I feel like I am an outcast of myself. I get the urge to use what I know is somewhere in that room. I call my sponser pretty much on a daily basis and try and make it to meetings whenever possible. I just wanted to share how mad I am because if I leave it inside any longer I think I am going to burst. Oh yeah I made an appointment with the campus consler so that I can have someone to talk to professionally on a weekly basis. Just want to thank everyone for being there for me even though I think that I don't deserve it. God is really working in everyone here. Thank you all!
Luv and Luck,
Jess

pedagogue

Jesssica,

Keep up the good work. Take every day in stride and keep builing a strong support network. Please vent on the message board, I am sure you will find great support here and a good sounding board.

-pedagogue

Aa_vark

Hi Jess -

Your in my prayers -

I wish i could bring 20 or so recovering addicts to a marathon meeting in your dorm room - I wonder what your roommate would say?

jessicajo

Thank you EVERYONE!! Its me Jess! I had to get a new account so that I can read posts and it worked! YEAH!! I have relapsed again, and it is getting hard to come out of it. I can't stop! It seems as if Karma kicks me dead square in the butt and laughes at me because everything seems to just fall apart at once. I called my sponsor yesterday and I told her that I had relapsed. She had some great encouraging words but until I get out of school I am not sure how I can do it. I know go to meetings, work the steps, call my sponsor and all of that, and it helps. I am in college and there is more around me everyday then I have ever had in my whole life. I am not trying to give excuses for my using because I know I use to get high to feel "better." Tonigh there is a meeting near campus but I, honestly, don't know if I am going to go. I feel that if I go to an NA meeting high I feel like I am tempting the others and I don't want to hurt them. Well I got to get going to class. I hope that you all are still on my side.
Love and Luck,
Jess

hopealwayz

Jess, don't give up, no matter what!! You haven't failed- the only time we ever fail is when we stop trying. This can work for you if you work it. I know it is hard to be in college and stay clean but it is possible and you will do much better than if you keep using. I think you should go to the NA meeting, just put one foot in front of the other and at the meeting, reach out and tell them that you are having a hard time. You will get lots of support. Just take it one hour or minute at a time if you have to. We will never turn our backs on you. I am here if you need to talk.

And I know where you're coming from too, I slipped again and I'm back on day 9. Just remember to breathe in, breathe out, put one foot in front of the other.

Hope

Aa_vark

Hey Jess, I was wondering about you... Still on your side, yes. Oh, i agree with hope, that you should go to the NA meeting - set aside any worry you have for an hour - speak up, and let someone know that you're having a hard time. No one will hold it against you. Our problem isnt a matter of being weak people - actually were a strong bunch - Im just powerless over my addiction. I was obsessed with "feeling better" . But listen, i used because i wanted to use - for a long time i thought i would be able to quit whenever, or tomorrow, or later in life, or when i moved away from someone, or something happened - i just ended up getting worse and worse - for years and years - became an alcoholic too, then a crack head - please sweetie, try to make some more meetings - give it a year at meetings -no matter what, if your using or not - just go -

Your in my prayers again...<uh-ohhhh>

Love and huggs -
A