Calitano's tracker...
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
Had a lovely day with some friends, just hanging out in their garden, drinking iced coffee, gossiping, laughing and messing about! Kind of like we used to do as teenagers, just without the illicit cigarettes/beers. It was fun. No one was drinking which was a bit unusual.
This evening will be quiet; it'll be an early night in preparation for a busy week of meetings. All under control though. No more work-dos at all scheduled in the future: yay. I've decided to curtail these completely and am lucky enough that the consequences should only be minimally limiting.
This evening will be quiet; it'll be an early night in preparation for a busy week of meetings. All under control though. No more work-dos at all scheduled in the future: yay. I've decided to curtail these completely and am lucky enough that the consequences should only be minimally limiting.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Beautiful early summer's day today - not too hot, not too cold, just right 
Out and about running errands - mostly driving. I've always love love loved to drive, especially on my own in the car. It's the sense of escape - kind of like when you're on a plane or train and the world and all its problems are just suspended for the duration.
Anyway, all good here. No boozing or fighting' or nothin' ;-)
Out and about running errands - mostly driving. I've always love love loved to drive, especially on my own in the car. It's the sense of escape - kind of like when you're on a plane or train and the world and all its problems are just suspended for the duration.
Anyway, all good here. No boozing or fighting' or nothin' ;-)
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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I have decided that sobriety suits me
It's getting easier, but I still notice that I have many many reflexive thoughts of having a(!) glass of wine, or a dry martini or whatever - mostly triggered by movies or situations, or when I'm not dealing with my emotions properly - but they no longer bother me so much. And I remember some perfectly on point advice somebody here gave me: the only stress alcohol relieves is the stress of my addiction wanting alcohol… (thanks doggonecarl: that was a good one)
Gotta keep on top of it though, so I check in here a lot. Seems like it's when you take your foot off the pedal that things can take a turn in a bad direction…
It's getting easier, but I still notice that I have many many reflexive thoughts of having a(!) glass of wine, or a dry martini or whatever - mostly triggered by movies or situations, or when I'm not dealing with my emotions properly - but they no longer bother me so much. And I remember some perfectly on point advice somebody here gave me: the only stress alcohol relieves is the stress of my addiction wanting alcohol… (thanks doggonecarl: that was a good one)
Gotta keep on top of it though, so I check in here a lot. Seems like it's when you take your foot off the pedal that things can take a turn in a bad direction…
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
There is a startling lack of stress in my life at the moment
I mean objectively, there are just as many/few things to be stressed about as when I drank, but take away the strain of being an active alcoholic and well, life is for just getting on with isn't it?
It's just odd to notice that I've never been this relaxed in life before - ever.
I had a really really difficult stressful childhood; always 'on guard', so feeling security and trust takes a lot of getting used to. I'll set up some exercise/work/study related goals and challenges again in a week or two, as I like to push myself, but for now it's interesting if unsettling to experience what the 'assured' life feels like.
Lots of interesting reads around here last few days. Lots of good advice too.
I mean objectively, there are just as many/few things to be stressed about as when I drank, but take away the strain of being an active alcoholic and well, life is for just getting on with isn't it?
It's just odd to notice that I've never been this relaxed in life before - ever.
I had a really really difficult stressful childhood; always 'on guard', so feeling security and trust takes a lot of getting used to. I'll set up some exercise/work/study related goals and challenges again in a week or two, as I like to push myself, but for now it's interesting if unsettling to experience what the 'assured' life feels like.
Lots of interesting reads around here last few days. Lots of good advice too.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
Just checking in…
After reading a thread here about toxic relationships I've been thinking about a few people in my life - who shouldn't be. They don't fit or understand or approve of who I am and who I've striving to be. One in particular took advantage of my lack of confidence and situation in the past - possibly unconsciously. And I let her.
Now, sobriety is bringing increased clarity around whats going on, and the confidence to cut people loose - sometimes people that I used and leaned on in the past. This sense of owing them or sense of complicity in the dysfunctional relationship makes it difficult to cut ties. Doesn't mean I shouldn't though.
Anyway, have a good evening y'all
After reading a thread here about toxic relationships I've been thinking about a few people in my life - who shouldn't be. They don't fit or understand or approve of who I am and who I've striving to be. One in particular took advantage of my lack of confidence and situation in the past - possibly unconsciously. And I let her.
Now, sobriety is bringing increased clarity around whats going on, and the confidence to cut people loose - sometimes people that I used and leaned on in the past. This sense of owing them or sense of complicity in the dysfunctional relationship makes it difficult to cut ties. Doesn't mean I shouldn't though.
Anyway, have a good evening y'all
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
During these slow sunny days, with lots of BBQs and outdoor dining going on, my thoughts reflexively turn to white wine, bubbles and frozen margaritas. And then I direct them onwards.
I understand a little about what works for me: and it's being positive, focussing on the good and actively making things happen. Too much dwelling on problems such as my alcoholism can put them front and centre - exactly what I want to avoid. The paradox is that I enjoy reading here a lot and appreciate one of the key SR learnings: stay close and don't ever ever forget that you are and always will be an alcoholic.
In my sporting days I learnt to deal with physical discomfort and maintain focus, in my business life I've learnt to play the numbers and stack the odds towards positive outcomes. Now I'm trying to parlay some of these skills into sobriety and a better lifestyle and relationships.
Guess I'll be busy Thanks SR!
I understand a little about what works for me: and it's being positive, focussing on the good and actively making things happen. Too much dwelling on problems such as my alcoholism can put them front and centre - exactly what I want to avoid. The paradox is that I enjoy reading here a lot and appreciate one of the key SR learnings: stay close and don't ever ever forget that you are and always will be an alcoholic.
In my sporting days I learnt to deal with physical discomfort and maintain focus, in my business life I've learnt to play the numbers and stack the odds towards positive outcomes. Now I'm trying to parlay some of these skills into sobriety and a better lifestyle and relationships.
Guess I'll be busy
Thanks SR!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
Doing good here. 200 days (go me)
Something that I'm really noticing of late is that as I've relaxed a bit - and am not in hyper vigilant always on the alcohol watch - I finally have the headspace and inclination to work out lots of the stuff that's been bothering me for years. Mainly relationships and their dynamics and their tendency towards equilibrium or homeostasis. And oh, the games I played… I think my favorite was the one called Denial
Hours and hours of fun with that one!
Lots to ponder, but life is good.
Something that I'm really noticing of late is that as I've relaxed a bit - and am not in hyper vigilant always on the alcohol watch - I finally have the headspace and inclination to work out lots of the stuff that's been bothering me for years. Mainly relationships and their dynamics and their tendency towards equilibrium or homeostasis. And oh, the games I played… I think my favorite was the one called Denial
Hours and hours of fun with that one!Lots to ponder, but life is good.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
Hey sober friends.
Funny thing about insights is that they appear to arrive like cabs, nothing for ages then suddenly you're tripping all over them! Or, of course, my poor brain is just trying to catch up with itself. Lot of processing...
I'm investigating options to do my science masters - dropped out halfway through about 20 years ago to commence my drinking career in earnest. Just couldn't focus through all my chaos at the time. 20 years is a long time away from formal education though, so I'm looking at dipping in with a taster course or two for starters. Feel very lucky to have the opportunity and resources to make this happen. And super excited at the possibilities
Funny thing about insights is that they appear to arrive like cabs, nothing for ages then suddenly you're tripping all over them! Or, of course, my poor brain is just trying to catch up with itself. Lot of processing...
I'm investigating options to do my science masters - dropped out halfway through about 20 years ago to commence my drinking career in earnest. Just couldn't focus through all my chaos at the time. 20 years is a long time away from formal education though, so I'm looking at dipping in with a taster course or two for starters. Feel very lucky to have the opportunity and resources to make this happen. And super excited at the possibilities
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