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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 351
Family wedding 😱
Is there any event more fraught, more designed to draw forth the collective crazy??? ***Warning: self indulgent post follows...***
Anyway I survived what I came to term "The Big One" aka an unholy collective of full, half
& step siblings/parents & several exes, encompassing all points on the sobriety spectrum. MAJOR society type do, and a million mile from where and who I now am. Usually I would have declined, but I felt that sober and secure it would be an interesting learning/
observing opportunity... And (honesty time) an opportunity to understand my past and family a little better. During one of our closer phases -before my private downturn into alcoholism and isolation - I'd promised my stepsister that if /when she ever got married I would be there for her as a nod to the Real, to our crazy but much loved shared father and to our shared belief in redemption and kinship. All kinds of blackout fallings out since... (largely related to unconnected familial legal estate issues that neither of us were directly causal in and related manipulations). However, I was secretly delighted when she and her fiancee actually defied society and family and extended what felt like a sincere if politically risky invite! So I strategised, planned & executed my acceptance as if it were a military campaign (but with way better hair & makeup, and a FAB new dress): I trust myself - within parameters!!! Result: I got through with sobriety, dignity and self respect intact. Learned a tonne, heard all the stories, realised that I have actually been missed by more than a few really cool people since my self imposed sobriety absence. Lots of sincere (and I've learned to tell sincere the hard way) so happy to see you back hugs. Interesting: I did't have to compromise myself, reconnected with the good, got to acknowledge and be dignified with the more problematic and left with the better kind of questions! If I were drinking I know it would have been a big fat confusing disaster! It was confusing enough sober but this way - at least have some chance of processing it all through...
So: major takeaways: 1. Sobriety only helps and fixes ME, not the rest of the s*#%show. Lots of nieces/nephews I feel so awful for... Felt like telling them "It's Not You..." but of course, can only try and keep paths of communication open for the future 2. Light years difference dealing with this stuff sober and secure bs drunk :-) 3. The people you always KNEW/FELT were cool really were, and they're genuinely delighted you figured s€&t out and are ok :-)
Ok, so told you this'd be a bit self indulgent. Thanks as ever Sober Recovery :-)
Lesson: Self confidence is a slow burn rebuild post sobriety. I haven't had s drink since December 2014 and I'm still rebuilding and learning. But I know: every sober second: keep trying to do the next and the next and the next right thing and eventually - even if/when life goes crazy, least you know you always did your absolute best.
A
Is there any event more fraught, more designed to draw forth the collective crazy??? ***Warning: self indulgent post follows...***
Anyway I survived what I came to term "The Big One" aka an unholy collective of full, half
& step siblings/parents & several exes, encompassing all points on the sobriety spectrum. MAJOR society type do, and a million mile from where and who I now am. Usually I would have declined, but I felt that sober and secure it would be an interesting learning/
observing opportunity... And (honesty time) an opportunity to understand my past and family a little better. During one of our closer phases -before my private downturn into alcoholism and isolation - I'd promised my stepsister that if /when she ever got married I would be there for her as a nod to the Real, to our crazy but much loved shared father and to our shared belief in redemption and kinship. All kinds of blackout fallings out since... (largely related to unconnected familial legal estate issues that neither of us were directly causal in and related manipulations). However, I was secretly delighted when she and her fiancee actually defied society and family and extended what felt like a sincere if politically risky invite! So I strategised, planned & executed my acceptance as if it were a military campaign (but with way better hair & makeup, and a FAB new dress): I trust myself - within parameters!!! Result: I got through with sobriety, dignity and self respect intact. Learned a tonne, heard all the stories, realised that I have actually been missed by more than a few really cool people since my self imposed sobriety absence. Lots of sincere (and I've learned to tell sincere the hard way) so happy to see you back hugs. Interesting: I did't have to compromise myself, reconnected with the good, got to acknowledge and be dignified with the more problematic and left with the better kind of questions! If I were drinking I know it would have been a big fat confusing disaster! It was confusing enough sober but this way - at least have some chance of processing it all through...
So: major takeaways: 1. Sobriety only helps and fixes ME, not the rest of the s*#%show. Lots of nieces/nephews I feel so awful for... Felt like telling them "It's Not You..." but of course, can only try and keep paths of communication open for the future 2. Light years difference dealing with this stuff sober and secure bs drunk :-) 3. The people you always KNEW/FELT were cool really were, and they're genuinely delighted you figured s€&t out and are ok :-)
Ok, so told you this'd be a bit self indulgent. Thanks as ever Sober Recovery :-)
Lesson: Self confidence is a slow burn rebuild post sobriety. I haven't had s drink since December 2014 and I'm still rebuilding and learning. But I know: every sober second: keep trying to do the next and the next and the next right thing and eventually - even if/when life goes crazy, least you know you always did your absolute best.
A
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