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Oh this darn trigger. I mean weather.

Old 05-16-2015, 04:49 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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Oh this darn trigger. I mean weather.

I no longer want to drink when I'm stressed. Or sick. Or sad. Or lonely. Or tired. Or hungry.

But nice weather on a weekend relaxing ? Golly goodness. It is ridiculous how bad I want to drink.

I haven't felt this good health wise I don't think ever in my life. Because I started the drinking cycle very very young. So I genuinely don't know what my baseline is without booze. I'm starting to find it, and the more I discover, the more in awe I am that life can feel like this.

So why in Gods name, would I EVER even contemplate going back and ruining that ?

I'm so frustrated with myself for even allowing the thought in my head, much less dominate, this beautiful weekend.
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Old 05-16-2015, 04:58 PM
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It's probably setting up some BS fantasy scenario in your mind. Nice weather is usually when we get to do fun things and you are connecting the fun with the booze. Ground yourself AO. Anxiety, throwing up, loss of self, that's what it really is. You will relearn that the good times actually had nothing to do with the alcohol. If anything the drinking gets in the way.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:00 PM
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Hi AO. I know you are a really healthy eater, but swedish fish were my friends at times like this. In fact I might start Swedish Fish Anonymous.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:08 PM
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Get busy AO ! Good weather ? There's a zillion things you can do !
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:12 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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You are so right Silent. I really get charged from nature and delicious weather, and I would ALWAYS try to augment that feeling by drinking. It was almost as if anything worth doing, is worth overdoing - and more is better you know ? More in my mind meant I could hang onto the feeling longer. Not really, but that's my thought pattern. Actually, it's quite the opposite.

i really have to stay on top of my "all or nothing" thinking pattern. It grabs a hold of me and before I know it, I can't even enjoy what I would normally be skipping through the fields about.

Just a beautiful day on earth.

PS - Jaynie, heading to Walgreens now....
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:14 PM
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I can absolutely relate to your post. My AV seems to really take advantage of the beautiful weather and feeds on seeing all the happy crowds in beer gardens. 'How come, you're never gonna have a beer on the patio, enjoying the sunshine? C'mon, I know this time it will be different!'

And this is when I need to remind myself - this is not what my drinking was like. It's all just fantasies and lies, cause this voice never tells the truth.

Stay strong AO. We can do this.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:17 PM
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It's beautiful weather here too, AO, and a long weekend in Canada. It's wonderful to be outside enjoying the sunshine. Since you love nature, how about going for a hike or doing some local sight-seeing in your area? It won't be long before your thinking begins to shift.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:26 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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Hi Anna

Done and done . I hiked today and bike rode and made an appt for my first golf lesson and ACTUALLY SHOWED UP. <<<wowzers.

Now I'm rocking in my Mothers Day present (hammock) and not able to do anything but obsess over a frosty Chardonnay. ARGH !!!

And there even a cardinal singing to me...

Might just have to call it an early night and keep my eye on the prize - how I'll feel tomorrow morning.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:40 PM
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AO !!!...STOP THIS !!!

Play the tape through all the way !

You remember how it ends, Right ? Of Course you do.

Stuff the little AV "B" back into it's box.

Now. Get back to livin' and lovin' life !

Enough of this foolishness !

DD
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:42 PM
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I can relate to what you're going through AO, as I dealt with the same thing when the weather turned nice out here. I got used to the winter AV, but the nice weather AV took some adjusting to.

One of the things that keeps me grounded is playing the tape forward. What we imagine happening with the drinking with the nice weather and the reality of what happens when we drink, is very different. Nuudawn once made a comment that really has stuck with me about how she thought drinking wine was elegant, but the reality of it was she would drink wine in dirty sweats, which wasn't elegant at all.

Another thing that helps is knowing that thinking about drinking is just that...thoughts. We don't have to act on them.
Keep hanging in there AO! You can do it!
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:57 PM
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"I don't drink."

^That one really works for me.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:58 PM
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Cunning, baffling, and powerful. I was working in the yard today sweating my but off and my neighbor was drinking a long neck beer. For that second I really wanted one and I came back to reality and thought there is a reason I don't drink anymore
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:00 PM
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I can totally relate to the notion in the OP. It used to be that the pretext for a drink was sadness or loneliness or [insert some negative feeling] .. but after my first shot at sobriety, that changed. Somehow the ever-present doom and gloom feelings had faded. This generated another problem for me - now I wanted to drink because I felt celebratory and the sun was shining.

And what happens when you/i/any problem drinker 'celebrates' with alcohol? We get sad, again. Then we want to forget the sadness...

You can probably see where this is going. The cycle simply would endlessly reproduce itself. And one thing the world, at least my world, is never short of are reasons for drinking. The Sun, The Moon, the sea, sadness, happiness.

Take care and don't be fooled by the AV
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:00 PM
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Hi, AO,

It'll be interesting to do a little science experiment and report back to us on your state of mind tomorrow. Even before sobriety, I often found that I felt so much better the day after spending a good chunk of time outside.

And remember, the only thing alcohol can do well -- reliably well -- is make things worse.

Take good care.
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by alphaomega View Post
Now I'm rocking in my Mothers Day present (hammock) and not able to do anything but obsess over a frosty Chardonnay. ARGH !!!
Urges happen. Obsessive thinking happens if you let it. Sounds like you're entertaining the thoughts -- they knock obtrusively, but you've said, "Hey, look at that thought, thinking about it's not doing it, right? I'm going to imagine the frost on the glass."

Bad move.

What are you reading? What music are you listening to? What food are you cooking? What are you working on? Who are you helping with energy and full attention?

When you've let an urge become an obsession, don't sit around and wait for it to go away -- you've made it comfortable. You can either indulge it, or knock it off your chart by filling up 100% of your head space with better things than a fantasy relapse.

IMO.
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:29 PM
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P.S. AO -- I'm not trying to knock you or give you a hard time. I started a fantasy relapse. I gave it a good foothold. I played with it & toyed with it -- if you'd asked me, I would have said I was struggling with cravings, but in fact I was indulging alcoholic thinking. Because I liked to think about drinking, because I wanted to be drinking. I own that now, 100%. I wanted to be drinking.

So I drank.

Cravings & thoughts aren't the road to relapse, but in my experience, obsessing is. You can't control a passing thought, but you can let it pass, or choose to recall it.
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:36 PM
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Cinderella needs to get "home" before the clock strikes midnight.

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Old 05-16-2015, 06:47 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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Originally Posted by courage2 View Post
P.S. AO -- I'm not trying to knock you or give you a hard time. I started a fantasy relapse. I gave it a good foothold. I played with it & toyed with it -- if you'd asked me, I would have said I was struggling with cravings, but in fact I was indulging alcoholic thinking. Because I liked to think about drinking, because I wanted to be drinking. I own that now, 100%. I wanted to be drinking.

So I drank.

Cravings & thoughts aren't the road to relapse, but in my experience, obsessing is. You can't control a passing thought, but you can let it pass, or choose to recall it.
No worries C Dog. You can tell it to me straight anyday.

I hear you. I am owning my nonsensical thinking that's why I'm confessing my sins publicly. I know where this is headed if I don't fly straight. I have come so far, and yet, the old record keeps playing on replay.

Alcohol It's what I know. It's what I do. Well, did.

I'm redesigning my 2nd act.

Right after I get these Swedish Fish at intermission.

All I have ever really known, (as far as how to live this life) has been while drinking.

It comforts me to know, it's just a matter of time and redirecting before it becomes second nature.

Until it does though, Imma stay put. Right here.
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:51 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
Cinderella needs to get "home" before the clock strikes midnight.

Darn right she does EndGame.

Before she figures out she can fill up that glass slipper with a frosty Chardonnay for the road.
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Old 05-16-2015, 06:55 PM
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With little flecks of princess toe jam float in' in it?
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