My girlfriend left me because I am an Alcoholic. I feel so depressed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 13
My girlfriend left me because I am an Alcoholic. I feel so depressed.
I have been going through so much lately and I feel so overwhelmed. My girlfriend of 6 months left me 2 days ago. I was so messed up that I got drunk and I tried to end my life. After not going through with it I drove home and I was in a car accident. Now I have to go to court and I feel so alone and depressed.
I realize I have a big problem with drinking. Today will be my first day sober. I am going to start going to AA meetings tonight. I don't know what to do at this point though. I feel so overwhelmed, depressed, sad at losing her, scared of what will happen at court, and very alone even though I have friends and some family that are supportive. I have caused so much destruction to my life at this point and I feel like every day is agonizing. I have so many emotions going through me and I don't know where to begin to process everything.
I know the road to recovery is going to be long and difficult and I am very scared at this time. My life is in shambles and I feel so lost.
I realize I have a big problem with drinking. Today will be my first day sober. I am going to start going to AA meetings tonight. I don't know what to do at this point though. I feel so overwhelmed, depressed, sad at losing her, scared of what will happen at court, and very alone even though I have friends and some family that are supportive. I have caused so much destruction to my life at this point and I feel like every day is agonizing. I have so many emotions going through me and I don't know where to begin to process everything.
I know the road to recovery is going to be long and difficult and I am very scared at this time. My life is in shambles and I feel so lost.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The road to recovery doesn't have to be all about long and difficult.....
It can also be about joy and discovery.
Yes, there are challenges....
But the bright and beautiful far outshines the dreaded and dreary.
Welcome
It can also be about joy and discovery.
Yes, there are challenges....
But the bright and beautiful far outshines the dreaded and dreary.
Welcome
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I remember in my past a very sweet girlfriend leaving me during a heavy bender. It wrecked me. After that I wasn't going to work often and all seemed domed. Sobered up in treatment and AA and things turned for the best.
The good news. Sounds like you have hit a bottom. If you get and stay sober all will greatly improve in short time.
Mountainman
The good news. Sounds like you have hit a bottom. If you get and stay sober all will greatly improve in short time.
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by Kefka2099 
I realize I have a big problem with drinking. Today will be my first day sober. I am going to start going to AA meetings tonight. I don't know what to do at this point though. I feel so overwhelmed, depressed, sad at losing her, scared of what will happen at court, and very alone even though I have friends and some family that are supportive. I have caused so much destruction to my life at this point and I feel like every day is agonizing. I have so many emotions going through me and I don't know where to begin to process everything.
Don't worry about the court hearing until it happens. Judges can be understanding of first time offenders.
As far as your GF, maybe you guys need some space now. You need to work on yourself, get better and maybe you two can reconnect later? Try to calm down.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Congrats on your sobriety decision. Your problems will start to fade as soon as you stop drinking.
I am an AAer and here are some suggestions:
I have found the people who are successful are the people who do AA not go to AA.
YOU CAN DO THIS
I am an AAer and here are some suggestions:
- Go to lots of meetings. Everyday if you can
- Go to different meetings until you find one that you are comfortable with. Avoid meetings were a lot of people pass when it is time to talk
- Come early and stay late to get to know people
- Seek out people who have been sober for a few years and seem content with life
- Get a temporary sponsor as soon as you can
- Read the first 164 pages of the big book
- Get lots of phone numbers to build your sobriety network
- Do service work like setting up or making coffee
- Do what the people with long term sobriety do if you agree with it or not
- Stay away from unhealthy people
I have found the people who are successful are the people who do AA not go to AA.
YOU CAN DO THIS
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Not to get our hopes up here but, there is always the chance that she may come back after you have been sober a while. But we must remember, that is not the main reason to get sober. Possible by product ?
MM
MM
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Kefka,
I'm sorry that you're feeling so low right now. I can assure you that many of us, including me, have felt very lost and alone at the end of their drinking days. It's a very dismal place. I'm glad you have some family and friends who are supportive. Have you considered therapy or counselling for yourself? It might take some time but things in your life will work out. The best thing you can do right now is to stay sober.
I'm sorry that you're feeling so low right now. I can assure you that many of us, including me, have felt very lost and alone at the end of their drinking days. It's a very dismal place. I'm glad you have some family and friends who are supportive. Have you considered therapy or counselling for yourself? It might take some time but things in your life will work out. The best thing you can do right now is to stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 13
Thank you everyone. I just got home from my first meeting. It felt kind of weird. There was nobody there my age and I kind of felt alone. I am getting counseling right now but I feel completely overwhelmed.
I have so much to talk about in regards to my past and the things that have happened to me but I don't even know where to begin. My father is a deadbeat father and he left me and brother when we were 13. He was an alcoholic but he is very selfish man and he always toyed me with and my brother making false promises and lying to us. I wanted him to be a real father so badly and I reached out to him so many times only to be very dissappointed by him. Eventually a couple weeks ago I lost it and got drunk and called him up and threatened him over the phone. He filed a restraining order and no contact order against me just to spite me. My brother called him and asked him why he would do that and he basically tried to blame my brother for the incident. My brother tried to ask him why he was never there for us and his response to my brother was why were you never there for me. My brother then lost it and told him he was a piece of **** and he was just a child how is he supposed to be there for an adult as a child. My brother will no longer talk to him anymore either.
I was handling that ok but I was very hurt. I was focusing on work and school and just trying to deal with everything but then my now ex-girlfriend told me she needed to fix herself and she was broken and couldn't be with me anymore. I fell apart completely and I got drunk and went to the park to hang myself. I talked to her while this was going on and I ended up not going through it. In the past I have had really serious suicide attempts where I was clinically dead from severe depression. After that incident I was driving home and got into a car accident.
The final message she sent me before blocking me was this. "I wish you the very best out of this life and I more than anything want you to lead a happy and fulfilled life. That is all I have ever wanted. Please take care of yourself. As always, my thoughts and heart are with you, as well as with every single member of your Family. Please know that you deserve everything that this life has to offer. Realize that and remember that you are worth so much more than you know. Thank you as well, for being a part of my life. Please know that my feelings and my love for you were very real. Please Beau, take care "
It completely devistated me. I feel like I am incapable of being loved. I always fear abandonment from others now. I have such a low image of myself and my depression has contributed greatly to that combined with watching people I care about leave my life.
There are also other people in my life that keep fighting for me. A psychiatrist and psychologist I met along my way from suicide attempts have both stayed close friends with me and just try to do everything they can to help lift me up. I am constantly told that with the things I have done to myself that I should of been dead by now but that I clearly have some purpose I am meant to fulfill because I am still here.
About a year ago my wife of 8 years left me because of my drinking/depression problem. I took 200 sleeping pills went to the park and passed out face first in the mud. I somehow managed to not suffocate to death. For 3 hours I layed there while everyone was trying to find me. The police finally brought in thermal imaging to find me. For those 3 hours I somehow remained alive. In the 10 minutes I was in the rescue being transported to the hospital I died and had to be revived. I still don't know why my body survived for 3 hours but then chose to die in the only 10 minute interval that someone was there to revive me.
People tell me I am meant for something greater. I don't know that I believe them, but I cannot deny that somehow I am still here when I should have died on more than one occassion. I am just so beyond hurting right now. I can barely keep my emotions in check. I break down crying all the time. On the one hand I feel completely abandoned by the people I try to keep in my life and on the other I have people who have so much faith in me fighting to make my life better. I struggle every day but the road ahead seems so painful and hard right now. I am trying the best I can but I feel as broken as a human being can be at this time. I don't know how I will continue to endure the pain I feel. I am struggling so much. I feel so broken.
I have so much to talk about in regards to my past and the things that have happened to me but I don't even know where to begin. My father is a deadbeat father and he left me and brother when we were 13. He was an alcoholic but he is very selfish man and he always toyed me with and my brother making false promises and lying to us. I wanted him to be a real father so badly and I reached out to him so many times only to be very dissappointed by him. Eventually a couple weeks ago I lost it and got drunk and called him up and threatened him over the phone. He filed a restraining order and no contact order against me just to spite me. My brother called him and asked him why he would do that and he basically tried to blame my brother for the incident. My brother tried to ask him why he was never there for us and his response to my brother was why were you never there for me. My brother then lost it and told him he was a piece of **** and he was just a child how is he supposed to be there for an adult as a child. My brother will no longer talk to him anymore either.
I was handling that ok but I was very hurt. I was focusing on work and school and just trying to deal with everything but then my now ex-girlfriend told me she needed to fix herself and she was broken and couldn't be with me anymore. I fell apart completely and I got drunk and went to the park to hang myself. I talked to her while this was going on and I ended up not going through it. In the past I have had really serious suicide attempts where I was clinically dead from severe depression. After that incident I was driving home and got into a car accident.
The final message she sent me before blocking me was this. "I wish you the very best out of this life and I more than anything want you to lead a happy and fulfilled life. That is all I have ever wanted. Please take care of yourself. As always, my thoughts and heart are with you, as well as with every single member of your Family. Please know that you deserve everything that this life has to offer. Realize that and remember that you are worth so much more than you know. Thank you as well, for being a part of my life. Please know that my feelings and my love for you were very real. Please Beau, take care "
It completely devistated me. I feel like I am incapable of being loved. I always fear abandonment from others now. I have such a low image of myself and my depression has contributed greatly to that combined with watching people I care about leave my life.
There are also other people in my life that keep fighting for me. A psychiatrist and psychologist I met along my way from suicide attempts have both stayed close friends with me and just try to do everything they can to help lift me up. I am constantly told that with the things I have done to myself that I should of been dead by now but that I clearly have some purpose I am meant to fulfill because I am still here.
About a year ago my wife of 8 years left me because of my drinking/depression problem. I took 200 sleeping pills went to the park and passed out face first in the mud. I somehow managed to not suffocate to death. For 3 hours I layed there while everyone was trying to find me. The police finally brought in thermal imaging to find me. For those 3 hours I somehow remained alive. In the 10 minutes I was in the rescue being transported to the hospital I died and had to be revived. I still don't know why my body survived for 3 hours but then chose to die in the only 10 minute interval that someone was there to revive me.
People tell me I am meant for something greater. I don't know that I believe them, but I cannot deny that somehow I am still here when I should have died on more than one occassion. I am just so beyond hurting right now. I can barely keep my emotions in check. I break down crying all the time. On the one hand I feel completely abandoned by the people I try to keep in my life and on the other I have people who have so much faith in me fighting to make my life better. I struggle every day but the road ahead seems so painful and hard right now. I am trying the best I can but I feel as broken as a human being can be at this time. I don't know how I will continue to endure the pain I feel. I am struggling so much. I feel so broken.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 61
Please try not to think too far ahead, it will overwhelm you. One day at a time. Many of us come from child abuse or neglect. You can be victorious and be the man you want to be. Start by forgiving yourself for past self abuse. YOU ARE WORTHY OF A GOOD LIFE!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Kefka, I'm really glad you joined us. You never have to feel alone - we all understand the feelings you're having right now. Things can and will change for you. Please stay with us and keep sharing your story - we care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Kefka2099! It's good to have you with us. I'm sorry for the path your life has taken but it's good that you have finally figured out that you have to stop drinking. My life was a mess when I found SR, too. But you'll be amazed how much better things get when you take that step and get sober.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Life is hard and sometimes very unfair. There are bad people in the world and sometimes we are related to them.
We have a choice. We live in the problem or we live in the solution. God has a plan for you and me and i can guarantee it is not taking our own lifes. What that plan is remains unclear but there is a plan.
We were meant to be reasonably happy in this life but we have to do the work to get there.
You said:
"Thank you everyone. I just got home from my first meeting. It felt kind of weird. There was nobody there my age and I kind of felt alone."
As I said before try different meetings until you find one you are comfortable with but I would not let age be the determining factor. In age many times comes wisdom especially if the individuals have been sober for a while.
One thing I found in some of the older men is the love and caring that I never got from my biological father
We have a choice. We live in the problem or we live in the solution. God has a plan for you and me and i can guarantee it is not taking our own lifes. What that plan is remains unclear but there is a plan.
We were meant to be reasonably happy in this life but we have to do the work to get there.
You said:
"Thank you everyone. I just got home from my first meeting. It felt kind of weird. There was nobody there my age and I kind of felt alone."
As I said before try different meetings until you find one you are comfortable with but I would not let age be the determining factor. In age many times comes wisdom especially if the individuals have been sober for a while.
One thing I found in some of the older men is the love and caring that I never got from my biological father
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
Dear Kefka, have you consistently been getting professional help to take care of your depression, or does that only happen during suicidal emergencies? That sounds like the central problem here.
As for the long road of the future -- there's no way you can deal with the whole future all at once -- and you don't have to. Just do what you can do today. Plant a few positive seeds for tomorrow.
One Day at a Time is not just an AA idea -- I remember Dale Carnegie had something in his book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" about living in "day-tight compartments". And of course other people have expressed this in their own different ways.
Hoping this is the start of a new life for you, and wishing you health and happiness!
As for the long road of the future -- there's no way you can deal with the whole future all at once -- and you don't have to. Just do what you can do today. Plant a few positive seeds for tomorrow.
One Day at a Time is not just an AA idea -- I remember Dale Carnegie had something in his book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" about living in "day-tight compartments". And of course other people have expressed this in their own different ways.
Hoping this is the start of a new life for you, and wishing you health and happiness!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi. Welcome to SR and the fellowship of AA. You have come to the right places.
You have a lifetime of resentments and disappointments in your heart, old and new. It's kind of a shock when alcohol stops making stuff better and starts to make things worse isn't it. Like your best friend turning against you.
If you stick with those people in AA; listen to their advice; read the big book; get a sponsor and work the programme, these will all go. Those AA promises that are on the wall in the meeting? Read them over to yourself when you feel tempted to drink. If you stay sober a day at a time, and follow the programme they will come true for you. You will also get to understand the way that alcoholism has affected your father - and that understanding may ease some of the pain and frustration you feel towards him.
At the moment it might feel like this is the end. I know that's how it felt for me anyway. The truth is that this is the beginning. The beginning of a new and beautiful life for you. If you stay sober.
Keep going to AA - try to see past differences (age; background; marital status; childhood) and listen out for the similarities. When you feel calmer you will start to hear them easier. It's also worth trying different meetings. Just like different bars, different meetings have different crowds, and a different feel about them, Try as many different ones as you can so that you can find the place and people there that resonate best with you.
Again. Welcome to SR and AA. I wish you all the best for a successful recovery. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
You have a lifetime of resentments and disappointments in your heart, old and new. It's kind of a shock when alcohol stops making stuff better and starts to make things worse isn't it. Like your best friend turning against you.
If you stick with those people in AA; listen to their advice; read the big book; get a sponsor and work the programme, these will all go. Those AA promises that are on the wall in the meeting? Read them over to yourself when you feel tempted to drink. If you stay sober a day at a time, and follow the programme they will come true for you. You will also get to understand the way that alcoholism has affected your father - and that understanding may ease some of the pain and frustration you feel towards him.
At the moment it might feel like this is the end. I know that's how it felt for me anyway. The truth is that this is the beginning. The beginning of a new and beautiful life for you. If you stay sober.
Keep going to AA - try to see past differences (age; background; marital status; childhood) and listen out for the similarities. When you feel calmer you will start to hear them easier. It's also worth trying different meetings. Just like different bars, different meetings have different crowds, and a different feel about them, Try as many different ones as you can so that you can find the place and people there that resonate best with you.
Again. Welcome to SR and AA. I wish you all the best for a successful recovery. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
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