Giving up the past...
 

Was it difficult for you to give up the past at all upon becoming sober? By that, I mean past relationships, friendships, experiences, expectations, values, etc.?

Hi I think things change slowly over time so for me it's not really like giving up.. Just slowly changing to something new. Old current things get replaced with new and different things over time.

About the only thing I gave up was booze.
I had a new life, and that life included alcoholic friends. I now understood them better because I had gotten an understanding of the disease.
I gave up the days spent in bars. I kind of miss that since I spent my entire adult life in them. I guess I'm romanticizing them. Not good. You just gave me a wake up call.
I haven't been in a bar, except to eat, for over four years. Bartenders were my friends. I met all sorts of people from every walk of life. And woman.
That's in the past now.

I didn't give up the past, that's impossible because it's a part of me. Instead, I learn from it.
Great question. Now you've got me wondering. I don't miss the past, I guess. I've got a great present and try to make the most of it.
As a wise person once said, if you forget the past, you are doomed to repeat it.
Aint going to do that.

Hi.
The part of the past I needed to change was thinking I could handle drinking if only………………..

After learning I couldn’t I needed to change my undisciplined thinking process by attending a lot of meetings where sober people attended also.

It was a slow process but for the most part worked, if I let it!

BE WELL

I had to give up my immediate life cos that was all about booze and boozers...but I reconnected with a me I'd forgotten about who had lots of friends and interests.

Focus on who you want to be and what kind of a life you want to live and I don't think you can go too far wrong Troy :)

D

At the start all I could think about and feel was the panic of loosing my old life, my emotions were all over the place, always tired, withdrawals were tough for a few weeks, it wasn't a great place to be in.

But as time went on, I got my bounce back in my step, my mind frame cleared and things took on more of a positive light, I started to focus on not what I was loosing but on the opportunities Sobriety could now offer, new activities, new people, more productivity at work, more time for projects, the ability to carve out a life I could be proud of, rather than the trail of misery alcohol created in my past. :)

By the end, I was so "done", it seemed easy, but I think it was only because there was nothing left to hold onto or worth holding onto. Once sober, I saw the quality of the company I had been keeping and ran like Hell (cartoon-style, legs spinning and all that)...

Yes, I am going through that right now. In order to achieve and maintain sobriety, I have had to go into counseling to deal with some unresolved issues. In doing so, I have had to let go of some toxic people in my life and basically start anew. It is very hard. I try to focus on the future, but starting over at age 57 is not easy. It is doable, because I have seen it done by others, but it sure is a challenge (at least for me).

I didn't have to change much externally when I quit because I mostly drank at home. I did go through a grief process giving up the old me. It was a major shift in my thinking and attitude. It is an entire lifestyle overhaul so some sense of loss seems appropriate.

I reconnected with my old self and began to grow from there.

Most of what I gave up was my self-hatred.

Yeah, that's basically what I was referring to. I've been thinking about how I grew up, my value system, belief system, etc. Ever since I can remember, so around 3 years old, alcohol has been very prevalent in my life, and basically always cast in a good light.

I don't mean my mom just sneaking a couple beers to relax at night, but 50+ person parties constantly, and every where. Nearly everyone in town partied hard, because it was a small oil patch town, and that's just what you did, regardless of age -- 14 or 60, you partied. It was always portrayed that's the good life.

So how do you erase that part of yourself, and re-program your value system? Seems like it'd be pretty necessary, no? Probably impossible though.

There is a book called A Drinking Life by Pete Hamill that might interest you. Goodreads - "20 years after his last drink Pete Hamill looks back on his early life. As a child during the depression and World War II he learnt that drinking was to be an essential part of being a man, it was only later he discovered its ability to destroy lives."

Yea I got sober young so a lot of drinking and using was tied into my identity. He first yer sober was really difficult bc I was tring to get better through therapy, chinese medicine, qi gong, acupuncture...it really didn't fit it with this hipster wanna be punk rock vibe that I faked all those years . I discovered I hated all of my clothes , I discovered making new friends is really hsrd. I discovered I really cared what my old friends think of me way too much. That was 4 years ago.I was out with those "old friends " a week ago, they were ordering s drink , I ordered non alcohol drink saying I wanted to head to a yoga class,. The response I was waiting for ? "Yoga is for lame hippies! Stay here with us and drink!" The response I actually got? " wow, that's really cool , I should do yoga more."
I spent so long being embarrassed that I couldn't keep drinking with them without consequences but In the long run it forced me to find my true self.
I prefer meditation classes to sitting in bar rooms, I prefer light and fluffy comedies to b rated horror movies now, for a long time I couldnt listen to certain music that reminded me of drug use. A LOT changed , maybe just becoming who I was always supposed to be but was clouded by so much self loathing and fear of not fitting in.

Hi Troy -

These are kind of different issues for me. Giving up certain toxic relationships while not necessarily easy is important in sobriety. Even with Family I have to set my boundaries in dealing with others.

Frankly, others had set so many boundaries dealing with me over the years that in sobriety it was kind of a strange turn around.

My morals (values) needed an overhaul. The seedy places I was willing to hang out at times and the low brow folks I could share fun ( bad stuff) with had to change. I have no regrets whatsoever.

Finally, today I find my serenity in direct proportion to my lack of expectations - for myself, loved ones and the world around me. When I stop expecting everybody to act a certain way, or expect certain outcomes all the time I set myself up for misery. Why? Cause it's not my game..........I am not the all powerful OZ of everyone else. Do not misunderstand though - this is not just giving up on things, but lovingly engage what's in front of me daily, I suppose.

That one change has provided myself and others a great amount of peace.

Thanks for the thread