Scared & don't think I am capable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Scared & don't think I am capable
Hi guys
After my recent slip, I'm going to a lot of face-to-face meetings and I have planned them out to work around my new job which starts on Monday.
I'm just scared. I know I'll be good at this job. But things went so downhill when I was drinking and I can't seem to get past those thoughts of, "I'm going to screw it up". It's making me feel awful even though I haven't even started!
I just haven't ever been a responsible person that's kind to myself. It's not like I've been that person and got sidetracked, but I'm 27 and I have never had that experience. It scares me and I don't know if I can do this. Well, I know I can. I didn't think I could be sober, and I am, so these things are possible.
I don't know, this is my favourite place to get things out and I'd really appreciate any words from all you lovelies that have repaired their lives and/or started a whole new one!
After my recent slip, I'm going to a lot of face-to-face meetings and I have planned them out to work around my new job which starts on Monday.
I'm just scared. I know I'll be good at this job. But things went so downhill when I was drinking and I can't seem to get past those thoughts of, "I'm going to screw it up". It's making me feel awful even though I haven't even started!
I just haven't ever been a responsible person that's kind to myself. It's not like I've been that person and got sidetracked, but I'm 27 and I have never had that experience. It scares me and I don't know if I can do this. Well, I know I can. I didn't think I could be sober, and I am, so these things are possible.
I don't know, this is my favourite place to get things out and I'd really appreciate any words from all you lovelies that have repaired their lives and/or started a whole new one!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Congrats on the new job. I think it is very normal to be nervous before starting anything new. One time years ago I was so nervous about a new job that I sat in the parking lot and cried before going in! To my surprise, it was not nearly as daunting as I had imagined. Sometimes you build it up in your mind. Try to have a relaxing weekend. You will be just fine!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
I am nervous about everything new!!! I am moving my kids to a new house, NERVES!! I am doing a new job this year too and managed to quit drinking while doing it. It is so normal, alcoholic or not. Just remember, take it one second at a time, one day at a time. You cannot project or predict tomorrow, so don't bother, you cannot change its outcome.
What you can control is TODAY. I always go back to the poem in AA Yesterday Tomorrow and Today
There are two days that you have no control over, yesterday and tomorrow.
Yesterday, with all its follies and pitfalls is gone. Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and that is all you can predict. That leaves today. Today is the only day you can control, and the only thing you need to worry about.
One foot in front of the other. That is how you make it through. Keep your sober friends tight, talk instead of drink. Get your feelings out there. There are many here to cheer and support.
You can do anything you want. Just remember that.
What you can control is TODAY. I always go back to the poem in AA Yesterday Tomorrow and Today
There are two days that you have no control over, yesterday and tomorrow.
Yesterday, with all its follies and pitfalls is gone. Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and that is all you can predict. That leaves today. Today is the only day you can control, and the only thing you need to worry about.
One foot in front of the other. That is how you make it through. Keep your sober friends tight, talk instead of drink. Get your feelings out there. There are many here to cheer and support.
You can do anything you want. Just remember that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Try this, it seems to help me.
Get some sticky notes. Write affirmative thoughts on them. Stick them around your house, car, and work.
I would start with, "I'm not going to screw it up."
"I am not afraid."
"I am strong and capable."
"I care about myself and others."
etc.
Whatever is bothering you has to be flipped around. Find a positive message surrounding whatever fears you have.
"I am a responsible person."
"Courage is what defines me."
"I can do whatever I set my mind to do."
Get some sticky notes. Write affirmative thoughts on them. Stick them around your house, car, and work.
I would start with, "I'm not going to screw it up."
"I am not afraid."
"I am strong and capable."
"I care about myself and others."
etc.
Whatever is bothering you has to be flipped around. Find a positive message surrounding whatever fears you have.
"I am a responsible person."
"Courage is what defines me."
"I can do whatever I set my mind to do."
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I turned my life around when I got sober. My life had been a mess, now it's a lot better and I am finally happy. 
It takes some time for things to smooth out, but it can get better when you're sober.
It takes some time for things to smooth out, but it can get better when you're sober.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Fear can be motivational to a point .
If the past or the future is making me stressed out now i tend to take a step back and focus in on what i'm doing today to get through .
Since getting sober 3 1/2 years ago i've quit a long term job , worked for a contracting firm , then went self employed , and now am starting full time with a major industry player again .
I did it sober and by taking a leap into the unknown each time with hope and faith that life would support me .
Sobriety has tought me that i am capable and can be reliable if i want to be .
I'm good at dealing with the unexpected and with stressful situations as i've had to learn ways of dealing with life in sobriety that other people who are "normal" haven't had to think about .
I also am very clear on what i have the power to change and what i can discount as unmanageable
You are also becoming an expert in how to handle life , how to handle it soberly up's and downs . Becoming an expert as to what is your problem to deal with or not , if it's manageable or unmanageable .
There is always work for someone who is sensible , regular , sober and willing to work , you'll do fine .
One brave step after another , take a leap into the unknown , like you did with sobriety and i'm sure it will reap dividends .
I should have , i could have are all regrets and resentments delt with .
Life will support you , if you mess up life is a big broad and long highway and you've got miles and glorious sober years ahead of you in which to get it together .
No problems
Take care , m
If the past or the future is making me stressed out now i tend to take a step back and focus in on what i'm doing today to get through .
Since getting sober 3 1/2 years ago i've quit a long term job , worked for a contracting firm , then went self employed , and now am starting full time with a major industry player again .
I did it sober and by taking a leap into the unknown each time with hope and faith that life would support me .
Sobriety has tought me that i am capable and can be reliable if i want to be .
I'm good at dealing with the unexpected and with stressful situations as i've had to learn ways of dealing with life in sobriety that other people who are "normal" haven't had to think about .
I also am very clear on what i have the power to change and what i can discount as unmanageable
You are also becoming an expert in how to handle life , how to handle it soberly up's and downs . Becoming an expert as to what is your problem to deal with or not , if it's manageable or unmanageable .
There is always work for someone who is sensible , regular , sober and willing to work , you'll do fine .
One brave step after another , take a leap into the unknown , like you did with sobriety and i'm sure it will reap dividends .
I should have , i could have are all regrets and resentments delt with .
Life will support you , if you mess up life is a big broad and long highway and you've got miles and glorious sober years ahead of you in which to get it together .
No problems
Take care , m
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
I got my DWI Jan 5th and started a new job January 12th. I also lost my 10 year career last Aug. I decided whatever the past was only I could create a new future and I am. Once I got sober and started working on me things have truly just fallen into place. I am still going through the court system and am not driving but it's not defining me. I just accepted it is what it is and decided to make the most out of a bad situation. You CAN do it. I am 46 and building a whole new life which can be whatever I make of it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 245
I've had the im going to mess this up feeling about quite a few things. I understand that feeling. Its not a good one. Its like you try your best and then its not good enough, or you make a mistake, or you doubt yourself in the mist of everything.
It's taken me a long time (and I'm still in the process) to understand that I'm human and therefore will end up making mistakes here and there. I use to beat myself up about them alot. I'm learning to let go of them because crashing down on myself won't fix the mistake (its in the past).
I think about opportunities, friends and relationships that I've wrecked due to drinking (not to mention the relapses that are on my mind).
But I've been beginning to realize that sometimes it takes some harsh beatings and large losses to develop the drive and focus needed to eliminate the common denominator in the problems I've caused myself. Number 1 for me was alcohol. Always more damage done than good times.
Good luck to your new job and go in with a positive attitude for yourself. Let it be a motivator for change.
Prayers for your success,
It's taken me a long time (and I'm still in the process) to understand that I'm human and therefore will end up making mistakes here and there. I use to beat myself up about them alot. I'm learning to let go of them because crashing down on myself won't fix the mistake (its in the past).
I think about opportunities, friends and relationships that I've wrecked due to drinking (not to mention the relapses that are on my mind).
But I've been beginning to realize that sometimes it takes some harsh beatings and large losses to develop the drive and focus needed to eliminate the common denominator in the problems I've caused myself. Number 1 for me was alcohol. Always more damage done than good times.
Good luck to your new job and go in with a positive attitude for yourself. Let it be a motivator for change.
Prayers for your success,
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