At my wits end
 

I feel stupid and such a waste of everyone's time - both here and in 'real life'.

It should be so simple - don't buy alcohol. But despite posting here, thinking about strategies etc. knowing I have a teenage son that deserves better I keep doing it.

For the 3rd time this week I've got up (it is3:30 in the UK) and looked back at the TV Guide for the channel the TV was last on to see what we watched last night (the film Angels and Demons) and don't remember watching it.

My son has four more weeks before his exams are finished (he is 16). I have a thought in my mind that after that he would be better off without me .

I can't do this.

In some ways it would be easier if he didn't need you but you know that's not the case. Sometimes I want to stop trying and give up but I don't and I think it's because I really want to be happy WITH them. It's not always about being there for them. Though I think they'll need us well into adulthood - but I want to have some good, sober, fulfilling times with them. I have 4 kids. Oldest are 13

My son needs me now (though I'm not sure he'd admit it) and he'll need me later. If for nothing else then to be the one person who will love him no matter what.

He needs you

You're worth it

Get it together for both of you

You can do this. I'm just ending my day 1 for the 3rd time in the last 2 weeks. Haven't made it past 2 days yet. But I'm going to keep trying and fighting. I have 3 beautiful children who need me. Your son needs you more than you realize. Please don't ever give up.

A 16 year old loves and needs their mother desperately. They just don't show it.

What support do you have for getting sober? I enlisted my doctor, and posted frequently on SR.

Try working as sobriety like you would for an exam. Read about the damage it does to your body and mind. Write out your idea of where you'll be in 5 years if you don't stop. Picture yourself sober, successful, fit, healthy.

It took me a few months from when I really wanted to stop, to the time it became possible. When finally I quit I was convinced I would succeed because over that time I gained motivation until something just clicked.

It also helped me to have a goal (one year) to work towards. Once the year was up, no way was I going to drink again because I like my life way too much.

Don't give up; keep working at it, and don't expect it to be easy. Earn it.

I agree with everyone else here - your son would definitely not be better off without his mum.

Whatever your recovery plan is- write it down. Look at it. Then accept it's not been enough to keep you sober.

Keep the page tho :)

What kind of things could you add to what you've been doing?
write them down too.


They may be uncomfortable things or things that take you out of your comfort zone, sure - but how badly do you want change to happen VW?

D

Hang in there, Virginia. :hug: Keep fighting and don't ever give up. You're definitely needed.

Well, Virginia, if it's the third time this week, then you've made it through at least a couple of nights sober. That's a start. String a few more nights in there.
Giving up is not an option.
It should be almost sunrise over there so you get to try again.
I'll look on here tomorrow, let us know how you do.

Hi Virgina,

I'm from the UK also, i do know i'm not the best person right now to be offering advice. But i'm a little familiar with UK services, i recently got in touch with an NHS service in my area who have provided me with a keyworker, a local hub should be available in all of the UK i would of thought. Not to mention i'm also looking into rehab in the UK, unfortunetly i cant post the GOV website here, rehab-online dot org dot uk, to find an affordable short stay rehab, maybe this could also be a consideration.

Have you asked for any help from any local services before?.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply x

I've been to both DART (who told me I don't have a problem :-/) and Addaction where the young girl I saw told me more about her woes than anything else.

I am going to see my GP later today (will rung as soon as lines open) and hope my appointment isn't with the chap I know who runs the youth group my son goes to. But even if it is, I know I need help so have to go and 'fess up.

I've realised I'm a total 'duck'. To outsiders everything's fine (house, job, car, son, dog - NOT in order of importance!) but inside/under water I'm paddling like crazy to keep afloat but I'm getting so tired now I'm beginning to drown!

Thank you all again x

Big hug Virginia. :hug:

Maybe talk to your gp? Most areas have addiction services. Consider all of the group recovery services too. Try a meeting or two. Can't hurt right?

You are not alone.

We know how it feels.

Just keep coming back.

FFS seems i cant post helpful links, whose the genius behind not allowing members to post links to local services?. alcoholics-anonymous(dot)org.uk, just in case you want to look into meetings in your area.

VWoof, you are a Mom, the most important figure in someone's life. Go easy on yourself, and just be there for now, and get straightened out. You can do it. One step at a time ok?

You can do this VW! You have the power to make this change... you are not giving yourself enough credit. Sobriety doesn't just happen. It takes will power and 100% commitment. Trust me, all of the effort you put in today you will get back 10 fold tomorrow. Everyone around you will benefit from your efforts, your son included.

Never give up!

Use us to help draw your strength from. Just dont drink. You can get yourself back, you deserve this gift.

Never give up on yourself, we wont give up on you.

So glad you are here Virginia......You are not alone in this & you are worth a life free from the alcohol, for yourself & your Son. I have 3 Sons, the youngest is 16. They really just want us to be OK & to be that sober Mom they Love. PM me anytime Virginia.....be kind to yourself & reach out for all the support that is available to you.

Unfortunately Harry some people use the facilities here @SR to spam....

That's why we have a post count minimum for every new member before they can post links. It discourages a lot of the spammers :)

Dee
Moderator
SR

Thank you all again x

The perils of a dysfunctional childhood include keeping people at arms length so I literally have no friends so having people I only know online caring so much is a difficult thing to cope with/get my head around!

Doctors appointment at 10:10 this morning. Nervous as anything BUT at least it's not with either the lead doctor or their occasional locum as I know both socially!!

Hope it all goes well VW :)

D

You can do it, Virginia. It is tough to get the plane off the ground, but you'll do it. It is a very wise move to confide in a doctor; he/she will probably be able to assist you in very practical ways.

You're not mistaken about the people here at SR caring! I have come to really depend on the support and encouragement i get here.

I tried and failed many times before I finally 'got it'. Don't give up! :hug: